Dating... while sleeping with someone else: How do I tell the other guy?

First of all, I know I should have told the 'other guy' sooner. It was a d*** move that I did. Now I'm stuck in this situation:

I have been seeing a guy for about 6 months. We were sleeping together for months before he told me that he is seeing other people and doesn't want a commitment. It was heart-breaking. Then he disappeared for two months.

In his absence, I started dating causally. Now I'm seeing a really sweet, sensitive guy who seems to be very much invested in us. We've been seeing each other for a month. We've fooled around and he has spent extends periods of time together, but not 'sex'.

The first guy popped back into my life with more of an emotional and time commitment. And I'm the one he is in a 'relationship' with (enter eye-roll).

I don't want to stop seeing the first guy because the sex is bonkers (even though I know it's 90% full of sh*t). I don't want to stop seeing the second guy because I have real feelings for him.

So, yes, I want my cake and f*** him too. Is there any way to get around the 'choice'? I'm (obviously) not the most sensitive person and can see me really hurting guy #2, which is NOT what I want. My intention is to not jump into a relationship, but take our time to figure out what it is we (all of us) want.

How can I navigate this responsibly?

Updates:
All worked out! I am monogamous and completely commited to the nice guy. He's my forever. Plus, the sex is bonkers :D

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Dating... well sleeping with someone else: How do I tell the other guy?

    Probably by telling him you two aren't in a committed monogamous relationship together so you have been sleeping with someone else before you met him.

    Is there any way to get around the 'choice'?

    Possibly by keeping your mouth shut about this and getting your sexual wants fulfilled by the first guy and your emotional wants fulfilled by the second guy while looking for a guy who can fulfill your sexually and emotionally to replace them both.

    How can I navigate this responsibly?

    Perhaps by staying out of a committed relationship with the second guy and telling the first guy you're not interested in a committed monogamous relationship with him. That way you're not cheating on either as you have no relationship fidelity to either and the second guy who opened him was upfront about his desire for commitment is shut down and probably will remain with you thinking it was his previous disinterest that has you not ready for commitment with him.

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What Guys Said 3

  • First, It seems that you are not sure about your life. Secong, You have to decide indoing the right thing in live (only pick one man) if not the KARMA will return to you in your FUTURE. Right now your image to other people, like me is that only you are a gold digger, and the only whant benifits from these guys. PUT YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! and be a big nice woman or keep doing these nasty sh*t like a nasty joker!

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  • You can keep seeing the guy you have feelings for and absolutely destroy him when he finds out (it'll happen eventually), you can go with the sex guy, or you can ditch the sex guy and put all your effort into teaching the guy you have feelings for how to satisfy you sexually.

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  • Alpha f***s, beta bucks, lmao. It's female nature...

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What Girls Said 2

  • I can totally understand this. I also feel that sex is one of the most important thing in a "relationship" or whatever you have with a guy that's more than friends. I have a good sexual relation with my husband but from time to time we have a little fight or his libido is really low and there have been months that we haven't f***ed. (btw I'm 29 and have been with him for 10 years). And yes I have cheated on him just to get satisfied. And I didn't even have any feelings for those other guys. Just wanted to get f***ed by someone else for satisfaction and I think it's not that crazy. So you could stay with the 2nd guy, still sometimes fool around and of course MAKE SURE NOBODY GETS HURT! My husband could live with it, wasn't happy about it, but then again he had his flaws too. So make sure it will work out.

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  • There is nothing wrong with seeing two people at the same time, as long as they both know that is what you are doing. However, sleeping with more than one at a time would be pretty freakin gross. I'd just say, "I really like spending time with you but I want you know that right now I just want to date and meet people". If I were you, I'd ditch the asshat and date the new guy. You haven't slept with him yet, maybe he'll be even better than the first one.

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