Should a woman or a man pay on the date?

My boyfriend and I argue about this constantly. He's always paying and insists on doing so (even when I offer to pay), yet he believes that women should be able to pay too. I think women pay enough trying to be beautiful for a man to even appreciate her that she deseves a man to pay for one meal. Most women that are nice try to choose something cheap anyways. What do you guys think ?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think boys should not pay and men should pay

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What Guys Said 36

  • Well, first of all, I don't think it's proper to go there by saying "women pay so much for X already, so men should pay for Y." It's a losing argument, and that's the only reason we should all stay away from that territory. The obvious counter-argument to that is that men sacrifice their desires and dreams just so they can be financially productive enough to provide for the things that women want. An additional counter-argument is: "If men are REQUIRED to do X for women, then are women REQUIRED to do Y for men?" Where can one go with that? "Okay, so you want a guy to pay for dates? Fine. No problem. That's what you want after all. It's only fair that he gets something he wants now. So, bend over and take your pants down."

    Secondly, take a moment and really soak up how that last statement made you feel. Did it make you feel used? Like a tool? Like a means to an end? Like nobody really cared about you as a person, but only about your willingness to provide what they wanted? Like nobody cared about what you wanted? Like "fairness" didn't matter? Well, how do you think men feel?

    Third, from who or from where is this "rule" or "law" of who "should pay on a date" coming from? From what authority? Sure, it's always nice to create self-serving rules or social customs. It's also nice to support and maintain those self-serving rules and social customs. But if we never "questioned" rules and social customs, we would still have slavery, and women would still be property. The truth is, there is no rule! The person who wants the date should pay for the date. Yet, since that rule is also vulnerable to manipulation by referring to the social custom of "well, the man should be the one to ask the woman on a date, and therefore, since he should ask, we arrive back to a long-winded way of again saying that the man should pay for the date;" we need a different way to determine the issue.

    Since the question is really about "who should bear the expenses related to courtship," the answer should not be limited to only ONE person. In fact, the answer should not even be limited to both people bearing the expense of courtship "equally." A broke 20 year old female student should not be paying an "equal" share of courtship expenses with her 31 year old male doctor partner. Instead, the costs of courtship should be borne "fairly." What is fair? That depends on both people's unique circumstances. We know what's certainly NOT FAIR though: absolute rules like "the man always pay for the first date, the man always pays period, both people should pay 50/50, the one with more money should always pay, etc."

    Example: If a girl with a disposable income of $10,000 a year (after all necessary expenses), and a guy with a disposable income of $20,000 a year (after all necessary expenses) are dating, then what is "fair" is that the guy pay for 2 out of every 3 dates, and that the girl pay for one out of every 3.

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  • Unless I offer, she should pay for her own stuff, and not be surprised because of it.

    That's the kicker. Men and women would widely agree that its only fair that both parties pay their own way, especially in today's world were women want equality (this would be true equality). However, I don't think the subconscious psyche has adapted to this change yet. What I mean is that while a women might openly agree that its only fair that she pay for her own food, in the back of her mind, she's painted a negative picture of this guy she is with because he didn't pay for her.

    So its a lose-lose for the man. Either you perpetuate special treatment for women (i.e. inequality), or you don't get the second date. That's why this should be taken up upon the girl. In other words don't wait for me to say something. If you agree that we should split the bill, say so.

    Also as a related side note. I have a lot of respect for women who insist they pay for their own stuff on dates, especially the first few. To many women have a tendency to milk guys for stuff and justify it with a sense of female entitlement. Any girl who chooses not to use that power gains a lot of point in my book. However, I don't mind paying for my girl most of the time. To me, I enjoy the simply kind gesture for someone I care about. So all I expect is her to at least offer to pay. That being said, I find that all it really takes is for the woman to show her appreciation from time to time. I had a Girlfriend whom on my own will I paid for a lot. Everyone once and a while she would insist that she was taking me out claiming that I did so much for her she wanted to do something nice for me for a change. This is so huge and 90% of women don't do this. Remember, relationships are 50/50, not guy pampers female and gets no love in return.

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  • As a guy I always offer and generally pay for most meals. It is a courteous trait and of one of the antiquated virtues of the gentleman. Yet as some have pointed out it is more out of date now. Since it was an idea fostered on male superiority and earnings it made sense. Now women have jobs and can pay just as easily. I still offer, but if a girl feels she would like to pay for her portion it is acceptable for me to allow it. I have only a few times had the girl pay for the entire meal, but the debt was settled with future meals.

    As far as the argument goes that a woman should not be required to pay due to appearances, I find that erroneous. Women dress nicely of their own wishes and to expect free meals on this merit alone is frankly quite silly. Both men and women spend money on appearance and to think these costs should wager into meal costs is absurd. So either let the man play the gent and buy your meal out of grace, or play the modern woman and offer to pay, but do not feel entitled to the meal simply because of your looks. That is a type of modern thought we can do without.

