Should I stay single and keep my standards up even if it takes forever?

I met and dated someone REALLY amazing. He changed my world. I had finally found someone with all the same values and many of the same interests. Sadly, we had very little chemistry and things ended up ending. That's okay, sad, but okay. I was hoping for friendship since things ended well, but... he said no.

Anywho, I'm out in the dating world again... I've met some guys since then and they just really don't compare. They're kind of... players? Should I keep waiting for a nice guy to come along even if it means I'm single for a VERY long time?

I mean, this guy was awesome. Brought me flowers in my favorite color just for fun, always had food on the table for me if I came over, drove my car for me. He was kind of a saint really. It's too bad we lacked chemistry because we would have made a good team.

I think meeting someone this nice is going to take a LONG time. Should I keep my standards up or just keep dating around in case something changes?

  • Yes, if you know what you like
    56% (23)72% (18)62% (41)Vote
  • No, date around anyway
    32% (13)12% (3)24% (16)Vote
  • Other
    12% (5)16% (4)14% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You should keep your standards up. If you date down, down is what you're going to get. If you want to find the right guy you'll have to hold out. Maybe you should give a few more guys a chance but don't be an all you can eat buffet.

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    • hahaha alright, ya, lots of guys I can date.. but lots I'd never marry... so what's the point?

What Guys Said 6

  • I've had this talk with people before. I don't think there is really a 100% right answer but in my opinion your better off being patient.

    I personally have very little tolerance for drama and what I'm currently looking for is a serious long term relationship. As a result I don't waste my time dating girls that I easily could, but know it won't work out in the long run, even though I do really want to be in a relationship right now. It's also a moral thing for me. When I know that the relationship won't last, I feel guilty dating a person because I feel like I'm essentially using them. If I'm not 100% invested in a relationship then I don't feel I should be in it. It's not fair to the other person.

    I think its an issue of quick fix vs getting the payoff later. Dating someone who is less than a perfect match might back you happy now, but in my opinion it all evens out in the end when all of a sudden you guys start fighting all the time and then you have to deal with the heartbreak after an ugly break up. Pick your poison.

    Also just as an added point. There is something to be said for natural chemistry but I also believed it can be created. Also, in the real world healthy relationships take time to blossom. However, most people gauge the long term potential of their relationships based on the first few dates. If it doesn't feel like a fairytale they assume its doomed. Speaking from experience the best relationship I ever had I almost passed up for this reason. The girl was more interested in me than I was her and I was hesitant at first to date her (I just didn't feel the chemistry). I had been single for a while so my roommate urged me to date her. I bit the bullet. 2 months in I almost broke up with her since I wasn't feeling it. I told myself to give her a chance since it was too soon. She turned out to be the most amazing person and she became so attractive to me over time. We never fought, we did everything together, and she was the most beautiful girl in the world to me. Point is, if someone seems like a good person who is well suited for the type of relationship you want, don't write them off right away. Give them a chance to get comfortable and for you to really get to know them before you decide if it wasn't meant to be. Chemistry is important, but so is compatibility. Both are required for a healthy relationship.

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    • Yes, yes, yes! Okay, you get it. There are lots of boys I could date... but most of them I know are not worthy. I entirely agree that chemistry can grow. My last boyfriend thought everything should be natural. He didn't want to work on anything. He never even tried to open up to me, never told me what he didn't like. He did tell me that he didn't like my sarcasm, when I said I miss you or acted like a little kid (even though I was alawys kidding). He and I were compatible, he wasn't willing to try.

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    • I wouldn't necessarily say that means they're controlling. I can understand a person looking for someone who lives a similar lifestyle, but wording it so bluntly so early on is a bit strange. It's not usually something you explicitly talk about either. It's just something you gauge yourself when you first meet them.

    • Yeah, idk, it was odd... and awkward. he also said he didn't think I was the kinda guy I was looking for. I was like um... can't I be the judge of that one?

  • In general you should keep your standards up.

    I do however wonder if your standards make sense. Your last relationship sucked. He was a nice guy you liked as a friend who sucked up to you all the time hoping it would make you want him, which it didn't. This wasn't a 'near thing'.

    As for mr can't afford a coffee so come on over, he's looking to hook up period.

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    • Yeah, come over for a movie guy so isn't happening haha. The ex... yeah, idk, we were just two nice people who's personalities really didn't work. it wasn't a sucky relationship though! We didn't even start as friends, sadly. We ended on pretty mutual terms and he still wasn't okay with being friends.

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    • That's how it works. You don't get the flowers and all that otherwise.

    • Yeah, idk, we just didn't date long enough before we got serious. I had a toothbrush at his apartment after our first date. That was crazy.

  • You can pay someone to do those things for you, chemistry should be the priority. However, "nice" does not mean chemistry isn't possible.

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    • Hm true. I think need to find someone with more chemistry though. He was a good one, but not quite the one. I guess I meant should I stay single or date the guys who kind of seem like players... like this one guy who I met at a bar who keeps asking me to come over and watch a movie... and then says he can't afford a coffee date

    • Yes to more chemistry, no to staying single, and no to the douche bag you met at the bar. Who can't afford a coffee for someone they like? What a loser he is, WTF.

    • Lol yeah, he seemed nice... but don't they all. :/

  • You should wait for a guy you like but don't fool yourself, you'll never meet "the same guy" again. Don't expect someone to fill the void he left, expect someone else.

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    • I know. That's sad. He was a good one, but we surely didn't have chemistry and he wasn't willing to try at it. He felt, if it wasn't natural, then it just wasn't meant to be. Some guy gave me his number at a bar the other night and keeps asking me to come over and watch a movie... says he can't afford a coffee date. Avoid those types? Go out with those types? I guess that's what I meant with this question

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    • okay... well... after I told him I wanted something serious only he said maybe after his next pay check we could go out. ? eh?

    • Honestly, it's not up to me to decide but he really doesn't sound excited about it.

  • Other. Do what makes you happy, If you settle for Less you get Less.

    Me I have certain standards.

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    • What are your standards?

  • I had the same experiance meeting essentially the girl of my dreams before who ended up being taken.

    Ask yourself this : If I take someone less then what I had is that really enough?

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What Girls Said 3

  • It's good to have certain expectations of a partner in a relationship, but dating is what people do in order to learn what they find attractive in a mate. How could you know what you want in someone if you never have truly been around a person with those qualities? Another aspect of dating is learning how to resolve issues, be apart of another person, and understand and connect with another persons emotions. There's so many things you learn by dating, even if they're not the one. I say get out there and have some fun.

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  • Keep your standards, there's no use being with someone you aren't happy with.

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  • When you meet new guys, don't compare them to him. Let them create their own image. I met a guy like the one you speak of . . . we met when I was in a relationship, found each other on FB and 3 years later I went to see him again. We had a great time, and there was definitely chemistry. We ended up drifting apart though and although I might consider him, just about the perfect man, apparently he wasn't perfect for me, or else it would have worked. So keep that in mind when you think of your past mr perfect, if he was SO perfect for you, you'd be together.

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    • That's very true. Good point. He and I got together briefly 2 months after we broke up and it was SO awkward. We had nothing to talk about really... I think he felt awkward around me and I knew I was just trying to be polite and make conversation.

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