So am I wrong for saying it's unfaithful? And being mad?

Ok.. ladies and gents. I am in desperate need of some opinions and advice. So last night. I was with my girlfriend ok, sooo then her best friend was there. And at a point, her friend, who is a female I might add. Which is also a point to why I am not sure what to think. Ok sooo her friend had told me int he past that her and my girlfriend have ""experimented"" with each other.. which is ok, I understand, It happens, I hear about it all the time. But I figured that it was before my relationship with my girlfriend... Soooo I thought nothing of it, past is past, its all good. Soooo we were watching a movie yesterday and my girlfriend was laying up against me on the couch, and her friend was pretty much laying up on or next to her under a blanket. Soooo, her friend proceeded to unzip and unbutton my gf's pants under the blanket... thinking maybe I won't notice or something idk. But ok, long story short without the details of how I knew what was going on, she was fingering/playing with my girlfriend right next to me, and thought they were secretive about it... Now, I didn't say anything.. I was thinking to myself wtf? like... wtf would I even say? Soooo I figured I would just trap up my anger/confusion and talk to my girlfriend about it when we were alone... soooo... then when we were alone... my stupid self can't come up with anything better to say something like ""by the way, tell your friend way to be obvious... and don't do that anymore"" and she just kinda gave me an ""embarassed, yet, not soo upset or ashamed"" ok. sooo and I can't help but like not be mad at her... like not even close, can't even act upset.. so I just hugged her and kissed her. Sooo... now... its eating me up inside... thinking about it and how I feel that it is unfaithful. I feel that its still bad even tho its a girl and her friend. Granite I'm glad its a girl and not a guy cause I would have for sure said something then and there. But anyways... its eating up at me and I feel that I missed my window to talk about it when I just brushed it away. And lately her and I have had a lot of ""discussions"" of thigns that are "wrong" or unappealing to the relationship. And I don't know.. I am afraid to bring this up and have her think all I do is complain or find things that are bad... but that's not it at all.. This one really upset me. We haven't been going out to long so I am still afraid of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time still. I feel like its not right for that to take place.. .am I wrong? What should I say...? or do...? I can't find the advice to give myself on this one... please everyone... just tell me if I'm wrong for even getting upset or mad...

I am really sorry for the book and a half here... But I really need some advice on this one. I don't normally ask for help cause I can figure stuff out myself. but this one has me beating my mind up bad. Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is literally no reason that the gender of the person your girlfriend was fooling around with should matter. There is literally no difference between her being fingered by a male friend she used to "fool around with" and a female friend that she used to "fool around with". Honestly, if I had a girlfriend that did that, I would have dumped her on the spot, no matter how much I liked her. That's just a disgustingly terrible thing to do.

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    • Idk. its not so much that it happened that mattered... its more like.. I am more upset that she didn't see that it was bad.. that she didn't even try to stop her friend or anything.. like.. I feel like it is unfaithful but she doesn't see it that way. And I am afraid to bring it up. I am not willing to dump her over this. I love her much. But I just don't know what to do or say to her. I am not willing to ruin my relationship with her over this. unless of course she feels its ok and it happens again

What Girls Said 1

  • its never too late to tell her how you feel. just be honest. tell her youve thought about it and think its wrong and what you expect in the future if she wants to remain in the relationship. you can't ignore these feelings and you shouldnt have to. she blatantly disrespected you.

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    • Wow, you're waiting for her and she let someone do this to her?! there's something wrong with this picture.

    • I talked to her... she didn't exactly have an excuse or reasoning behind what had happened... she apologized and was understanding as to why I was upset... but she promised never to do it again.... idk... her friend also tryed to get ahold of me thinking I might be mad at her, and I talked to her as well... I let them both know how I felt.... they both said it wouldn't happened again.. guess all I can do know is trust that it wont.

What Guys Said 4

  • Warren and Donkey are absolutely right. Sexual activity with somebody outside of your relationship--girl or guy--is being unfaithful. It is cheating. Would it be any different if you let some guy rub you down?

    You may think you love this girl and she loves you, but this won't end well. Hanging on is just prolonging the inevitable. You are going to end up split and you should. If she doesn't think fooling around with her girlfriend is a violation of the trust and commitment you two have together what makes you think that will change in the future? Or that she wouldn't do something similar with a guy just because it wasn't serious?

    Whatever you choose to do now, your relationship is not destined for long-term happiness and you will end up breaking up sooner or later. Move on. Why stay attached to a girl who isn't committed to your relationship and can't maintain appropriate boundaries?

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  • If she doesn't see why you'd have a problem with it, get some gal to unzip YOUR pants and jack you off next to your girlfriend. I'm sure she'll see your point. xD I'm not kidding. Unless you're in an open relationship (which you're obviously not), what she did -- allowed to be done to her -- is tantamount to cheating. As a previous answerer said, its no different from her letting an ex-boyfriend finger her.

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    • I Don't think that will end well -_- tho yes I see where you are comming from lol. to me its just more the fact that I am upset that anything not between me and her took place while we are together in the relationship. Its just I'm afraid the relationship doesn't mean as much to her as it does to me =/

  • you don't have to apologize for how you feel. if it makes you feel bad then you did the right thing to tell her.

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    • But you see I haven't really truly let her know it realllyy bothers me. I just kinda mentioned it. but that's it. I am looking to find what to say and how to say it without comming off bad or ruining anything. I just feel that its unfaithful and I feel she doesn't see it that way, and that a lot of things in the relationship that are typically a toss up of possible right and wrong, she just doesn't care about... idk... she's not as bad as I'm making her sound... I'm just not sure what to say or think..

    • Girls are usually very perceptive so she probably knows you didn't like it just from the comment. if she isn't too worried about what's right or wrong in a relationship then maybe she just doesn't care too much about having a relationship right now. I would just wait and see what happens. no need to make a big deal about it. if she continues to do things that make you uncomfortable then she just isn't right for you. good luck.

  • I think they were trying to offer you a threesome and you missed the cue. I would have taken it as an invitation to sex with both of them (or at least an opportunity to watch). I don't think your girlfriend was being malicious so you might want to be kind about it.

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    • Well you see.. Idk. they were very much trying to hide it. I realllllyyy don't believe it was anything close to that. Plus, my girlfriend is a virgin. Her friend is not. But I still would not do anything with my girlfriend at this time. I want our relationship to stay away from the sexual side at the moment. I am more interested in her, not inside her pants.

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    • Hmmm... Idk.. but you see.. I knew her and her friend have ""experimented"" stuff... but I just didn't know it was like... an on going thing.. I am just upset because to me it feels like it was unfaithful, not that its the same as her sleeping with some guy, its just... I feel that anything of the sort and any physicality should take place between just me and her... idk.. I don't know how to bring this up or what to say. but it bugs the hell out of me

    • Fair enough. I just think that it might have been more innocent than infidelity. You do need to talk to her about sex and sexuality, especially about what you want in a relationship. Don't assume that you both want the same things.

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