Boyfriend making less and less time for me

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, he is 27 and I am 25. We plan to move in together within the next few months once I start work at my new job (I have just qualified as a nurse). Although we've been generally happy he's always seemed quite reluctant to make more committed plans, so I took this as a sign that perhaps he was in a different place in his life and we were moving forward. However, recently I seem to be seeing less and less of him! He works long shifts and has been taking on a lot of overtime - he certainly does not need the money. He's always played football on a Saturday morning, but now he stays out drinking until evening. He also goes to practice on a weekday night and has begun playing in a work's 5-a-side another night. He does spend time with me in between, but since he's so tired he just falls asleep. Sometimes he will come over to sleep at mine after a night shift (I'm usually a bit of a night owl so can sleep in with him to some extent), but this gets counted as a date.. so if I say anything about not seeing him much, it'll be like "well I was over Tuesday this week!", even if it was just sleeping. Not much of a date. In contrast when his shifts clash with football he makes every effort to swap the days and ensure he won't be tired. In general we have sex much less (I feel like I'd like more but he's always asleep), he went through a phase of being quite critical before this began and told me he was less attracted to me due to weight gain (I am still a healthy BMI). I seem to do all of the talking while he browses the internet on his phone. I always feel like I'm keeping him from something. On Valentine's last month he didn't have time to do anything as we previously would have gone for a meal or something, but promised he'd take me for a weekend break in the next few weeks or whatever to make up for it. I heard nothing more about it, but thinking it would present at least a good opportunity to spend some quality time, I said this morning how about we book that break? We like to go to gigs and comedy shows etc, so we had a look through a bunch of upcoming shows, and there was nothing he could make due to football, overtime and other things booked in. As he was going out to work he said, how about you look and send me a bunch of details and I'll see if I can make any of them. I said perhaps it's better if you look, since you know when you're free. He shouted WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND I HAVE THINGS TO DO? ..just stormed out and I haven't heard from him since. Is this situation doomed? He plans to come over tomorrow to sleep between his night shift and football, but I'm thinking about telling him I need some space until he's got some real time for me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your right, tell him that you need more of his attention and that if his football and shifts continue to take priority, then where exactly is the relationship going, let him know that you have things to do but would always make time for him, so unless he starts making an effort, then lets both do the thngs we need to do and see where it gets us, because if you put in as much effort as he does, you probably wouldn't see him, so make this relationship a mutual effort foundation where you both make efforts to make the relationship work. If he is so wrapped up in what he needs to do with the things he has to do, then tell him that's fine, but don't bank on you not having things to do when he feels the need to see you, you need to make this relationship fair, otherwise it won't last long, and your be making all the effort in the end,x

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What Guys Said 5

  • Unfortunately, this type of behavior is not uncommon. Many guys do not know why women gain weight or how difficult it is for them to lose weight as opposed to guys. After their woman have gained weight for and extensive period, some guys will lose attraction and display their unhappiness by distancing themselves from their woman. Since they think it should be a quick fix and can't relate, they feel she does not care to please him by retaining the extra weight. Men think differently than women.

    In your case, you need to tell him how you feel and discuss all of the issues he has with you and vice versa, and how the relationship will continue moving forth(how he'll treat you better or there will nothing at all). Right now, he feels that he doesn't have to put much effort in to keep you, so remind him that he does.

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  • Think about it contextually. Have you smothered him in the past? Does his work exhaust him? Are you a jealous type? Is he going through anything upsetting in his life? Unless there is significant weight gain, it is rarely the only factor in such behavior. Considering what is going on in his life at the moment, it is highly possible that your expectations of him are unrealistic at this time. That said, you know the decision you have to make.

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  • Just find a nice guy - this one completely takes you for granted and it is very obvious for me he sees 0 priority in investing in any kind of future where you are together.

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  • bet he has time for sex , time for a talk or walk

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    • Hmm, unfortunately all of these things are getting less. We always had a good sex life until the last six months or so things have really tapered off and I'm always initiating - often he's just too tired.

    • get your self a new guy so

  • You're obviously not ready to move in together. Start rethinking.

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    • Hi, thanks for your response. Would you mind explaining why you think so?

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