How to prepare for an upcoming coffee date?

Okay, so I finally worked up the guts to ask this cute blond girl from my Western Civ II course. She smiled and said we could find a time later this week if she wasn't busy, so I'm taking it as a "yes", even though it's To-Be-Determined. I've never asked a girl out, I was always shy and awkward in high school so I never got around to dating, so at 19, I'm a bit late. So now, I'm anxious as hell in preparing for it, is it possible that she just said yes to be nice or even out of pity for me? How do I reassure myself otherwise?

So now I'm dwelling on my insecurities and negativity the more I think about it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Congrats on your coffee date!

    Before I offer any advice, I think the other answers got it right when they said that you want a girl to like every part of you -- even the awkward or quirky parts (everyone has these; my boyfriend can be super awkward and I think he's great!). So you really shouldn't prepare; it's better to wing it and see how things go. If it works, that's great. If you guys don't click, that's fine too and even if it's awkward, it was good practice!

    That being said, when I get anxious about dates I like to over-prepare. So I know how you feel. This is my trick: if I read anything interesting, I'll remember to bring it up in case there's a lull in the conversation. For example, this is some of the stuff I read this week:

    link

    link

    But seriously, try to relax. If the date doesn't go well, it wasn't meant to be and you wouldn't want to force it. You have nothing to lose!

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What Girls Said 11

  • Coffee dates are about lots of conversation. So, before you go, prepare several stories for you to tell when you're there. Have you ever done anything silly, stupid, or ridiclous? Girls like guys with humor who aren't afraid to make a goofball of themselves.

    And ask her about herself too. Ask if she did any extracurriculars in high school, what's her family like, how are her classes, etc. You'll do fine! :)

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  • Although I don't really think this is what happened, it's possible she said she would go with you if she wasn't busy to "be nice". Probably at least half of all girls are too spineless to be able to look a guy in the face and directly tell him that she's not interested. It's not something they do out of pity. It's only because for some strange reason they can't handle being that honest with someone.

    I don't really think she was passive aggressively rejecting you though.. If she was, oh well. Girls do that. It's pathetic, but they do it anyway.

    You're going to be nervous, since you just started trying to date. My advice to you is only to just do it anyway. Don't let the fear hold you back. Eventually, you won't get as nervous. That comes with time, though.

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    • That's possible, but I'm in the fourth week of the semester in college, and I have two exams, so it's possible that she might be busy studying this week to schedule a date when she would otherwise be interested.

    • If I could chime in, girls are afraid of hurting peoples feelings, so they often avoid the truth and give a good run around until it comes to the point where he either gets to hint or she has to muster up the courage to tell him. But hey--if she gives you a chance, I'd take it. She might be pleasantly surprised ;) believe in yourself. you're capable of more than you give yourself credit for, considering you haven't even tried yet! if you want to fly, you gotta be willing to fall flat on your fac

  • I think your best bet is just too be yourself and be nice. Ask her about her interests, her family, herself and find things to relate to. Act interested in her, compliment her, but don't go too overboard on compliments or it gets awkward.

    Everyone has to start somewhere so just be yourself. Girls can notice if you're not acting yourself.

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  • You didn't say hows your relationship with her. but I would think that is she said later this week she wants to go. So why don't you ask her face to face.

    Do you speak or text or whatever? HAve you ever flirted with her?

    When you are getting ready just wear nice clean clothes and maybe be nice to her like opening her car door or pulling her chair out for her.

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  • Well, congratulations! Make sure to follow up with her to organise a time, because it defiantly looks like you'll have a date if you do! Now, don't assume she is SUPER interested, she obviously likes you, but a coffee date just means she wants to get to know you a little better so stay cool about it. Dress nice, but casual, offer to pay (If she is nice, she should refuse the offer), have some things planned that you could talk about with her e.g. your studies, interests etc. Good luck!

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    • link Don't feel bad. Somehow 65% or more of the English speaking population has mixed this up somehow.

  • Girls get shy too sometime, we don't want to seem to anxious either. It's also pretty embarrassing to lead on that you have no plans, so she could be saying she's busy even if she's not in order to make herself seem less awkward. I'm sure she's just as excited about the date as you are. Just remember to be confident and overall yourself. Nothing makes a girl want to be with a guy more than his confidence, honesty, and positivity. Good luck! (:

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  • I'm one of those awkward and quirky people... Just make it work for you be funny be yourself nd don't be shy try to make her laugh nd when the date is ovr leave wanting mor just leave hangin the she will have no choice but to want to go out on another date

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  • Stop thinking about it and just do. You can't prepare for a date, just be confident and be yourself. If she likes you she will like all of you, including the sometimes awkward and shy side of you so don't worry.

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  • Make yourself look good and feel confident. The more confident you are the better it'll go!

    If didn't want to go with you, she probably wouldn't have smiled, or said "sometime this week". In my opinion

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  • buy a new out fit, go do something that will relax you, for me that would be a camping trip or hiking... then when I get back I have stories to share and I got sun and exercise so I feel really good and full of life.

