What are the rules with online dating-how fast to reply?

does it look desperate or bad to reply too fast? do some people intentionally wait?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Here's the deal. Online dating, real life dating, whatever. You're dating this person because you're interested in each other, and if all goes exceedingly well, you'll end up married. If the other person is genuinely interested in you, they're not going to be thinking. "She's replying fast, she must be so desperate." They're going to generally be happy to talk to you, no matter how slow or fast you're replying. Reply as you can, whenever you'd like, it really shouldn't matter.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Reply when you get the message. If you're seen as "Online now" people will basically assume you're waiting anyway or even chatting with someone else. Get to meeting up ASAP when you are messaging. I can't tell you how many times I have "gotten to know someone better" and all that junk just to meet up and realize they were either lieing in their profile or not intending on meeting up. It is such a nuisance and it's gotten to the point where I just leave my profile up and never bother initiating first contact these days.

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    • Honestly, I have found most people to be rather truthful in their profiles...

      Then again I tend to look for women who write elaborate profiles with lots of overlap in common interests. I also avoid messaging new profiles until they have something interesting to say and answer enough questions for me to see if we have similar view points.

      I make it a rule to never do web chat until a conventional mailing exchange occurs...

      Hmm...I have no idea how other guys' profiles look.

  • As a guy who has recently started online dating I will say this much: I have messaged about 17 girls -only three of them have ever replied, and of those three one girl hasn't messaged me since my reply, another girl is only a cross-country friend (we'll probably never meet after all), and the last girl is the one I'm thinking of doing a fifth date with.

    I have never gotten an intro message from a girl so I'm assuming either I'm not handsome enough or women receive a ridiculous number of messages per week. Maybe the handsome guys get all of the girl intro messages and the guys who are just somewhat good get none?

    Anyway, let's pretend you are a guy who sends out 20 messages or so over the course of two weeks and only gets like 3-4 responses -in addition you have never gotten an intro message from a girl. Do you think it appears too desperate for a girl to reply too quickly?

    BTW, I know two people who have married from online dating and I just found out my sister met her boyfriend via online dating. Anyone who says it's for losers and has never done it has a much higher chance of getting their hearts broken via entering a relationship with someone who has nothing in common with them. Online dating consists of two types of people: people who want to have LOTS of sex, and people looking for meaningful relationships. This is true for BOTH genders.

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  • Online dating LOL

    In all seriousness though, I don't think there are rules.

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  • honestly, you don't have to artificially wait. as long as its not like you are on there every hour, you are fine. I'd say check and respond to messages once a day maybe.

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  • Stay away from online dating.. You never know who you could be talking to, and you are probably going to end up catfished.. Or worse get a stalker!

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think you should message guys at the pace you are most comfortable with. If you are reading a guys profile and like what you see, why not message him right away? Same goes for if a guy messages you and you check out his profile and you like what you are reading, why not message him back right away, if you want to of course!

    I'm the kind of girl who will show a guy whether I like him or not. Some guys find that off-putting or desperate, but that's their problem. For a while I was doing the flaky thing, not because I wanted to, but because I didn't want to come across as desperate for fear it would turn some guys away.

    But I found it caused more problems than helped. So I am back to being myself again. I find it's working a lot better for me. I have more guys interested in me that are actually interested and compatible. Which is far better in my opinion.

    I am also working on myself. I am hitting the gym on a regular basis and checking in with friends. This keeps me busy and prevents me from looking desperate because it shows that I have a life outside of the dating profile :P That's what guys like to see, they also want to know their girl has a social life that does not revolve around them!

    It's alright to show a guy you care and to want to spend a lot of time with him. But don't be afraid to have your own life too.

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  • Don't wait. If someone waits, the person is not interested or sees you as a Plan B.

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  • Waiting intentionally online is stupid. Just quickly cut to the chase

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  • I think it's silly to intentionally wait. Just respond whenever you can/want. There are no rules.

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