Should I send her a message or have her send me a message?

I'm trying to get to know this girl better, and I recently got her messenger username. We started chatting a little, and sometimes she'll start the conversations and sometimes I will.

I want to talk to her more, but I don't want to seem pushy or anything. So do you think I should just send her messages when I see her on, or when I see her in person ask her to message me?

I've been sending her messages whenever I see her online, but today when I saw her I told her to message me sometime.

Updates:
I asked her to send me a chat tomorrow. Does that sound too pushy, or does that seem good?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd send her a message of two up front, and then wait for her to respond in kind. It's always hard to know when to back-off, so it takes a little creativity sometimes. All the best!

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What Girls Said 6

  • now... The question about how to get her to send you messages. ? pretty tuff to say ...because it depends on her. if she is interested to send you. OR if she has something in mind. she will send you.

    first off. tell me. are you both just at the intial level of freindship . I mean is ot fresh new. OR you have known each other for a long time.

    because If its NEW. then just take it slow. if you remember. usually freindship develops slowly. soo do continue to chat with her. and talk something nice like. ask her hobbies and stuff. like read the below: see if it works for you. BUT BE SINCERE ... NO PLAYING GAMES.

    i am helping you... if you really want this girl.. not because to make her fall for you and then leave her . ok. shirkdeio.

    first off... before you start liking her. Get to know her more. otherwise once if she develops feelings for you and all of a sudden . you change your mind and say ... she isn't my type. you are surely going to make her feel sad .ok. read the below. see if it works :

    #1:Women are emotional. Men are logical. To be successful with women, you need to communicate with them on their level, which is emotional. Women must feel attracted to you.#2>You must stimulate a woman’s feelings of excitement and anticipation when you talk to her to draw her to you.> Create some kind of feeling in your text messages.

    #3> Set the right tone in your messages. They should be short, fun, flirty, funny, charming or sexy.#4> The purpose of text messaging is to flirt, create a little connection and get a woman thinking about you. The more she thinks about you, the more she will want to be with you.

    hope this helps... tell me if you like it... and make sure to apply it :)

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    • Okay thanks. We've known each other for nearly five years, and are fairly good friends. Thanks for the advice and tips, I will try to put them into practice.

      Do you think I should always be initiating conversations, or should I leave a chance for her to initiate them sometimes?

  • NOOOT at all... just relax and be cool :):)... why are you sooo much tensed about it. I know it does sound you really like her... its ok..

    I don't understand. if you guys know each other for about five years. then why are you facing so much problem in intiating to her. Why are you asking these questions. I guess... such kind of questions. are asked by beginners... I mean when a guy and girl hardly know eachother. you say . that you both know each other for five years. then why don't you confront it to her. That you do have feelings for her. just do it :)

    what is hindering you from that ? If you know each other for five years. by this time you should have got her. AND yes.. you ,should I leave a chance for her to initiate them sometimes.

    Answer me on this shirkdeio...

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    • We've known each other for five years, but that doesn't mean we're super close. We're friends, but more because my family is friends with her family than because she and I have a personal, one-on-one friendship. That's what I want to change, I want to have a relationship with her personally instead of with her because of her family.

      I don't want to tell her because I don't want to put too much pressure on her. She's only 14 now, so in addition to my own carefulness I'm also being extra

    • Careful because of her age.

  • i don't understand. if you guys know each other for about five years. then why are you facing so much problem in intiating to her. Why are you asking these questions. I guess... such kind of questions. are asked by beginners... I mean when a guy and girl hardly know eachother. you say . that you both know each other for five years. then why don't you confront it to her. That you do have feelings for her. just do it :)

    what is hindering you from that ? If you know each other for five years. by this time you should have got her. AND yes.. you ,should I leave a chance for her to initiate them sometimes.

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  • i would suggest if you are truly wanting to know her more , shirkdeio. Its always good to do it face to face communication. then you earn her trust and confidence in you. You want to send her. do it. but slow. You're actually trying to know the girl better ... then do it by talking to her. At first move slow.. I know you are feeling a bit impatient. I agree all of us behave in this way . especially when we like someone a loads :). Anyways ... next time when you message her, ask her if you could meet up after school or anyother time.

    You want to know a person. be with the person. I believe face to face . develops more Confidence , trust and you might achieve your goal in getting her. In the meantime... you will know for sure . if she too is interested in you. BUT I bet you can't trust on messengers. sometimes it gives trouble and lots of difficulties. Be with her. talk to her. Make her feel she is special . :) BUT don't overdo it.

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    • Thanks, and I agree that face-to-face communication and conversation is important (more important than other communication, even), but that doesn't mean I shouldn't chat with her over messenger.

  • okay... I think then just wait till she gets 17 or 18 yrs. that will be the best time to express yourself to her. she will eventually be mature to understand you. best of luck .

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    • Yes, exactly. Now do you understand why I'm not talking about confessing my love to her and I'm asking about how to get to know her better, and in this case over chat?

  • I never said ... don't chat with her. hahaha :) you got me wrong . Do it. but I did read your details careful. and you said .. you would want to know her better. :)

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    • Yeah... but do you have an answer to my question? How can I get her to send me a message? Or should I just always send her messages (i.e. to start conversations)?

What Guys Said 3

  • Sounds like a perfect choice to me.

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  • heres a neat trick: go on invisible, when you sign in the next time she signs in, after a couple minutes go by take yourself off of invisible. if she wants to send you a message because she sees you on she will which shows she's as interested as you are...if she signs off with no acknowledgment of u, then ur out of luck buddy, ur doing all the work

    only a suggestion, though, take it for what its worth

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  • may seem a bit pushy, just do what I suggested, girls don't like to feel pressured into doing something, ya know?

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    • Yeah, what you said was a great idea. I tried it, but it didn't work. We're using Yahoo messenger (because that's all she has right now) and it isn't very reliable to say when someone's on. Also it shows that someone is on hours after they left..

      So good idea, but it doesn't really work in this case. I will definitely try it as soon as I can, though!

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    • I know, I have MSN, AIM, and Yahoo, and Yahoo is the worst. However, it's all this girl has (it came with her email address, and is built into yahoo mail so it's convenient). I might try to get her to make an AIM account or MSN.

    • Haha, yeah, you should do that, good luck

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