Guy code needs deciphering! Where to now?

Help! :)

Here's a quick rundown...

Met in November. Met up again in January (at a club), had first kiss and mutually agreed we would definitely get together for a date.

First date - pursued and initiated by him, took me out for dinner, spent hours talking and laughing, I didn't stay the night but it ended with a bit of kissing ;) He also spent the whole night commenting how 'great' everything was going. He messaged me the next day and then went quiet for a week.

Second date - contact initiated by me (casual message to say hi), date initiated by him, he wanted to cook dinner together but then he decided we would do that 'next time' (possible 3rd date?), introduced me to his brother (they live together), took me out for dinner, grabbed a bottle of wine afterward and then sat on his balcony again talking and laughing (conversation flows amazingly), asked me to stay over, I said yes, requested for us to have a sleep-in the following morning, took me out for brunch, I left his place at about 2pm. No sex, just cuddling and lots of kissing (girly problems preventing anything happening!)

Texted to thank him. Flirted for a bit. I ended the conversation (goodnight).

Texted him to say hi 4 days later at 11am, he continued the conversation back and forth till 10pm. I ended the conversation (goodnight).

He then texts me 5 days later, has a long random conversation (how are you, tells me what's new) so after about 45mins of this I decide to bite the bullet and send the following:

ME: yep :) p.s. are you ever going to come and visit me? Hehe I can show you how exciting is

HIM: Lol I will at some stage. I've got some things I need to put into motion here first. When that's all set then it can happen. night nite x

PLEASE EXPLAIN haha

Some background info:

1. First time he's ever ended the conversation

2. I didn't write back

3. That was a week ago now and no contact since

4. I expected either 'yes sure I will visit you, let's make plans' OR 'I'm busy (ie. NO)'. I feel this message means 'No'

5. We live about a 1.5 hour drive from each other - he lives in the city and I'm in a suburb (a distance covered by thousands of commuters daily), he doesn't own a car (his brother does though) and he said he's only ever been to my town 2-3 times when he was younger


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Have a look at your last message there. He may well have understood that as: "Not now, but possibly later. Back off me a bit I am uncomfortable with the speed."

    And keep in mind that although it doesn't seem like a big deal to travel from the small town to the big city, the other way around is psychologically much longer. It is just one of those things. So he may unconsciously feel that going all the way out to your place would be a "big adventure", while you may feel that going the same way is just a small bus ride away. These things complicate planning and what one immediately sees as possibilities.

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    • Whops. I mixed up the two last messages there. I thought you answered what he said. But that makes the second part of my above answer even more important.

    • I thought so when I read your answer. I see your point.

      Thank you very much!

What Guys Said 2

  • The only good reason a guy has for not escalating is disinterest or a temporary "no sex" rule...

    He's taking along time to text back, which means he's trying to keep distance BUT he IS texting which likely means he's interested just enough to keep in contact.

    My first thought was that he was dating another girl and wants to wrap up that relationship before getting into bed with someone new. Or until he's sure the new girl is better than the old girl.

    Or perhaps he has some STD issue that he's waiting to "clear up."

    Or his life is complicated and he's trying to simplify.

    Your options are pretty clear.

    Wait and be patient... or move on. In both scenarios you should definitely go out and meet other guys who are more "available" in my opinion...

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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  • Your message clearly shown you wanted him to f*** you. Maybe he got intimidated a little bit.

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    • Wow that's not the case at all ha ha really?

      I think a bit of text accidentally got cut out from the above when I said "I can show you how exciting my TOWN is" ie. I've laughed with him about how boring it is cause I've grown up there

      Thanks for your answer! :)

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