Interracial Dating: Awkward...

I'm dating interracially. Not for any ulterior motive. Been together for four years and are madly in love.

Even after all this time though, it still makes my skin crawl with the attention we get. Its always subtle. Maybe a double take, an awkward grin, sometimes exchanged glances between other couples. We both have gotten the up and down look, and then after that comes the confusion.

(I'm African American if that matters). I've gotten better at ignoring it, as I made that choice when I became part of an IR relationship. But I wish it still wouldn't be so weird for everyone.

I'm the type of person who likes to melt into the background and not draw attention to myself. But I constantly think about what people must be thinking because I've found that people don't assume your in an IR relationship for love. It's always negative assumptions that people use to pigeon-hole...unusual pairings, if you will.

My boyfriend holds my hand tightly as we stroll anywhere public and it gives me strength. I usually have a tough skin but these thoughts make me nervous.

Anyone else feel the same who are in IRs'?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been in a few interracial relationships. Yeah I know the feeling. People gave me such crap for it. People giving her crap for it telling her to date a black guy instead. People telling me to date a white girl. People staring, people acting snooty, people giving the stinkeye. Then there where all the people who tried telling her that I was just using her. They'd tell her I was using her, or how I was only dating her because she's black, or because she's not white like it was some kind of a fetish. Then there's the people who tried to break us up by lying to her, telling her I was cheating on her. It was all a bunch of crap.

    Alas, you are not alone. This kind of stuff happens all the time. People are still racist. They're still prejudiced. If anyone disagrees with me, try dating someone of another race sometime, and see what I'm talking about. Don't want to? Try this. Imagine your offspring, siblings, cousin, or close family member dating someone of a different race. Now be honest. How do you think you'll react? I know how I'd react. I've done it. I've seen it done. I know how it is. Do you?

    Anyway, DarkSamus, I do sympathize. It does suck when people give you crap. Though I will tell you that if all you're getting is stares, you've got it good. It bites how people can get. So many say they're not racist, but some people will surprise you. Yeah, again, it sucks.

    I wish you the best with your boyfriend. I hope that what other people think say and do doesn't effect you and your relationship as it did mine. I often wondered if that's why the relationship fell apart, or rather whether if it was a major contributing factor. So I wish you the best, and hope things work out between you. Stay strong, and try not to let those bastards get to you.

    Good luck.


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What Guys Said 8

  • First of you have to view yourself as a couple (though it's evident that you're in IR) and focus on yourself, each other and your relationship. There are many people who have various reasons why they exhibit such terrible or questionable behavior.

    1: Some people aren't used to seeing IR couples so yes, they do find it "different" so to speak. This is probably a very small group of people who lived very sheltered lives and don't have a vast amount of worldly experience so I chalk it up to curiosity.

    2. You have some people still caught up in the 1940's time warp. These people for some reason find it difficult or impossible to fast forward to modern times. This I pretty much chalk up to just plain racism and ignorance.

    3. Then you have the haters. You know the ones. They're the ones who are in modern times, but they seem to have the double standard. These people are the opposite gender representatives. The male gender of the female represented in the IR tend to look down on it, even though he may be in an IR themselves. The female who shares the same race as the male in the IR, they tend to exhibit the same behavior. Again it's pretty much a sign of selfishness and ignorance.

    4. Then you have the flat out racists, who just feel it's wrong and that certain races should date exclusively within the confines of their own race.

    My personal feelings regarding IR is that I am all for it, as long as it's for genuine purposes and not for ulterior motives and no one is defaming or degrading the opposite gender of their own race to justify their IR.

    I'm in an IR myself (I'm also Afro-American/American Indian) and she is Far Eastern Asian. We aren't representative of the typical IR couple, but for us, it doesn't matter. We do try to educate and dispel the controversy when we're confronted with it. Also we tend to be a little more conscious of our surroundings because you never know how people will react, be it verbally, physically or both, so basically it's like enjoy your relationship, but be aware of your surroundings just as if you were alone in a strange and unknown environment.

    Ultimately you are responsible for your own actions and your own happiness, so if he makes you happy, then by all means enjoy your time with each other. People too are responsible for their own actions and they will say or do things that you deem uncomfortable or offensive. If they don't share your views they won't mind conveying it. It's just up to us to educate them and if they're not receptive to it, then it's best to avoid them entirely.

    I wish you well and the best of luck in your relationship.

  • My wife and I (she's Venezuelan) get a lot of the same vibes..Here in the San Francisco area, it's also usually subtle, people here are generally PC about not making obvious comments about it. But over the phone, my wife gets put down because of her accent all the time...

    I can only imagine what it's like if you live in smaller towns, or in the less cosmopolitan areas of the country, God forbid below the Mason Dixon line..I don't know where you are, but if you'

    are not in a big city in the North, I really feel for you.

    And actually, even in the North, it's of course worse for you. Your skin color makes you stand out more than my wife's accent does...

  • On some just depends. Maybe you are turned on by the fact you are interracial. I've seen many girls take "pride" in the fact they're having sex with a black guy.

    Like #blackandwhite on twitter.

    It's just funny. Like racists trying to prove they aren't racists just because they had sex with a black guy or something.

    The world is RACIST.

  • Im also the kind of person that like to be in he background & draw no attention.

    HOWEVER I have this attitude about me that I don't feel the need to prove myself to anyone even my patents sometimes. So when I was dating a white girl & I'm black I didn't even notice if people were looking weird at us.

