Guys: If you like her, why opt for casual instead of dating her?

If you like a girl, enjoy being with her, want to spend additional time with her (going to the beach, seeing a film, going to gallery, etc), then why tell her you only want a "fun" relationship, a "casual thing". Why not try dating her?

  • I just want sex without committment
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  • I am not in the right space to have a relationship right now
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  • Waiting for someone better- she'll do
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  • I'm confused!!
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  • Other - need to comment on this.
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Isn't it just a maturity thing? I mean when I was younger, I did no-strings-attached things... but not anymore. Surely as you get older/ mature, these sorts of things seem silly and waste time?
I wonder whether this has become a kick-back from the younger generations... Even 30 year old men are doing it- asking for sex instead of a friendship/ relationship. As a principle, I wonder why. "Me" is completely out of the equation.


The proposition (wanting casual sex) seems to go hand in hand with low self-esteem, lack of respect (for self and others) and instant gratification.


Thoughts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've always wondered why guys do this. Maybe it's because he doesn't like you enough to be exclusive, or he's genuinely afraid of commitment right now.

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    • I'm more fascinated in why rather than in relation to me specifically. Asking a girl for sex seems somewhat disrespectful, I think.

What Guys Said 8

  • Honestly for me, I'm the type of type of guy who wants a relationship with a girl I really like. I don't get involved with girls who I don't like because its a waste of my time and deviates me from my goal. If its a girl I like, I want commitment and be exclusive, and to spend time with her and share my life with her. I am man enough that I can handle giving in here and there and dealing with having a relationship as my "weakness" as a guy, like another QA mentioned. I could honestly care less how other guys see me because I'm together with someone. I only care about that when I'm single. I disagree with whole alpha male thing. Yeah that might apply when your single. But when your together, your still the Alpha male because your with a girl, she's exclusive to you at the expensive of you being exclusive to her. Is it really that bad? No it isnt. Casual dating has ruined the dating world because nobody knows what anybody wants anymore. The only reason I find myself in a casual relationship is when I'm confused what a girl wants. But since I don't like casual relationships, it needs to eventually go into something more or I leave it. I'm finding increasingly more girls just want casual relationships and that's troublesome. If this keeps going on, then eventually the whole world is going to be single and the only time men and women ever talk will be to just have sex. That's stupid in all honestly. Anyhow, that's just where I stand.

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  • Hey, lots of us think formal dating spoils a relationship, and makes it too artificial, and too competitive. Personally, I gave up foprmal dating in my teens, and never regrettted it at all.

    Just being togeter without plans or rituals..this works better for getting to know someone on an equal footing.

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    • It's better not to rush into sex since often you never get to know each other,before you break up!

  • Some guys are Cheap, an don't want Commitment on their Conscience, lol So take Easy Way Out.

    That's right I said it lol.

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  • some people never grow up. sad but true

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  • Because once it gets serious then there are all sorts of obligations and restrictions that go unsaid so its really quite a bomb to drop on someone.

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  • Relationships can get complicated, and if we're already getting laid why take that exstra step to get committed? It could ruin the perfect "relationship" we already have. If you want a committed realationship you need to establish it right away, lots of girls go into a "just fun" thing with a guy in hopes that it will change in time but it won't. It will just end, but its not that we don't like her like that. We just arn't willing to give our love to someone. It has to do with the whole alfa male thing (wich is a lot more complicated then a girl might think) if a guy thinks he is the alfa he will try and sleep with as many girls as he can to secure his role as the alfa, and being in a committed relationship will show some weakness in him, and his girl will become his weakness. And in his mind someone will use that against him to take his place. If the guy feels that he is not the alfa he may not want commitment because he knows that someone better will come along and win her over, leaving him with a broken heart.

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    • Oh come on, don't guys grow out of this alpha male mentality eventually? It's just childishness.

    • Show All
    • Are you a statistician now? Men are not *more likely* to commit suicide over a woman. What study shows that? Men are more likely to commit suicide than women but the reasons for this are actually more along the lines of how men tend to have less resources and supports than women so they lash out instead of talking.

      An assertive man is not a tosser. There is a fine line between assertive and abusive, but there is still a line. Assertive is clear, succinct and self respecting.

    • I'd say it is because men typically put all their “emotional eggs” in the basket. so when a relationship ends, they may feel the “four prerequisites to suicide” 1. no one wants me; 2. no one needs me; 3. there is no hope of that changing; 4. I don’t feel I can speak to anyone who will really empathize.. because I need to fill the "man" role , those feelings and their hormones are the invisible stepping-stones to suicide. Every guy can remember these words "boys don't cry, girls cry"

  • Because dating would imply some level of exclusivity.

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  • Doesn't sound like he actually likes her that way. Just something said so you won't completely turn away from something casual.

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    • @update: I don't know. Girls seem more willing to be in casual relationships than they used to be. Why be in a relationship with them when you can just do that? Sex without putting up with your sh*t. It's like they're playing right into our hands and they even say it's empowering for them to do. It's great.

What Girls Said 3

  • Because there's a difference between enjoying someone and wanting to spend time with them versus the "OMG I need her to be MINE" feeling. I enjoy my friends and like spending time with them.

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    • Re: your update. I think it depends on someone's a history. A man in his 30s who has never been married or had kids is probably more likely to want to settle down. A man in his 30s who has already been married and divorced will probably want to engage in casual relationships. Same goes for a lot of women.

  • I agree with your last comment, the low self-esteem thing. When I went through my no-strings phase I had a lot of issues with myself and wasn't happy with who I was, so sex was a way to validate myself. Of course at the time I was emotionally unavailable to allow someone to actually love me, I thought I didn't deserve it. A lot of my female friends went through the same thing, I'm not sure about guys.

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  • Because they don't want to commit to you, they want to keep their options open in case someone else comes along. Yall are just kickin it, it ain't like yall go together

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    • beginning to agree with all the girls on this too. geez men can be tools.

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