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  • LOLLL implying that men should pay you for your beauty? F*** that I'd go to the strip club if I wanted that... Also you wouldn't like it if your boyfriend got fat as f***, so don't worry... we too have to put in effort to look good for you... That being said men should pay for dates in the beginning since its customary, afterward it should be based off income level... LOOLLL I just read your comments, you're gonna be ahooker in a couple of years.

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  • Letting gender be what determines who pays its an outdated concept that had no place in todays society.

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  • Keyword: Deserves.

    That's the problem with woman. Just because you are pretty and have a vagina doesn't mean you "Deserve" things. If you think this way then you got it all wrong, time to get off your princess pedestal and come back to reality.

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    • Men think they "deserve" beautiful women, so I think I "deserve" to be paid for.

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    • You say you deserve to be "Paid" for? What are you? Some type of hooker then? Because I believe men have to pay for their time with a hooker? Kind of like what you're trying to say. Smarten up sweetheart.

    • How can pretty girls get off of a pedestal that guys put them on?

  • Personally I would assume payment for the first date (maybe one or two after that) unless the girl insisted she wanted to share the cost of the date... After a few dates though, I would expect the girl in all decency to offer to pay half from that point onwards.

    I believe it is gentlemanly to treat a girl for the first few dates, but after such time I feel one person should not bare the cost of everything and it should therefore be split equally in the interests of fairness and mutual respect.

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  • The man should, period. Now it depends on the date of course. Say for our second date we went to Disneyland. Those tickets are nearly $70 a piece, I'd Exocet her to pay for her ticket but I would buy whatever we decide to purchase the rest of the day (food, etc). On average though, it should be the guy who pays and takes care of everything. While there is nothing wrong with the girl paying if she insists, this is just the way I like to do things. Now with regards to women already paying so much to be beautiful, etc I think that's the womans choice and part of being a woman. You should be looking beautiful for yourself first and foremost though.

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    • I totally agree, if you're vacationing and stuff, it should totally be split. I think that women wearing make up is a socially required aspect in order to get a mans attention. A woman without make up is immediately judged on how much she cares about herself which makes her more vulnerable to be criticized.

    • The less make up a woman wears, the better. I think you're definitely right in that make up for women is heavily influenced/driven by society. Unfortunately, many women feel like they need it to feel beautiful and feel desired when in reality they don't need nearly as much make up that they think they do. I've seen really pretty girls put on way too much unnecessary make up and it's a turn off. Not to mention a lot of make up is full of bad chemicals that the majority of women are not aware of.

  • I posted a similar question a few weeks back. Most of the answers leaned towards splitting the check or at least taking turns paying. I'm a feminist. So, I believe that woman deserve equal treatment. A woman should be able to take care of herself, she should not need a man to provide for her. So I believe that its' good form for the woman to at least offer to split the check on a date. BUT, I personally don't the accept the offer from a woman. I do appreciate the offer and make a mental note of it. When a woman offers to pay it lets me know that she is considerate, not selfish, and most importantly doesn't feel entitled. I think that it's imporant that she offers, even though I wouldn't/don't accept the offer. It lets me know where he head is at. But I disagree with the idea that the woman goes through enough trouble trying to look good for the date. As if the guy doesn't put in effort to put his best face forward for a date as well. That's kind of an entitled way of looking at the situation in my opinion. I have an issue with girls who feel as if they are somehow "owed" something from the guy. But then again, I have a modern way of looking at I'm and am not very into old fashioned girls.

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    • I agree. Women should pay equally much as men. I'm a feminist too. I demand equality on all levels for men and women. The good ones as well as the bad ones.

    • @Fiona83...it's always good to be self sufficient. For me, it's more of a look into her mentality than the actual money. I just like independent, badass girls. The women from the previous generations were strong in a lot of ways but in others they were very passive.

  • Man should pay for most (men earn more on average and a lot of guys like to be the ones who pay) but a nice girl will treat the guy every now and then by paying for a date or giving him some nice present (like a new shirt, tie, tickets to a ballgame etc).

    If you go with a guy who wants everything 50/50 I can understand you being disappointed (makes the guy sound cheap) but if you let a guy pay 100% then you are in danger of him feeling taken advantage of in the future and losing the relationship in the long term.

    If you like the guy don't let him pay more than 80% of the time. It's about doing the right thing and respecting your guy.

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  • It really depends on who initiated the invitation.

    It's the unspoken law of the society.

    Also, even if the other initiated, it would be best to offer half of the payment for the meal unless the other insist on paying the whole.

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  • Split it equal, but usually the one who initiated the date should shoulder d monetary responsibility. Surely a man shud do d payment as a good gesture but thst doesn't mean a women should abuse her privileges constantly.once twice, thrice is fine, the next Shove off. Money doesn't grow on trees. Sorry for being mean.

