Cheating husband pathological liar ... What's the rest of the story and why did he lie to my face the entire ?

Okay guys (and gals too). Here's my short story: married for two years - 2 months before wedding he gets tons of texts from # that's a chick (no way!) I see them the next day as I pay phone bill. I ask who it is he says old friend. I look at his phone no messages. There were 5 hours worth of texts. I call # from his phone no answer. He has been known to tell whitelies so I have the gut feeling. There were no more texts on his phone,week later I spoof called his # he thinks its her. I say why didn't you tell me you had a crazy fiancé? He says because she is about to not be I can't get rid of her. Ding ding! So I stop wedding plans ask him about the situation of course he claims he said it because he knew it was me. Swears nothing happened old friend the texts were innocent and I made it up in my head. Fast forward. I married him. Our kids were attached and I loved him thought he loved me just had a baby and I get an email. They used to sleep together as coworkers in 04-happened five or so times didn't date but I do see the texts from 2 years ago and it's sexting nasty sexting and it literally began when she text out of blue to say hi after that it went down hill. Her befriend happened to have these texts and shared to inform me. Nice. the texts ended with them planning to hook up. She tells her bfriend the truth: she fu*ked my then fiancé at a hotel after he left work one day a week or so after I spoof called him 2 years ago. She tells me but I get vague info no hotel name just location. Anyway my husband vehemently lies it happend. He says it was 08 she's confused! So he lies to my face swearing up and down she is lying he calls her she won't answer then she texts me to say she was wrong it happend before me. We go to counseling he swears same- counselor believes him then I asked what car she drove and I got her reg. info and she bought the car in 09. When we were engaged so he says OK I did it but it was August (he thought it was less worse if it happend a year before wedding I guess?) so I got the hotel receipt and two months later gave it to him. It was exactly 1.5 months before wedding. He played dumb acted upset omg I can't believe this... It's laughable so I ask him how did they speak to each other? One time he said I'm not bringing other people into it then he says maybe she had prepaid phone and I used landline at work. He worked retail I don't think he's spending periods on phone talking nasty in the middle of sales floor. So he is still lying and he swears he didn't get off it was weird he stopped pulled up pants she got dressed they didn't speak both left and never spoke again. I call BS so guys how we're they talking and did they really leave and never speak again? I guess they hooked up in 08 too so he just slept with whatever gave up the ass I've found out which whatever. I just want to know truth and its because I'm staying for now and yes it's stupid but the kids are happy and I believe I should see if I can ever not hate him before I am divorced X's 2!

Updates:
And no I'm not stupid so don't waste your time asking me that. I know the guy is a douche but I'm giving it time to see if I can forgive instead of just walking away - life isn't a cakewalk. But seeing how much I hate his guts I doubt it's going to happen. I just want to know because I want to know if I missed the boat here or what. He put his $ in my account and had no access to it so I don't know how he could have had a prepaid... But I also never knew he would have unprotected sex with a skeezer!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If this is anything like what I went through, as good as you are at being detective, THIS is just the tip of the iceberg ... not saying he's that way, but mine was & still IS.

    I came to the horrible retreat that I could forgive what became apparent - the affair & being so alone, little talk after work - only to have all this covered up by Hitler-sized lies told on me to friends & family ... still goes on.

    As time goes by, more comes to light, backstabbing letters to friends, I'm always the devil, she's always the angel w/halo. It's how lazy people compete in life, they dream up a world that worships them (like Satan), then propaganda does the rest. Politics pale in comparison. I'll be your friend &/or family becomes - now you must believe my lies and become my pawn.

    That's the best answer I have for

    what might be the Rest of the Story?

    As for Why?

    The ones I know are compensating through sex, turning their failures with no joys into successes with joys ... while keeping their feathered nest nice & warm, secure by treating their "loves" like mushrooms (keep them in the dark & feed them sh*t)

    His "commitment" & "word" to others is just what it takes to get what he wants ... and he may be as fickle as a Sagittarius ...

    What to do?

    Very interested in the rest of this story someday and especially that you found perfect harmony & trust in The One ... I did

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What Guys Said 11

  • This is a miserable situation and worse a miserable question - I'm sorry I intend being neither judgmental nor sound patronizing.

    Any of my statements even if they sound one sided - they are not but only logical. Thank you for understanding.

    1. In 1st place when you find that a guy is incapable of monogamy for any reason then what makes you choose him to get married to?

    2. Not only do you get married to him but also wind up having kids with him?

    3. Even if he wasn't into telling whitelies any man (or woman) for that matter will lie when confronted forcefully in such situations.

    4. We wind up getting into a situation like marriage or a relationship with our own expectations and what's the kill joy is our expectations rather than anything else - nothing different here.

    5. I'd not call the guy a douche anymore than I'd call such a woman a w***** or s***

    6. The least both of you can do is divorce if you want to but peacefully and PLEASE don't do anything that will traumatize the kids, your divorce or separation if it happens is trauma enough for them.

