My guy is going through a really difficult time; how can I keep him from pushing me away?

I have been dating a guy for almost two months. He is very sensitive and considerate and we have been taking it slow. We have stayed the night at each others' homes, but only cuddled. We have not had sex. He has told me that he cares for me so much that it scares him and that he asks himself why someone like me would want to be involved with someone like him who has so much baggage. He is divorced with two kids. I've told him that I care about him and am happy he is in my life. Things were going well and we were growing closer. We call, text or see each other almost every day, but last week things changed. He was fighting a DUI, but lost his case last week and spent the night in jail. (Valentine's night to be exact.) Now, he has pretty much stopped texting me and has stopped calling me altogether. I have not seen him since the day before his trial, when he stayed over and we just cuddled. I know he is freaking out and worried about what impact this will have on his life, including his ability to see his kids. I have told him every day that I am here for him and I care about him no matter what and will help him through this. I've told him I want to talk to him or see him because I miss him. He just texts me back to say thank you for the messages. But he isn't initiating any contact with me. I don't want to be pushy or smother him, but this relationship is so new and I don't know the best way to be there for him. Nor do I want him to walk away from this because his life is too complicated. I need advice on how to be there for him without overwhelming him. Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Spend time with him. Don't just go through texting. Be there for him.

    He must be feeling so down.

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What Guys Said 1

  • 1. That's a good question.

    2. Why would you want to do that?

    3. Stop texting.

    4. He's got a drinking problem.

    5. Life's short.

    6. He is in a crisis.

    7. Its not your fault or your problem.

    8. Are they your kids?

    9. If so, then you have a rough road ahead of you with the jail-guy/ drunk.

    10. What a shame.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Be supportive by giving him peace, and by that I mean giving him the space he's politely asking for. This kind of stuff can be hard to talk about with a friend you've had for many years, or a family member, let alone someone he's been dating for two months. Plus, sometimes people (more often guys than gals) would rather have silence and work things out on their own, instead of talk it out with a confidant. He'll be comforted just knowing you're thinking of him. Let him know you're looking forward to hearing from him or seeing him when he's up to it. You don't want him to feel pressured or guilty about needing space/not seeing you, that would only add to his stress, which isn't an influence he needs in his life right now. Patience, mirror his interest level. Good luck to you.

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