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  • I pay for meals but I will insist my future daughters pay for their own share. I wouldn't want to risk my daughter to feel 'in debt' with a guy after a date.

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    • I don't think I feel "in debt" when a guy pays for a date, I just think that it shows what I'm worth in his eyes.

    • Maybe he feels like you are in his debt after he pays for you, ever thought about that?

  • You shouldn't have to "try" to be beautiful for a man to appreciate you. Also, in the beginning yes a man should be paying. But eventually she should start offering too. Or even he pays for dinner, you pay for the movie.

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  • I personally think whoever asks or offers should pay. Or you can split it if you want. But I absolutely do not believe that if a girl asks a guy out then a guy still has to pay.

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  • The man should expect to pay until the woman objects:

    link

    ^That's what I think.

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    • The woman in the article seems like a feminist bitch. If either person insists, just let them pay. It's no big deal.

    • I can say that I would value her "No means No" view, though I would prefer to be the classic gentleman if possible.

  • The first two or three dates the guy should always pay. After that, the girl should occasionally pick up the check (maybe every third date or something).

    If you're an "official" couple, you should be regularly split the bill or alternating picking up the check.

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  • The guy should pay for the first few dates then you can start sharing the bill

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  • Split.

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  • Equal.

    If men should be expected to pay, then it should be expected and accepted that they have multiple girlfriends to then.

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  • I say split, women have jobs these days so there is no reason them not paying.

    Trying to be beautiful is so not enough to get a free meal. If a girl I dated said that I would ditch her with no second thought.

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    • On average, women today only make .70 on the dollar compared to a man. Plus, men are more likely to get higher paying jobs. It's not like girls are trying to get a free meal, we're trying to feel like we're worth something which can be displayed by being asked out on a date (feeling wanted) and how much a man is willing to pay.

    • About the wage differances you would have to look at each individual case. I have a much lower income than most girls for example.

      And if paying stuff for a girl is needed to make a girl feel like she is worth something, then she probably isn't worth much.

  • Unfortunately I have always paid.

    I say this because it is a stereotypical role. Women have the power over sex, men have to pay for dates, etc... Why should women get everything for free? I I think its a bit outdated, although like I said I do pay.

    So I think it should be equal.

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  • May be I was brought up that way... but I would never make the girl pay. Unless of course its a friend who crosses that line in some way and visibly starts taking advantage of it.

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  • They both should.

    And you shouldn't be dating your boyfriend. Dates are for strangers to see if they want to go out.

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  • It should be 50/50. Or both just pay for themselves.

    LOL @ "women pay enough trying to be beautiful"

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  • Should you actually enjoy the date or not?

    If there's ever an argument about paying, there shall be no next date.

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  • Just pay for your own meal on the first date. No point waisting money on someone you're not even sure you'll ever go out with again.

    Girls that say they want equality and still expect guys to pay for everything are just hypo ass bitches.

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  • I say, go dutch if you have a confusion.

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  • i say splitting it is the best way or someone pays the whole bill and then the next time the other person pays the whole bill

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  • Men pay for ALL date

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What Girls Said 10

  • I think people should do whatever they want. If the guy wants to pay all the time, he should be able to do that. If the girl wants to pay, she should. If they want to pay for themselves or trade off, then they should do that. It's not really that big of a deal.

    Personally, I prefer the guy to pay on the first date and then we each pay for ourselves afterward, occasionally with one treating the other. I only think guys should pay on the first date if we aren't already friends or at least know each other on a first name basis. If some random dude asks me out to a nice restaurant it was his idea so he should be prepared to pay. But if we know each other already then there's some leniency.

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  • Split it.

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  • I think he should pay for the first few dates and then afterward both should chip in.

    For example, on one of our dates, my boyfriend paid for the bowling and then I paid for the movie afterward. We had dinner also and each paid separately. Being young and dating is not cheap! lol

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    • Lol, bowling and movies, you don't have to do expensive stuff to date. How about you go to a free art exhibition or go take a coffee for $3 next time?

    • Actually, that's exactly what we're planning! Except for the coffee and the art place is free :D

  • If someone invites you out, it's expected that they pay.

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  • Who ever suggests going out pays. If the guys asks he should pay, if the giel does then her. If you've been with someone for a while and it's a mutual decision take turns-its only fair.

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  • I think you should go spiltz or go dutch if you cannot decide.

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  • No.

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  • The guy is the one who's wanting to get lucky at the end of the date, so let him at least pay for his chance.

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    • Yeah, that's basically prostitution.

    • Not really no, I never said anything about him actually getting lucky, if you like him enough then it doesn't really matter in the end, if you don't then you probably never see him again either.

  • Whoever asks.

    In a relationship, we usually alternated. Or went by the "whoever asks" rule :-)

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  • if she asks him, she pays, if he asks her he pays.

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