How would you label this scenario? (Relationship, dating, friendship?)

- You hang out with this person one on one doing multiple activities: bowling, mini-golf, movies, ice skating.

- The guy normally pays when you hang out.

- You and this person hold hands and cuddle.

- You and this person go to church together.

- You have met this person's family and friends.

- There is chemistry and both of you like each other... and the feeling is mutual.

HOWEVER:

- There has been talk of a relationship and the guy wants to take things slow and see where things go.

Is this the start of a relationship? Are we just friends? or are we dating?

Thanks for all your help and advice! I will return the favor and answer any questions you may have :)

Updates:
What is funny is that the guy defines us as "friends that are seeing where things are going." He has never had a girlfriend so I think he is kinda clueless about the whole situation.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The guys interested in you. Right now he's trying to come to grips with the idea of a commitment (and the potential it has to utterly destroy his life). He's also trying to figure out if you're actually an adult or simply a girl-child who wants to be taken care of and spoiled her entire life.

    My advice is this:

    Decide if you want this particular guy. If you do then you need to start contributing equally to the relationship. Next time you guys go out... pay for him. Become his equal. If you manage to make steps toward that, you'll find his resistance melts away.

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    • I am currently paying for everything because he lost his job. His current financial situation is the main reason why he wants to take things slow. I have actually contributed more to this 'relationship' than he is... I have also cooked for him several times as well.

What Guys Said 8

  • It's up the two of you to, you know, TALK about what you each want, and decide for yourselves what it means.

    You are fairly young, and a lot of girls especially, when they've not had a lot of relationship experience, tend to think it's bad or wrong for them to create definitions and set rules and guidelines, but if you don't, your relationships tend to be chaotic, misunderstandings are frequent, and you both end up dealing with a lot of unnecessary pain and hassle.

    Talk to the guy, define your relationship between you, so that you both know what to expect from each other (or realize that you want different things, and break it off), or prepare for lots more confusion, questions, insecurity, and pain.

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    • You need to realize that it is YOUR choice whether or not to accept this "in limbo" status where you have no idea what you are or where your relationship is going. Right now, he has no responsibilities, and chances are, he's going to keep things that way as long as you let him get away with it, while he slowly increases his "benefits." That gives him all the power, and leaves you with none. Are you okay with that? If not, it's up to you to change it and insist on structure.

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    • Ok, we are kinda defined at the moment being "friends and seeing where things go" and we have decided to not kiss or have sex right now (and that's hard because we did in the past), and neither of us are talking/dating anyone else. When do you think I should bring up the topic of moving from being "friends" to dating? especially since we just talked about this last week.

    • That's really up to you. I just caution you not to spend too long "in limbo." it's totally up to you to create your own time-table, just be clear about what it is, and when that time has come and gone, he should either move forward, or you should break up. Don't let him keep you in limbo forever, if you want more. Better to find someone else who is more prepared to commit to you for real.

  • I think this is the question you can ask him.

    However unless you are "hooking up" and it makes you uncomfortable (or conversely lack of "hooking up" makes you uncomfortable lol), or have suspicions that he is holding you on "hot stand-by" while he is hooking up with the "previous girl", so long as you don't over-extend yourself financially, I see no issue taking it slow.

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    • It is the lack of hooking up that I don't like. I am all for a relationship, but he is very hesitant mostly due to his lack of employment and he lives at home, but also due to the fact that he hasn't really had a relationship before. My only question, is how slow is slow? He is super shy and I don't want to rush him, but I'm not going to waste my time either.

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    • He did not like it, maybe you guys aren't sexually very compatible.

      It happens.

    • No he liked it... he just doesn't believe in sex before marriage so he felt guilty

  • you two are unofficially dating. he still wants to take it slow just in case he's uncertain.

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  • don't rush things sounds like yous are having a great time just keep hanging out and see where it goes. do yous make out at all?

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    • no, I wish though. We started off as "dating" and used to make out, we even had sex once, but since he lost his job we went back to "friends" and he isn't comfortable with kissing me when we aren't officially together.

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    • Thank you! :)

    • No problem just be ther as the best friend you can support him all the way when he is back on his feet he will remeber how much you where ther for him and how it didn't bother you that he was jobless for a while.

  • dating for sure

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  • Id say dating, friends don't usually hold hands and cuddle together..

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  • Dating definitely

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  • its dating and start of a relationship..:)

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What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like you have a good thing going, but he just needs more time. Commitment can be scary for a lot of people. This could give you the time to get to know each other better than anyone else and that will make your relationship stronger when it does come down to that. Let it happen naturally instead of forcing him into anything.

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    • How much more time is needed though? I understand it is impossible to know, but it just makes me uneasy with all the unknowns, especially since my emotions are invested. What if we never move out of the "friends seeing where things go" stage?

  • it's like dating but not a relationship

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