Why are women from another planet?

I have been married for several years quite happily I thought then recently its all blown up turns out she's been having an affair and my life has been one big lie for years. so we separated and I am now filing for divorce so as is usual when you split up you look for answers and I ended up at her best friends door (who is single) I have known her for years but never really spoke only just hello and stuff, anyway she invited me in and we talked and she told me she had fell out with her 2 weeks ago because she thought she was up to no good and hadn't seen her since but she did tell me certain things and apologized for not stopping it. We ended up talking again another day and texting each other it was obvious we were getting on really well so I asked if she would like to go out which she did, we had a great night and as much as I wanted to nothing happened, we carried on texting and a few days later I was back at her house we had some wine and talked and I kissed her it felt great and I know she felt the same but that was as far as it went just a few kisses. A couple of days later she text saying we can't do this bad timing, being my wifes friend, children etc etc so we agreed we would not see each other for a couple of months and then see how we feel. we lasted a week then she text me I text her and then I'm back at her house, again nothing happened just a kiss and talking she said when I'm there it feels great but after she feels really guilty, we saw each other a few more times and I can feel myself falling for her which I really didn't expect. So its all gone wrong again now, she says we have to stop before its too late she feels guilty my x wife will go mad cause trouble kids involved too many people will get hurt. so I put my cards on the table told her how I feel and sod everybody else its between us and she still hasn't spoken to my ex yet and doesn't think she will again, I know she feels the same as me but is holding back cos she's scared. So what do I do chase her or leave what could be the best thing to happen to me ?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your ex-wife's friend is probably feeling a bit overwhelmed and confused. Some possible things running through her head

    -you're her best friend's ex-husband (which exes are generally no-no territory for friends), giving her the feeling of guilt and betrayal toward her friend

    -She may want to try and keep her friendship with your ex, which this situation with you could ruin

    -You're still officially married and haven't had much time to clear your head and move on...Which means she could be a rebound

    -Also still being officially married maybe adding to the guilt factor

    -She has kids, and is (or should) only going to want to introduce new people into their lives who are serious relationships to keep family life stable

    -She may still be sorting out her feelings for you. Yeah kissing and being attracted to someone feels good, but she has a family to take care of and can't afford to chase a good feeling if she isn't sure it's best for the people she's taking care of. There's a lot of actors that I'm sure she's weighing in her head

    It honestly makes sense when you think about it

    I think your best bet is to finalize your divorce before taking things further. Maybe take some space so both of you can evaluate your feelings for each other before rushing into a relationship/hookup/whatever. If after the divorce is finalized if you still have feelings for her you can try and pick things up where you left off.

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What Girls Said 7

  • You wrote everything in this post. She feels guilty and there is ENOUGH reason not to start something... enough reasons! you named all of them and she told you... what's not to understand? this is wrong, especially right now. Are you sure you love this woman? I mean you are hurt and this is a great way to get revenge. I guess she realized that. And she surely doesn't want to be taken advantage of. If you have honest feelings for this woman, you need to back off and give it some time.

    as she said she feels guilty, your ex wife was her BEST friend... they had a fight but maybe they want to be friends AGAIN. then there are kids involved... there are enough reasons not to do this and surely enough for her to stay away from you...

    you're acting very selfish here, give it some time.

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    • What? Are you kidding. His wife cheated on HIM. He owes her absolutely nothing. He should do whatever he wants. He's acting selfish? This is the lamest comment I've seen on here.

    • I think YOU are being Harsh on him... my lady.. while I agree that he should wait till the divorce is final and that he is not on a rebound.. I feel that he has no obligation to any one when it comes to his feelings... he is not with this lady for revenge and if she is scared .. then that's his problem and not his... I don't understand how he is being selfish here.. you did't even mention anything about his Goddamn cheating wife!

    • i meant he is selfish towards this NEW woman. He owes nothing to his wife, that's right! But he's kinda impatient here... and this new woman in his life has reasons not to rush into it, when she has been friends with his ex-wife. His question was about wondering why she lets him in & then backs off. that's the reason... she is not sure if she can do it RIGHT NOW without feeling guilty. GIVE HER SOME TIME.

  • I agree with you, you have your head on your shoulders even after what your wife did I love how in control of yourself you are and you know what is going on, I agree you owe nothing to your wife and bugger her but for sure you need to slow it down a bit because when a woman has kids it can be hard for them to get used to having another man in their mums life and then to call you dad and all that, id say slow it way... down but still show her that you are very much interested and see how it goes but don't go back to her place again just invite her out and have a good time outside your homes, it's a bit too soon in any relationship to be going to each others places, don't do anything you may regret and focus on just having fun and getting to know each other.