    But ask your guy if he wants to do something I would do: you tell him if you feel such & such a person is looking at you while in the restaurant. & he gives them a nice "got a problem?" look.

    By the way don't feel bad for not liking people's weird & potentially racist glances.

  • Maybe you should move to California. I live here. Just yesterday, I literally think I saw a guy making out with a green alien female and everyone was like "oh ya, that's normal" and just kept walking.


  • Probably looking at you because black women in interracial relationships aren't too common. It's probably not just because they disapprove or anything, though there will be exceptions. I don't know what race your boyfriend is, but if he's white, you have one of the better statistics for staying together after marriage. It's not an unstable relationship as many other interracial marriages. Kind of interesting, isn't it?

  • White women love black guys. Who cares.

  • Are the people staring paying your bills, mowing your yard, helping you move, doing your homework, watering your plants or cleaning your home for free? If not the F*** them and what they think. You are NOT in an inter racial relationship. If you and your mate can spawn children than I say you are with the same race and should not care what ANYONE idiot thinks. Let them stare.


What Girls Said 10

  • Anything out of the "norm" people are going to treat you badly because you aren't being a good little girl and going along with the crowd and the norms of life and what you are "supposed" to do. People expect you to date within your race because it isn't that common to date outside your race.

    If you keep thinking about it and dwelling on what people think and the way that they look at you.. it will only cause you stress and hurt your relationship in the long run.

    Don't let the world define who you are and set standards for you. Do what you truly feel is right.. and if you believe in God.. then seek Him.

    I choose not to worry about what people think about me because the world is full of critics. Someone could tell you to date this person, then another one tell you to date this person, and so on and so forth.

    Just let go.. it is what it is.. you are in love.. those are facts and these are facts.. there will always be haters, judgmental people.. and like I said before.. critics.

    Be happy with who you are.

    Don't let society brainwash you into their set standards.

    Because their standards of living will send you to eternal death.

    May Jesus bless you, your boyfriend and your life :)

  • I get that a lot when I'm with my boyfriend. A lot of the time when people ask what is he they act extremely shocked when I tell them and then act as if it is weird. We were on a date once and these two drunk guys yelled racial slurs at my boyfriend and said things about him taking their white girls (thank god at that moment he was trying to find a song on his ipod for me). It doesn't happen too often since where I live its pretty liberal but when it does its pretty awkward. I met his family recently and we had dinner and a good deal of the restaurant kept looking at our group, as if I wasn't nervous enough!

    Just remember that even if people are looking at you it doesn't mean what they are thinking are bad things. Wish you the best!

  • Maybe it's just our campus, but no one pays attention to who's dating who

    All I can say is a relationship is about two people. So long as the both of you are happy together, that IS truly all that matters.

    People will always hold opinions towards you, him, me, my next door neighbor, Paris Hilton, God, The Queen of England. It's inevitable. We just have to accept that not everyone will find us attractive, like us, want to be friends with us, approve of our every action or our decisions.

    Just be content within your relationship and pay no attention to other people

  • I almost always have had black boyfriends and white men cursed at me for it and black girls attacked me for it and my parents threw me out of the house because of it! And it only makes me more attracted to black men.

    Just do what you want and ignore the haters

  • I got a interracial boyfriend. He loves me very much, have a good time every day now

    Between blacks and whites, there should be no racial discrimination,As articles , black and white looks very match together, very harmonious.Let's talk about another topic, Love sees no color.racial marriage.Has become a trend.More and more people feel the racial love journey,True love is regardless of color, regardless of their race.So love me love my color,.If you don't mind, I'd like to recommend you an a serious of interesting dating places.Search Google or Bing by? its the largest and best club for seeking interracial singles, black athletes, doctors, lawyers, investors, entrepreneurs, They want to find a serious dating relationship,find a good reliable lover for a long lasting relationship with love. no racial discrimination,just try dating the site member of single to see if it worth your time. Best wishes. You lovely Cupid!

  • you should not care what anyone else thinks! I'm a 27 year old white woman and I am only attracted to black what! there's interracial relationships everywhere these first my parents were weird about it (esp my mom) but they got over it. ofcorse the "older" crowd are going to be the first ones to stare down (esp grandparents!) trust me...i know! the fact of the matter is you both at happy with eachother! that's all that should matter

  • I don't know, I think sometimes you have to give people the benefit of the doubt a little.

    I know there are many racists and haters out there but I also think it is natural that people are just going to stare at what they're not used to... it doesn't mean they're judging you, it's just human nature.

  • Don't make a mountain out of a mole-hole, these days nobody really cares. It's all in your head. Who doesn't look at couples? I'm half black, half white and dating a Moroccan who has tan skin just like me. People will still look because they can sense the chemistry coming off of us OR because affection in public just draws attention anyway. in the rare instance that someone gives you a strange look or says something, ignore it. That's their problem, not yours. But seriously, stop thinking so much. It's not fair on your boyfriend either.

  • Ok. I'm in an interracial relationship and its not this serious lol and I live in the south. The real south. First state to secede from the union. Don't be so dramatic. If you act like you don't notice it other people won't either.

    • Me and my partner have a 42 year age difference so their minds are taken off race and they try to figure out why he's so old lol a lady in Taco Bell asked me if I needed help! LMAO!

    • Show All
    • 20s

    • Wow, massive age difference lol

  • I'm always too distracted by my guy to really pay attention to others :)