How do you get a guy to admit his feelings?

Long story short I'm 24 met 33 yo online three months ago we were just casual dating, but he treated me w kindness respect, paid our dates, cooked me dinner, and very affectionate. I got scared and ran away since he needs sex in a relationship. I'm a virgin and want to be in love first. I liked him and was afraid he didn't feel the same. He didn't tell me if he liked me! But he didn't want me to leave him alone, so I suggested we be friends.

We still talked and tezted, but anytime he suggested we meet and I set a date he'd cancel that he's busy. I finally told him I wanted him back, but he had to "think about it" so I got upset and he said we should just be friends. I've now treTed him more as a friend and he's giving me more attemtion. He gave me a ride somewhere and we met for lunch this weekend. He hates the place we went to, but said he did it for me. We paid separate, but when we got dessert he told me hell get the check. I was so quiet and shy and he mentioned it and kept smilimg at me ,at the end, he gave me a long, tight hug goodbye w an intense stare. Why won't he tell me how he feels!?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Do you want to marry this guy?

    You don't know?!

    Fine - do you think he does?!

    You are over complicating things - I don't believe many couples decide "to be in love". It happens. It sneaks up on you - it builds.

    This guy appears to be interested, appears caring and appears patient.

    Not everyone can share their feelings in words - some share them in actions. Have you ever met someone who was not what they said they were? I mean - think - have you ever met a fraud, be it at school or work, some prankster or idiot who pretends to be something he or she is not?

    Saying something you want to hear is important, but not near as important as the actions. Tell him you like him but you are in unchartered waters with him. Tell him its strange - not scary - just foreign to you. Tell him you'd like to see him more often and you wonder if he feels the same. Don't talk about love... marriage and stuff...

    In many cases today, people meet, date and one day they decide that their relationship is exclusive. They rarely announce it to each other but take it for granted. You are likely at that stage, or at least were at that stage except you wanted him to announce it. Love, like life, does not have an instruction manual - its not something you get from Ikea that has a handful of steps, crudely drawn with the recommendation that two are required to assemble successfuly. Nope. You two got to write your own book.

    Have fun - relax - walk - don't run!


What Guys Said 10

  • The easiest method to get a guy to admit his feelings about you...


    ... to admit YOUR feelings about HIM!

    It's not a complicated concept. Have you tried it?

    • I did. A month after we dated I was scared he only wanted sex since I was geyting feelings. I told him I was having feelings and liked him and he didn't feel the same. He just said OK. But still wanted me around

  • you already told him "I want you back" and he already told you "we should just be friends" as in "at least at the moment I have no interest in something more with you", of course, you didn't end up fighting, you didn't end up hating each other, chances are you are as cute inside and out as the first time he saw you, so yes, very likely he still finds you appealing, but either he is into someone else now, or decided that, as appealing as you are, he didn't not want to pursue you, either because he is not that much into you, or because you would be very hard to interact with romantically, like, it will cost him much effort to go from one step to the other.

    not to be mean but, he told you how he felt just as much as you let him know, amd lots of girl, I dare say MOST girls, would be like "he is clueless in this flirting stage, as cute as he is, he won't do it for me", that's what I mean, perhaps he tried to be smooth about the dating thing, I am too, I am not too explicit, I like things to FLOW naturally, and they do, WITH THE RIGHT GIRL.

    also, REALLY, not to be mean, but, have you friend zoned a guy? I would bet you do, and if you think you don't look back twice, there sure is one guy, a lot of girls here ask "how do I make him understand we are just friends?", they have the right to be angry, they say "friends" and the guy is still there, puppy eyes and everything, ready for any chance he has to be like "oh ! will take you to that concert :" or "yes, you can count on me", sitting there believing "she said friends but there is something more, I just see it", and the tiniest smile or look for them is like a neon sign reading "YES MY PRINCE, YOU ARE RIGHT, DEEP DOWN I LOVE YOU". While it may eventually work (being around waiting to sieze the moment) it will do you no good, even if he likes you, he is not available for you NOW, probably will never be again, at the moment he said FRIENS, and friendship is what he wants from you, and even if there is a door open you have to asume there is NOT, because otherwise you will be like those guys hopelessly waiting and borderline delutional, IF something happens later GOOD :D but don't go out with him just in the hopes for that moment, go with him for the friendship as AGREED, and if it evolves FINE.

    you can always ask, the last girl I dated before meeting my beloved GF, we flirted, dated, had a good time, but she was always busy and she is distant and cold, seemed to me she wanted me to beg, I wouldnt, she is a nice girl, still a friend but I decdided not pursue her anymore, when that got cold, she requested a TALK, and up front (for the 1st time) asked "we had something going on right?" -Yes :)- "why stopped?" -we were not meant to be, I prefered you as a friend-

    made me happy, for once actually be upfront, no more guessing and "plays" I told her she was attractive and nice to be around, but we did not make "click", chances are your guy feels the same.

  • Older guys can truly want to be with a younger man. When my dad remarried he married a woman much younger than himself, and they are still very happy together.

    This guys sounds like he is most likely just looking for sex, and isn't interested in anything else.

  • He probably just doesn't know you all that well... Maybe try going on a fun date? He seems like he's trying to get to know you better!

  • Uhm. You are doing that thing that women do.
    He treats you great, you question his motives.
    He wants to be with you, you end things.
    He wants to be friends, you want more.
    Now you think he doesn't want to be with you because of your age.

    Quit playing games and just go have a relation if that is what you want. Guys are pretty straightforward: if we tell you we like you, we like you. You are the one that told him you wanted to end things, not the other way around. The ball is in your court. He wants to be with you but respects the fact that YOU WANTED TO BE FRIENDS.

    Why do women have to complicate the easiest things?!

  • He already did. He feels horny.

  • Hmm you sure he's not a player? And when you told him that you wanted him back he was with someone else? and then now that she's gone he's back to you? Just a thought...

  • "He didn't tell me if he liked me"

    So...the dating, the kindness, the respect, the paying for the dates, the affection and cooking you dinner... all of that was, what? Something he does for people he hates?

    Just because you're a virgin, that's no excuse for blatant stupidity.

  • It seems like he wants to get to know you better, and wants to take things slowly.

    It really depends upon a guy when he'll admit his feelings. Others take a day, others a week, and others a month.


What Girls Said 1

  • Did he know you were a virgin? It sounds to me like he felt a lot of pressure when you told him you were getting feelings for him. Guys take time to develop feelings, he was probably still getting to know you. Maybe he was dating many people at the same time (since he was registered on a dating site), and you maybe weren't moving forward fast enough physically for his liking. I admire you for being so strong about your morals!

    • Yes I told him and je said it wasn't a problem, but we did have heavy make oit sessions, so he prob thought I would eventually. I finally said not wout a committment and he took time to come around. I don't think he's been with a girl that wanted to wait, yet he likes me enought to want to still talk to me and hang out. It seems he developing more feelings now that we've cooled off a bit as there is no pressure?

    • If he is getting better then time should help - or he feels bad and is sticking around so it doesn't look like he only wanted sex. Commitment is a huge word for guys - and with you being a virgin, it puts him in an even more difficult situation!