If you end up getting played by someone you are dating, is it really your own fault?

Hear me out. I'm not letting the person who played you off of the hook, but would you agree with the idea that people who tend to get cheated on repeatedly have a trait or flaw somewhere that causes them to be attracted to jerks? Would you agree that often there are big glaring signs that you are dating an a****le? Signs that people conveniently ignore when they are want to beleive the best about someone? So actually many times these people are actually delusional, believing a fairytale about the person they are with rather than seeing them for who they really are.

So in light of that, it's kind of your own fault if you get played by someone? Food for though. What do you guys think? Am I just a prick? Or a realist?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I say so. If you know that a certain girl or guy is a player or comes from a background of two timing and being unfaithful you should blame know one but yourself if you get played. if you thought that they would change I have zero sympathy. I believe that people can change, but you do need to be cautious in situations like this. I know some people who fall into traps like this because the girl or guy has almost all the traits of a good partner and tend to overlook the player past because "this time it will be different". There are signs so look out for them

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What Girls Said 4

  • In some respect yes. If they CATCH it, and go forward...it's not that...they lack self esteem it takes to have conviction that you're worth more than that. Most people, whether they realize it or not, if they refuse to see reality, are not valuing their true worth. If you don't LEAVE when that person SHOWS you they DON'T VALUE YOU or TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY, by cheating on you, dissing you, etc...don't understand that they DO DESERVE HAPPINESS. They DESERVE to convict someone who wrongs them and hurts them by LEAVING. What's to stop them from doing it again? The mild inconvenience of hurting your feelings? Not a chance. They clearly don't value those same feelings in the first place. The only distress they show if you leave them, if ANY, is the inconvenience they feel that they didn't get away with it. If you LET THEM, it's only a matter of time before they take you for granted again. You deserve someone unselfish and empathetic who values what makes you and knows how to work WITH you to make a happy and worthwhile team. Someone who knows personal responsibility. Someone who learns to trust you and value you as DIFFERENT. SPECIAL. Worth. Their. Time. And worth the work it takes to make a mutually rewarding and understanding relationship. Anyone less than that, and ANYONE involved with someone like that is SELLING THEMSELVES SHORT. The only people who deserve to pass the application should be able to AFFORD something as priceless as a person. We're not talking money, we're talking LOVE. Don't let anyone bounce emotional checks. You CANCEL that sh*t!

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    • Lol. Caps really makes this sound like a lot more yelling than there is. It's really more of an italics thing. Lol. But yea, it IS something I frequently try to explain to some people. It MAY be a bit of a soapbox. (; but regardless, those words are meant to be accented, not increased in volume.

  • That's a really convenient and overly simplistic conclusion - also, ignorant.

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    • I take it that you have been played a few times?

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  • In some cases it's true, but a lot of times when you fall for someone, your judgment is clouded and sometimes you can't control it.

    I was played once, and after having time to think about it, I blamed myself for allowing my feelings to get so deep that I was blinded by his flattery and every sweet little thing he did, but it was just as much his fault as it was mine, if not more.

    When you get played by someone, usually that person is really manipulative, whether they realize it or not. Once you're under that manipulation, you think everything is fine and there's nothing wrong with the other person.

    So, if you get played, it might be your fault for being naive and giving the benefit of the doubt (which is actually a good quality) but it's the other person's fault for taking advantage of you.

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    • "your judgment is clouded and sometimes you can't control it." Could be true for women. I'm not so sure about for guys. We are a lot less driven by emotion and infatuation. I definitely think that the person who takes advantage is a jerk. But also, how often does that person have the ability to hide that completely? I think that there are always some signs.

  • I cheated on guys that treated me great, I was sweet to them, acted like a great gf... there is no telling if a person is a cheater, a sociopath can hide their ways very well.

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    • True, but true sociopaths re few and far between. There are also signs that a person is an true sociopath. One has to be able to read the handwriting on the wall. Thanks for you honesty.

What Guys Said 3

  • Sometimes. If the person knows they are getting played, then yeah they should choose to leave and if they stayed and continue to be played, yeah its partly their fault. However, that does not make player type behavior okay at all. It's not right. However, a lot of times people don't know that theyre be being played and that's really the worst. Unfortunately, girls are really good at and a lot more sneaky at hiding player type behavior and cheating. The last time I was cheated on, I was cheated on multiple times and didint even have a clue. I heard something about it and confronted her and she denied it and got pissed saying someone was trying to break us up and that I need to trust her. And if I dont, I don't care about her...etc, etc. All LIES. That is MESSED up to be that manipulative and play the innocent person when you aren't at all. Turns out she didint give a f*** about me, even though she said she loved me etc etc.

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    • I agree. It doesn't make the player any less of a jerk.

    • Yeah there's a saying that goes something like "fooled me once, shame on them...fooled me twice shame on me" and its true. Or if your warned about someone and don't listen. But there are certain situation where the person can't help dating a player because they don't know theyre being played. So many people can sugar coat stuff and make it seem real that we sometimes don't know what's real and what's fake.

  • I'm a great believer in the "Fool me once" logic.

    link

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  • yes and no. yes because at some point you let your guard down too much and showed a sign of weakness somewhere. no because the girl is a straight up bitch regardless

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