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  • Sounds like maybe you need to take some time and heal first from your broken marriage before moving onto someone new. If this new gal really wants to be with you then she needs to sit down with your ex and have a talk. Take this time to focus on mending your heart. Let it go for a while, things will sort themselves out.

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  • Be patient and give her some space. You told her how you feel and now give her time to process it. She will respect you more if you back off and let her miss you and rethink things. good luck!

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  • Don't blame all women because one hurt you. Guys can be d***s too so don't blame all womankind for douche baggery.

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  • Sounds like you are on the rebound. It's very easy to fall for someone else too soon after a bad break up, because you're vulnerable, hurt, angry etc. Of course it feels great to be with someone again after being betrayed and rejected by someone you loved and trusted. But if you don't give yourself time to heal from the broken marriage you may end up bringing emotional baggage into this new relationship that your trying to start. You could end up unwittingly taking out unresolved anger and resentment on this woman or become paranoid that she might cheat on you like the ex did. Give yourself some time to work out your personal demons pertaining to the break up before delving into a new relationship. That way you can be the best you can be for yourself and the person you want to be with.

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  • I'm from planet Earth, where are you from?

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What Guys Said 5

  • Hi there,

    Well I agree in the sense that you owe your ex wife nothing. However I do believe that you should tread carefully in this field. As things can get ugly... QUICKLY!

    I made the mistake of jumping into a relationship pretty much immediately after my wife and I split. It turns out that although I liked\loved the new flame etc it got to the point where it didn't matter how strong my feelings were, fact was even though I was over my marriage, it was essentially a distraction. Its not entirely the paramount reason I was with her, but nevertheless it did account for a small amount of the reason I was with the new flame in the first place. It is very possible that even in your subconscious that this (being the distraction) is also a contributor in your current situation. Fact is you were married and although you have found that it was a terrible experience, you do need time to sit and get over the feelings that the events and revelations in your marriage have caused.

    Secondly, when your ex-wife finds out (somehow they always do) I hope you're prepared for a major eruption. This, needless to say can add stress to an already complicated situation. Right now you're facing, property settlements, court processes, possibly even solicitor\lawyer involvement. You certainly have a trying 12 months or perhaps longer time ahead. This will more than likely require all of your focus and energy in order to try and work through this whilst maintaining some degree of sanity. Odds are, (dont worry you're not alone in this) should you (lets say for the sake of argument) work something out with your ex-wife's friend and begin something more serious, it will fail. Because you will essentially be spreading yourself too thin. You will become frustrated and short fused as a result of the divorce proceedings and this pressure is hard enough to deal with as it is, let alone adding into the mix an emerging relationship as well.

    If you truly want something to occur with this new woman, I believe it may be best for the both of you to cool things for now, to allow yourself time to process the events of your marriage and also get your affairs in order in respect to the dissolving of your marriage.

    Once this has occurred, you will be able to have the ability to give whatever may develop with your new lady in life, the best chance it can possibly have.

    Either way I wish you all the best for your future. In relation to your divorce never be afraid to talk to someone should you feel the pressure welling up. There is no shame in asking for help.

    All the best

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  • It sounds like she is holding back because you are in rebound mode. You are in no way ready to embark on a life long commitment and she isn't willing to deal with the sh*t storm from your ex for a fling.

    BUT, if your ex is the cheater, she should not be mad about someone else hooking up with you, but there might be more in play than you shared. It does seem obvious that your friend is worried about HER friend (your ex).. or she knows she is crazy and don't want to have to buy new tires every other week.

    Either way, your emotions are raw, and you are horny.. go deal with the later and worry about the former later when the dust has settled. If your friend is "the one", you both have the rest of your lives to decide when you are both in a good place to make that happen.

    Good Luck,

    James

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  • You chase her. Plain and simple. 'Your wife's feelings?' She lost the right to carry any weight with her feelings towards what you and this lady do when she cheated on you man. I'm not sure what the kid's situation is, but it looks like you two have a promising future if you pursue it with this woman. I'm not sure how it will effect the kids, I don't have enough context or life experience haha, but I do know that when the people around you are happy, it tends to make you happier as a result, which makes me believe that if you two get together and have a great relationship, your kids will eventually see that, and benefit from it.

    Good luck, and again, chase her.

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  • First of all, do whatever you want. Ignore the ex wife, you her nothing. If you really think that this is not just a rebound situation, then give her some time and the pursue her.

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  • Wait until your divorce is final.

    Women don't usually like to get involved with a guy when there's a wife still in the picture. Especially if they know her.

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