What's your view on how serious/important a dating relationship should be?

What I mean is, when you're in a serious exclusive relationship, do you always put that person first and consider the relationship's needs above your own personal needs?

I'm torn on this. I definitely want to consider the other person and all that, but I also feel that as there is no marriage or lifetime commitment, I should be considering my life goals and ideas a little more overall.

For example, if I have a week's vacation, and I could either spend it with my boyfriend or spend it going to France, I would choose France because I love travelling. If I was married, I would consider that we as a couple might not be able to afford it, or should spend our money elsewhere, or wait til my husband also had vacation time.

Or for another example, if I had the chance to take on a large project at work, or take a class or something that I was interested in, I would do that now even if it meant less time with my boyfriend. If I was married I'd know that I'd have to discuss it with my husband so we could decide if it was a good idea.

Or simply deciding who my friends are - I think dating people should decide for themselves, but married people would have to consider whether their spouse also likes them or not.

Does all this seem like my view is too selfish? It can also be argued that if you live your life totally by your own rules when you're dating, it's not going to change when you're married. I think it should because you've made the decision and commitment with marriage, but maybe dating is supposed to be more important than I'm saying here.

I'd like to know your opinions! Let me know if you have questions about this, I don't know how well I explained myself.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel the same exact way! I thought I was the only one. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now and we are both still in college and sometimes there are things I want to do but it would mean spending less time with him. For the summer I left for a month to South America and although he was sad to see me go, I wanted to go. I missed him terribly but I also enjoyed myself. He could not go by the way because of work. I felt it made is stronger though.

    How I see it is that when people are dating, yes you should care about the other person but also enjoy yourself and do the things you like. I think a lot of people say that marriage changes everything because once you get married, you not only have to think about yourself when making a decision, but you have to see what your partner thinks as well. If the relationship is barely starting, I don't think it is selfish at all to do things that will benefit you and things that you personally like. I guess once you start to get into a really serious relationship or even get married, then that's when its time to think about how your actions and choices affect the other person too. Because after all you are going to be sharing your life with them.

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    • Yeah I'm glad you think the same way! But when do you think the "serious relationship" starts? I mean I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2.5 years, and we're not at a place to get married, and aren't engaged but it has been a while. I guess my opinion then would be getting engaged starts the commitment that you're going to always consider both of you above just you. What do you think?

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    • I think that comment actually may have helped me. I really don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I used to think I did, but stuff changed and now I'm not sure. I just need to figure stuff out :P Thanks.

    • your welcome (:

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