    7. I'm not saying under any situation that this guy - your husband is clean in any way. with the mentioned history I actually wonder why he married you and had kids if he knew he was incapable of monogamy.

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  • I think you already deep down know what to do. I don't believe you can continue much longer not trusting anything from this person. It will eat you up inside and take a little piece of you every day.

    Now I may say youncan stay for the kids, however, in this case no. You need to be happy to have others around you happy. The kids are young enough to handle it and not have theirs lives altered so dramatically. How many times will be enough ? Go to a lawyer find out your options. You may be better off than you think.

    You will never be able to trust this person, so why stay and be unhappy.

    Good luck...and life goes on for the better..

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  • well the fact that you are scanning through phone records, spoof calling, checking car registrations says it all.

    A relationship is built on one thing, and one thing alone. Trust, everything else, love, respect, etc etc only work if there is trust. You don't trust him and you have a perfectly good reason not to. I think the answer is simple but tough to accept. You don't deserve this guy treating you this way and you don't deserve to live a life in which you are constantly feeling as though you have to pry into his life because he isn't honest to tell you.

    It sounds like he is a pathological liar and if not just an unfaithful b*stard. You have kids so you want to give him a chance and being a child of divorce I hate to ever endorse it but it sounds like this guy is an absolute scum bag the way he treats you.

    good luck in whatever you do!

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  • @update: jeez get tested. If you have anything sue him.

    Anyways, obviously you know you should dump him. I get the forgiveness thing. But you can forgive him and cut him out of your life forever too. I forgave poeople who've done sh*tty things to me, and although I have no hate or animosity towards them I never want them to be part of my life again. I simply don't think I deserve to be around sh*tty people.

    I know your situation is a lot tougher, it's harder when you have kids in the bargain. But I've never been in that situatio nand I don't really know what it's like so I can't really say what you I would do in your case.

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  • Clearly he will lie and cheat again.

    You can wear out and beat some guys into submission - wives have been known to be able to pull that off. Do realize that that will kill the attraction and last shred of respect you have for him.

    You can leave him and sue him for child support. Kids will still get to see him.

    You can have an open marriage and find yourself a nice guy.

    These are basically three options.

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  • Its your Life an your Future. How you live with or without regrets is on you.

    Try asking yourself, "Is this what you Really Want? Is this what the Real You, Truly Wants?"

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  • I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt by sacrificing yourselves this time around I just hate to see kinds growing through divorce many kids do not handle the situation well.

    I see this happens time and time again where just the family unit falls apart

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  • Stupid is as stupid does. Staying when you know you can't trust him seems to qualify. The curb. Kick him to it. Don't look back.

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  • "Till death do you part" HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!

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  • Y be with sumone you can't trust

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  • People like this will lie and lie and lie. And it becomes peoples habits. Only thing you can do is avoid these people and don't get involved with them. Many of the liars out there are narcissistic people who portray the picture of someone who is nice and desirable, but really are just out for themselves. These people will manipulate your thoughts to their advantage and will just eat away at you and you don't even realize they are until you stop dealing with them. And its like why did I just put myself through this. Even the smartest of us can fall victim to this... What he did was wrong and messed up. Believe me I'm a person that will do anything and make any effort to salvage a good relationship. But, you don't want to do that here. Its not like your having problems over a disagreement or an ongoing fight. Also, it doesn't seem like his cheating on you was a mistake either. If it was a mistake, then Id say try to forgive him and see if things work out. But, something about this to me just seems like you are being played and strung along and you don't deserve that. And nobody deserves that unless they are the people that do that, then karma should make them pay for it. You need to get away from this before it consumes you anymore and you'll just be a lot better off. But, you won't realize that until you take that step. I ve been there done that with a situation like this and I realized a whole lot more once I stepped away. My perception had been so manipulated by this one girl that I thought everything was fine. Forgiving these people will only give them permission to do it again. Good luck...but just saying nobody deserves a cheater or a liar.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Save up and leave his ass...once a liar always a liar! N a cheater! You deserve to be happy. Worst tjing is for your child to be round 2 parents that don't get along...

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  • I believe staying and being miserable is harder on the kids (yes they do notice!) Than getting divorced.

    He will never change! He will continue to lie, and probably cheat.

    You will suffer more and more, emotionally and psychologically, if not physically as well. The hatred for him will eat you up from the inside out!

    If it were me, I would get out ASAP!

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  • I feel for you. I was the spouse who was cheated on while busy raising kids. I separated as soon as I was financially and emotionally strong. I waited a few years. It was hard. I recommend the same to you. Have a plan and work the plan. It will be hard on the kids. But they WILL get over it if you stand by them.

    Use him as your bitch while together. Save and hide money for yourself. Don't argue with him. He won't change and it won't do any good. Meanwhile see a therapist if you need to.

    You can do it!

    Good luck and stay strong

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