Guys, advice. I'm sleeping with my ex again... and now he's starting to act different.

Things have been super fun and casual for months, up until this past week. Yes, he's my ex, and we ended it for a reason (he's emotionally broken), but we were also together for a reason. Butt loads of chemistry. So a few months ago we happened to be at the same place with friends and realized how much we miss hanging out. Hanging out quickly turned into sex (because of all of that damn chemistry.) I'm fine with all of it, I'm having fun, experimenting with a man I trust physically, but things have started to change recently. A week ago his buddy confessed to me that all of his friends love me and think he was the biggest idiot for letting me get away. Then the next time the two of us hung out, he turned what is usually a late night rendezvous into an afternoon tryst. But.. after we hooked up, he turned our meetup into what seemed like a 'date'. Dinner (which he insisted on paying for), laughing, him scooting close to me on the couch trying to get me to cuddle, laying his head in my lap. It was weird. Very unlike anything we've done in the past 6 months of just sleeping together. I wrote it off as a fluke. But now... we had another of our weekly hookups, at our normal time, and I roll over to settle into sleep, when he starts cuddling me! Even falls asleep cuddling his face into my shoulder with his arm draped across me. Then in the middle of the night he scoots over to me and starts spooning me, again with his arm draped over me.

Why would a guy change his behavior like this all of the sudden?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi there,

    Well your best bet is to go through this situation step by step. Before I go on please understand that you shouldn't feel bad for being confused by this situation. Matters of the heart can always seem confusing when you're in them, which is made all the more frustrating when others that you confide in say things which basically mean, "How can you not see this?"

    From looking at the observations that you have placed here, it seems that the guy you're meeting up with still has some emotional ties to you. In fact I would go as far as to say that those emotional ties are pretty strong.

    But I think what should be addressed here is not of the actions that the guy is displaying and the reasons behind those, but more what are your feelings on the situation. As yes it is apparent that you were content with the physical nature of the relationship that was\is going on. But as the guy in this is showing signs of harbouring more, lets use the word 'complicated' feelings towards you that now places you in an entirely different situation.

    Should you continue to have the physical element of the relationship, it is highly probable that the emotional ties that the guy in this situation is displaying, will become increasingly prominent. As the feelings that the current relationship that you guys have (being physical only) will continue to feed his emotions and thus his desire for you not just physically but emotionally will continue to increase. What was once just a weekly, casual rendezvous will quickly transpire into a want for a relationship on his part.

    This is where things can get complicated, more so if you are not willing to enter into one with him.

    If on the other hand you not adverse to that idea well things could work out for you both.

    But fact of the matter remains, you have a fair amount of thinking to do in relation to this situation as by all appearances, it is you in this situation who is feeling the necessity to reflect on the recent change of behavior to determine exactly what is going on. Again by all appearances, the guy that you're 'involved' with has lost sight of what the 'arrangement' was supposed to be and as a consequence is allowing his emotions dictate his actions.

    It may be in your interests to reflect on this to gain some perspective, possibly even putting off the rendezvous for a week or two, then meeting up with him to discuss what is going on and put forward anything that you wish to say.

    Wishing you all the best

    Mick

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    • Mick, Thank you for such a thoughtful response.

      I guess my whole question revolved around how and what makes a guy become attached; what happened in the past couple weeks that changed it for him. For women, it can be solely based on sex (since we get all chemically in our brains), but my gut reaction was that the change in his demeanor was due to emotions he was feeling towards me. I'm going to take it one step at a time and let him lead this. I guess we'll see what happens.

What Guys Said 1

  • It seems that he's getting attached to you, because he really missed being with you.

    It must be that he regret breaking up with you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe he is getting attached to you again? Why did you guys break up in the first place?

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  • why does this surprise you so much? You are having regular and frequent sex with with a man(and not just any man, your ex!) of course he is going to grow attached, you may have told yourself you aren't but he is obviously not feeling the same.

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