How do I keep guys interested? (In general dating advice)

I am lucky to be constantly asked on dates, however I am very picky with who I actually go out with. It is very rare for one of these guys to catch my attention... but when it happens, it always seems like the tables turn very quickly and the guy loses interest. Why is this?

I don't play games, if I am interested in a guy I will text him and call him (but within reason, I don't send 2 texts back to back with no reply or anything crazy like that), I will do little things for him like cook him dinner or massage his back. I make it clear that I am interested so I don't need to say it, ya know? I have many guy friends and all of them say that I'm a great catch and even sometimes they wish their girlfriend treated them like I treat the guys I date.

So why am I single? What can I do differently?

Updates:
When I say I don't play games, I mean like playing "hard to get" or any other psychological dating games.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Haha you and I are pretty much the same when it comes to dating. It's easy to get dates and I go on a lot of them but things never work out and yes it's frustrating as hell. I've got high standards because I know I'm a great guy and I'm looking for a relationship, not a one time temporary girl to screw around with. I'm not going to tell you to lower your standards, nor do I think you come on too strong. You're really pretty, so I think a lot of the guys you go out with aren't interested in a meaningful relationship, rather they want to have some fun with the girl in front of them without a commitment. Keep in mind that many guys our age are really only interested in hooking up and no relationship. So you're getting guys like that who then get annoyed when they see you want something serious so they leave.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you; I went through years of going on dates with the wrong girls and things would never work out and EVERYBODY wonders why I'm single so you're not alone. You're upfront, genuine, and honest which my last date taught me that many people are not like that. You just need to find a guy who has the courage to be confident in himself and also be upfront and honest with how he feels. Don't listen to all the guys giving you sh*t, they're in te same category as all the douche bags out there so don't mind their criticism. It's really nice to know that there's a pretty girl out there who sticks to who she is and isn't sleeping around :)

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    • Thank you! So let me get this straight... in the guy world, if a girl is pretty, all you want to do is sleep with her? That doesn't make any sense! I would think that if a girl is pretty, then the guy would want to keep her around to 'show off,' because men are prideful creatures. This just blows my mind.

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    • I am very specific, that's what I meant by that I'm picky. Maybe I just need to learn to read people better! :) Thanks!

    • Reading people helps. If all these guys you've been on dates with are similar as in personality, things they're into, their lack of wanting something serious, etc, then that's something you need to work on; catching those queues early on that give off a guy who fits in that category. But this is part of what dating is anyways, so have fun, good luck, and don't let douche bag a**holes bring you down :)

What Guys Said 10

  • Wow that's actually refreshing to hear that someone doesn't want to play games.

    I had a strange experience just a week ago. I went out and meat this girl that I had talked to a few weeks ago we started hanging out and she was a little under the influence. And when we went dancing she started coming on to me a little. You know physical contact, giving a quick kiss, etc.

    And while I found her really nice and she was attractive I actually found it a little intimidating that I wasn't doing any of the work. I mean I usually have to bust my ... to try and get a girl to like me and I still fall short on my nose. Never the less I was a gentleman and did not take advantage of the situation because of two reasons. First she was under the influence and second I have a crush that I'm trying to get on her good side and just wasn't on the marked or how to say. But I did feel flattered that this happened and that she was interested in me.

    So yeah like someone already said I think that if I liked a girl and she seemed to like me back (witch would be a miracle at this stage) I think that it would be great if she just responded to me trying to win her over. I'm not saying like playing games just as in showing or hinting that I have a shoot and then letting me make an ass out of myself trying to win her over and responding so that the outcome is positive for both. I don't know if I'm making any sense.

    I think that maybe the thrill of a chase is important to create that deep attraction knowing you want to be with someone, hoping it will come true, knowing that you're making an ass out of yourself and thinking this will never fly and then finally realizing wow it happened and for once all the stares aligned and you had a lucky day. I seem to remember it as a very nice feeling (usually I just get the "what were you thinking that you could actually get her" feeling).

    Maybe if there's no chase involved it either looks too good to be true aka a trap or looks too easy. The third might be what someone already mentioned that they might not be interested in a relationship.

    As far as the games go. I've never been successful in that area because I tend to get scared off. If she gives of a vibe first that she's interested and then it goes south and not interested anymore. I tend to give up since I usually make a bigger ass out of myself and never seem to know if I should pursue it further or not.

    I hope you figure it out because in a nutshell I know it sucks thinking what am I doing wrong that it doesn't work for me but all the creeps around have it easy.

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  • you give me a vibe that you are fast and bold .. I would imagine when they get to know you that they would feel you are more of the leader in the chair than them... relax and let them take the flow a bit... don't play mind games.. however mind games are different from acting a harmful pattern... I am only guessing here... may be you are too forward with the guys you ar interested in ? too intense even in the short period you meet them? guys love to be in control but would like your ''cooperation'' lol meaning don't either take over the flow or sit there like a brick wall.. let them take the lead 75% .. agree with them around 50 % ... don't be hard to get .. but don't be too agreeable or jumpy...

    ok this was disorganized lol... I don't think you have to compromise on anything when it is in regards to sex or .. because in my opinion .. and I am not in the majority here .. that true people who are after a relationship with someone don't care about sex from day one .. they want to build a relationship with you . Just don't be too all over the guy when you start dating them.. rellaaaax and let them feel you are cool .. let them wonder if you will accept their second date .

    allright buddy ?! all the best and tell us how it goes :D

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  • Well, you probably suck, you need to start dating all kind of guys so you can develop more your personality, become less uptight, less judgemental, and stop labeling people, then you can like someone for their actually qualities and not for stupid superficial standards. Only then you can have a healthy relationship.

