Boyfriend and I have been together 9 months; He is currently unemployed while I have 40-50 hours of work each week. He's good to me. Lately I feel that there are some issues that have come up that I should talk to him about, but want to do so in a constructive way and so am seeking advice to make sure I do this the best way possible.
1. One issue I have with him is that he is ALWAYS late. I think there have been just 2-3 times throughout the last 9 months that he has been on time to see me. I don't mind him being 5 or 10 minutes late, but it seems to be getting longer. On Saturday he was 45 minutes late to come over. I wouldn't mind if it was work related or traffic or something, but he's unemployed and usually the excuse is something stupid such as something really interesting came on TV, or like last week, his tape measure broke when he was cleaning it so he was looking at it/trying to fix it. I could be understanding if he'd text or call if he'd be late, but he doesn't. Choosing to fix your tape measure rather than see your girlfriend on a Saturday night and being 45 minutes late doesn't really make me feel like a priority or that he is excited to see me. However, if it is for something important to him (work, group meeting, etc. he IS on time), so I don't understand why not for me?
2. My boyfriend never calls me because he doesn't like phones. I'm okay with that, he can text me. However, he'll often go 2-3 days in between texting me. I'd be okay with that too, however, a lot of times when he is leaving on Sunday nights he'll say he will text me on Monday and then NEVER does. It's usually Wed or Thurs before I get a text. He said he was going to call his mom (I'd asked him too about something) on Saturday, didn't, said he would on Sunday and didn't still! He also said he'd call the auto repair place to make an appointment for his car (I'd then pick him up so he doesn't have to wait there all day), but he hasn't done that in 4-5 days either. It's not the lack of contact I mind so much as the lack of follow through of what he says. He also never really texts me to just hang out during the week (again, he's unemployed).
3. He doesn't want to be intimate too often. He always turns me down if I try to initiate (I don't want to fall asleep after, we'll do it later, etc.). A lot of times we go 2-3 weeks in between which seems like a very long time to me. I realize his meds don't help, but 2-3 weeks in between seems like a long time still. It didn't used to be so long, but has gotten longer and I don't know why.
I'd be understanding if he was stressed and actively seeking work, but he isn't. He is working on projects of his which is fine, but 4 months out, it seems like he should be looking around by now. Whenever I ask how things are coming or how much unemployment he has left, he gets defensive and snippy although I have never given him a hard time about it.
I've taken it for awhile and am frustrated. Any tips for talking with him?
Most Helpful Girl
Hey there honey. :)
First, you could start by saying
"Hey, ___, I care about you A LOT. You need to let me in, you need to open up with me, ____. It hurts me seeing you like this. You know what, from day one I chose to be with you than any guy in this world. Now it seems to me that there is something bothering you that you are not telling me. If there's none, well okay--I get it, I get you don't like phones, or get intimate with me that often, but don't I deserve to know why? I am concerned for you more than you know it. Let me in, ____. I won't promise you anything, but I promise that I'll be understanding...and you could help me understand you MORE by opening up with me."
then your constructive way of relaying your points 1-3 follows. :)0