Do hearts not heal sometimes or what's wrong with me?

Life Story Alert:

When I was 17, I got my heart really broken for the very first time (cheated on after a year and a half of dating). I know it sounds "too young" to a lot of you, but it was really real. Ever since then, I couldn't cope with just being single because there was too much to miss. I was always talking to someone or dating around. I dated another guy just a year later, and the same thing happened.

Is it possible for a heart to just not heal after that? I act like I don't care if I'm involved with a guy or not at any given time, but the reality is quite the opposite. I can't stand being alone ever. I didn't realize it was bad until my guy ended things with me today so he could "find himself" (yeah right). The part that scares me is that right after that, I had my phone out with the mentality of just "on to the next one". I just think it's easier than sitting there and grieving.

Does anyone have this problem? Am I normal? Is it possible that hearts just don't heal sometimes?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 'I can't stand being alone ever' sure that isn't just it? Do you miss the relationship or the guy/guys you were with? It's okay to miss what comes with being in a relationship, and possible to mistake those feelings for actually missing the person. (Tell me if I'm wrong) Hearts heal with out a doubt. If you really want to get over someone properly, stop thinking about them. Stop associating yourself with anything that makes you think about them, stop listening to music that reminds you of them, or stalking them on Facebook (block their updates). Don't read through texts, or look at old pictures. Stop thinking about what you had, and think about what you have. Learn to love being single so when you get into a relationship again it won't be because you just want to be in a relationship. It'll be because you genuinely like the guy. Again tell me if I'm wrong, this is just a different perspective

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    • I don't know really. I never took much time to think about what I miss because I kind of just block it out. Thanks, though. That's really great advice :)

    • No pro, thanks for BA :P

What Guys Said 6

  • I think you would do better in love and in life if you took more time being single and getting comfortable being single. You said it yourself that you are always looking for someone, or dating around. It is possible you still hold some feelings of loss from your first relationship, but you need to accept that and let it go. Take some time for yourself and heal, and learn more about you.

    Also If you have your phone out right after you and this guy break up he probably wasn't all that special to you. If you take more time to find someone you really like that you can fully give yourself to it will be more meaningful.

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  • Everyone deals with heart break in different ways. Its not a problem unless you feel its a problem. Personally I don't think the issue is healing a heart. Its more that the trauma creates post traumatic stress and if it keeps happening you start to feel numb to the core issue and feel an anxiety that leads you to find the next man with haste. Being in a relationship can be fantastic but if you are dependant on that relationship for validation and feeling whole you may start to seem clingy and begin to lose a single identity and confidence being single. What do you think?

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    • I like what you said about the anxiety and everything, it makes sense sort of. I'm definitely not clingy, I put on a very different facade on the outside than what I'm feeling on the inside. I just can't really go without at least dating around without feeling sad again. I'm one of those people where when my heart breaks, it breaks bad. I still have dreams that replay the moment my ex said he cheated...it's that kind of bad.

    • I have a similar nightmare that pops up now and again. Love is fickle and can hurt. You seem pretty healthy if you just want to feel loved. You should be proud of yourself for having the resolve to be willing to go out dating right away. If that's how you cope and it works for you. That is normal for you. I hope you feel better and find a good guy.

  • Yes that happens, it happened ot me as well. I have gotten my ass heart broken and humilliated so many times that actually the opposite to you happens to me. I start running away from relationships, or I do something stupid to hijack myself from the girls I like.

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  • You're just normal.

    It takes time for hearts to heal.

    It's just that you're always meeting the wrong guys.

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  • Your reaction sounds normal to me. The pain will heal with a little more time. Just try to avoid becoming "jaded," where you end up punishing each guy for the sins of a previous guy.

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  • Nah, you're fine. If I could make one suggestion, it'd be that you should be clear in your head what "on to the next one" means. If you're going straight from one realtionship, into another RELATIONSHIP--that's probably not a good plan, since you need some time and some distance to be ready for a relationship. BUT, if you're going straight from a relationship into DATING--where you aren't committing to anything more than just having some fun with a new guy or two--THAT can work wonders.

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    • "On to the next one" definitely meant dating. I'm always dating but it takes a lot before I actually commit to a relationship.

    • Oh, then you're totally fine.

What Girls Said 0

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