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  • Think up some topics you can talk about

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What Guys Said 6

  • Well, first of all, well done.

    Now the reality check.

    Most couples break up pretty fast.

    Most first dates don't lead to being a couple.

    Most girls you approach you won't get a date with.

    Yet somehow, most people end up married.

    Among other things, its a numbers game.

    With that in mind - relax. If things go well, awesome, if things don't go well, you can ask out other girls. Its a magical new power you have. You can use it unlimited times.

    As for 'going well' - that means you both like each other.

    Don't think of it as 'you must impress her'. So what if you can impress her? Are you trying to trick her into putting out? I'm guessing no. I bet you want a girlfriend. So don't worry about impressing her. Instead do your best to be your real self (and that includes showing attraction if you feel it) and see if you like her. Ask yourself if THIS girl is one you really want to be with more. Don't worry about if she likes you. She can worry about if she likes you. Just be open and decide if you like her. If you are the 'real you' and she doesn't like it, well that wasn't going to work out. YOu need to find girls who like the real you, and you like the real them.

    And that's what you're trying to figure out with dating.

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  • Ok I can help. I just had a very successful coffee date last year that led to a relationship. Some of this stuff might sound cheesy or even surprise you that I would suggest going this far in your preparation. But I don't believe you can ever be too prepared. Being overally prepared also helps ease nerves which is half the battle.

    1. Look good. Obvious one. Don't wear a suite of course, but dress up slightly, good jeans, a nice shirt, but casual.

    2. Study up on the girl. Check out her dating profile, Facebook, texts, etc. and learn everything you can. This will give you material to ask question about. For example. If you noticed she has siblings, ask her about that. If she has a picture from paris, ask her about her trip.

    3. Prepare topic starting questions and write them down. Yes seriously do this. I usually show up to a date with 10-15 general topic starting questions. Then I do my best to memorize them. They're for emergencies only. I try to keep the conversation as natural as possible, but if there starts to be a lull in the conversation (which will invariably happen since you don't know each other very well), you can spark the conversation again with one of your questions. Keep the list in your pocket that you can refer to if needed by looking at it while in the bathroom or something. Also use a few questions that you can relate to yourself so that after she answers you can talk about yourself as well. Maybe if you just went on an exciting trip, ask her about her trips, so when she's done, you can tell her all about your trip. Some example questions/convo starters are as follows:

    -Do you have any siblings? Tell me about them?

    -Where do you work? Tell me about it?

    -Been on any cool trips lately?

    -Do you like or participate in any sports? What are your favorite teams?

    -What kind of music do you listen to?

    -Been to any cool concerts lately?

    -What are some of your hobbies?

    4. Hug her. Whatever you do, don't give the awkward handshake. This isn't a business deal. It's perfectly fine to hug a stranger. when you walk into the room (or she does), just say "Hey its great to finally meet you" and give her a little hug.

    5. Tell stories. Just like the questions, keep a few of these in the back of your mind. Something really exciting and or funny. Anytime you can make a girl feel like your exciting or can make her laugh, that's a good thing.

    6. Inject future tense. When possible talk like you will see each other again. i.e. "Oh you've never been snowboarding? its so much fun, I'll have to take you and teach you some day". It's not too clingy but shows you're invested in more than just a ONS, and that she can look forward to fun with you.

    7. Make her feel comfortable. Sit close but not too close, and look relaxed. Lean back in your chair from time to time. Don't suggest going back to your place. When suggesting an extension of the date (i.e. food) or future plans. Don't be too pushy. She needs to trust you aren't a perve or something.

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    • Just to elaborate on some points. An example I gave for a story, is I told her about when I got random checked at the las vegas airpor and how they got a false positive for bomb residue and it scared me half to death. Stuff like that makes for good humor.

      be as natural as possible. The trick is to fall into a comfort zone. Where its just two friends talking. If ever gesture and word is 100% planned it will seem fake. I got my 2nd date just because "I was easy to talk to." We talked for 3hrs.

  • Nice! I was in the same boat didn't date through out high school and was really insecure about my looks... I learned slowly how to care less what women think of me and slowly I started being myself and that started to attract all sorts of women, don't over think everything that's how people end up in mental asylums, I over thought everything and that lead to more insecurities. Just take everything with a grain of salt, lol don't try to impress her just be yourself for example ( twilight saga is my favorite movies too! Lol you don't wanna be that guy.)

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  • knock back a couple shots of jack and you'll be good to go!

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  • STOP thinking, don't try to hard, DON"T plan, be you and just relax. Masturbate before you go out. Find a girl that has money and style and ask her to dress you. Wear cologne but not too much. Make sure your teeth look nice and clean and do your hair but not too neat and no Justin Beiber hair. Don't laugh too loud and just be relaxed and be funny. Be you and she will enjoy herself. Best of luck to you brother.

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  • I always took a few bong hits before going out and that really helped.

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