    Also guys like sex, if you are a major whore in bed, no guy is going to leave you.

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    • I don't suck, and I have dated plenty of guys... I even date outside of my comfort zone to enhance my experience. I don't judge, nor am I uptight, I just know what I want in a person. Most people don't even know that.

      Next time, try answering a question more respectfully. Thanks!

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    • Then something is wrong with you, I can't help you unless I would talk to you, but I'm not interested, you will have to figure it out on your ownl

    • You are an immature a**hole. Why would me getting noticed by players and douche bags be MY fault? hmm? And most importantly, why would I want to talk to you in the first place? I told you from the BEGINNING that I didn't like the way you spoke to me. You are only repeating what I have said.

      Chances are, you have issues with rejection too.

  • It depends on the guy of course, but in general you have to try to find that tricky balance between letting a guy know you're totally into him (guys like to feel wanted too!) without making him feel smothered at all (clingy is always bad). Beyond that, just learn what his interests are (sports, music, whatever) and try to figure out activities you guys can do together...going to a concert/show, or attending a live sporting event, stuff like that. It's kinda cheesy but it helps build that connection and for guys it's just cool if we feel like we can legitimately relate to a girl beyond the usual superficial dating stuff.

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    • I'm just confused about this tricky balance... to one guy I can be clingy but to another guy I don't talk to him enough.

    • To QA: Maybe put a time limit on talking to him. Say 10 minutes. After 10 minutes end it. Also if you feel the conversation is going into a lull then also end the convo. before it gets to that point. This way you kill two birds with one stone. You leave him wanting more, plus you avoid being clingy.

    • I used to be that girl initiating dates and teh guys would lose interest smh it s so tiring. I started playing hard to get the treat me liek a princess then when we have sex like for 2-3 months they dump me. I guess I am just a sex symbol flipping sicks and I date all races smh

  • Forgive me for saying this, but you are very beautiful, so it's possible that guys date you to f*** you, but you aren't willing to have sex so quickly. Thus, they lose interest and look for an easier girl. If my theory is correct, those guys are doing you a favor by not wasting too much of your time.

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    • I agree. This right here is what leads me to believe that hot women have more trouble than you think since they all want to get into there pants and then give up after date 2 or 3 when she doesn't put out.

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    • I don't think it's wise to be with a guy who wants to f*** you without also trying to get to know you.

      I know that some of the best marriages actually started off as one night stands, but it was because those people actually got to know each other.

    • that is always my case that sh*t sucks. Unlike her I don't do much favors I have a high sex drive I try to avoid secluded places that will probably prompt me to you know. I have self control though, just not in secluded places. Most times if I don't give sex within 3months guys bail. it sucks and it is depressing but you know what I got saved

  • It sounds like you're doing everything right. Now, you were pretty much generic in your description and left out details. How are you as a conversationalist? Do you enjoy going places, participating in activities...etc? If all of these are an honest "yes", then there is no explanation I can think of. You're an attractive female that seems to be doing everything right. Maybe they're shy around you? I've been the type where I won't really pursue unless I know for certain a girl is interested. I'd probably send an extra text beyond the one that you initially send. If they don't get the message they're either dense or not interested in the opposite sex. There really isn't a logical explanation I can think of.

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    • I am often complimented how comfortable I make people feel with my conversation skills, I am educated so I can carry on a lengthy conversation and challenge whomever I am talking with. I like going to new places and trying new foods. I am not picky about anything. I am also an independent woman, so I am not afraid to pay for things myself, however I still will allow a man to hold a door for me or pay the tab if he wants to.

  • They probably lose interest because they think your stuck up with how picky you are.but if you ask me personally I think you have the perfect reason to be... your f***ing gorgeous baby girl! Seriously. Ull avanchully find someone that's perfect for you an when you do ull know it.but when you know uve got that person do everything to be the perfect girlfriend an make him happy an he deff won't lose interest.

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    • The Thirst... Lol

    • well thank you, but the guys don't know how picky I am because I don't verbalize who I date and who I don't date to them. I actually have been described as pretty down to earth.

  • show more leg lol

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  • Make him feel wanted give him a kiss or something once and a while and get involved in one or two things he enjoys doing!

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  • With that beautiful smile :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • Do simple things.

    If he likes coffee, buy his favorite brand and make it for him.

    Submit to him sometimes, guys like to feel more emasculated than they already are.

    I was going to say play video games, but you stated you don't play them.

    Tbh I'm not a really affectionate type of person, but I play mmorpgs with my boyfriend, we have webcam dates while in the same house lol, have inside water fights, I make his favorite coffee and I make up little arguments that end in us laughing at how material we as people can get. I sometimes ask can we have an argument, like a first real argument and he only gets flushed and smothers me in a hug.

    Tell him you love him lol, I guess those things work in this century, that word is a nice time waster when trying to figure how to actually keep someone interested.

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    • thank you, but when I say I don't play games, I mean I don't play hard to get or any of those dating psychological games. I play video games :)

  • ok maybe you do too much? Like...they may feel like you're too serious too fast.

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    • I've had that complaint before too... but again it varies between guys. I feel that if I don't act how I want to act then I'm not acting true to myself and I'm afraid that I will come off as fake. Maybe I should back it off a little

    • Just instead of the voluntarily doin stuff just make sure you're there when they ask. Like the first time do it without him asking but after that If they want you to do something they'll ask. Just to avoid scaring them lol but I'm the same way you are. Growing up my mom always made sure my dad didn't have to lift a finger lol

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