Couldn't tell his "ex" we were dating.

So my boyfriend and I have been off and on for awhile now. We just got back together 7 months ago, and things were seemingly going well. He keeps in contact with a friend of his (who happens to be the first girl he fell for, the one who broke his heart, and the one he told me multiple times when we were broken up that he still had feelings for her), which is okay. I know her, like her, and I know she wouldn't go behind my back and date him while I am with him. I actually consider her a friend of mine and I send her emails here and there.

A few days ago, my boyfriend emailed me demanding to know whether I had told her we had gotten back together because apparently she knew and was giving him crap for not telling her. I told him I probably did, but that I hadn't spoken to her in awhile and couldn't remember exactly when I told her. He then got upset at me, saying that she was blowing up at him because he couldn't admit that he and I were dating after she had asked him MULTIPLE times. She felt he was being unfair to me and treating me wrongly. So he started blaming me for the whole ordeal, stating that I should have checked with him "before going and telling everyone we were dating again" because "he wasn't sure whether we were or not whenever it was I told her we were dating."

So I'm supposed to check in with him before telling people we're dating, even though we agreed we were back together some months ago? When I mentioned this to him, he defaulted to, "Well, we never made it OFFICIAL or anything. I never asked you out. And you never asked me." No, perhaps we never asked each other out, but we both sat there and I asked, "What are we? Dating?" and he replied, "Yes."

So anyway, I was furious, hurt, and upset, and I reflected on the situation a whole day before deciding that we needed to break up. I spoke to him later and tried to break up with him, but he dismissed my efforts as me being "emotional and sad" and said he wouldn't talk about that stuff until I felt better. He then explained that he felt PRESSURED by me to be in this relationship by his family and other things, and he started yelling at me about how much pressure was on him. But then he stated that he wanted to be with me. I then asked him why he wanted to be with me; I wanted to understand. He said I would never be able to understand. So basically, he couldn't list ONE REASON why he wanted to stay with me.

The day after I tried to break up with him, he sent me messages saying he loved me. He never says those things on his own; I have to initiate it.

What do you think: should I break up with him? I've given this a lot of thought, and it really bothers me that he didn't tell the girl that we were dating again, even though she had been constantly asking him. If he can't commit to it, why should I stick around? I'm not looking for a ring or anything. I just want something that shows he HOPES this relationship will go somewhere and that he's happy to be with me


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What Guys Said 1

  • You should break up with him. It's clear that he can't be proud having you as his girl, and even ashamed to tell it to his ex. It seems he just want to have you as an ego boost, and still have feelings for his ex.

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