What should I do during our first date after breaking up?

So my ex girlfriend agreed to go out with me Saturday after much coercion. So I am taking her to the Zoo. She loves going there, so it will help with the pressure. We dated for 3 1/2 years and she left me over 2 weeks ago. It's been really hard, I tired to do no contact, but I couldn't I would end up texting her, or going to see her or whatever. I couldn't do it. My question is, what should I do for this date? I asked her to only commit to this Saturday, and commit to having fun. Should I bring her something when I pick her up? Should I try a little physical contact? maybe rub her back, or bump into her hand a few times? I'm so nervous I'll rush things that I'll push her away. She left me because I was clingy ( As you can tell), and I tried to keep her to myself. I also have a short temper, and I know I have to walk on egg shells for the date. I'm going to try and do everything we did when we first started dating. On the car ride there should I have songs playing about getting back together? Like really low on my CD player, just so if we stop talking, she can hear it. Any advice on what to do would be really helpful. Thanks everyone


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know you are struggling to win her heart back but if you were together for 3 and 1/2 years then she might still love you and the only thing you have to do is be yourself. Be the person she fell in love with. Be the nice honest person she met :) I know it's hard to not be clingy needy and all of those bad things but if you want to save your relationship be kind and be yourself. Tell her you're changing your bad ways and bringing out the good ways. Tell her you love her and that you want to be wih her. She'll be with you if she loves you and she also has to understand that no one is perfect. Everyone has their flaws!

    Lie a little on your date and enjoy it! don't cancel it because all that hard work of you texting and calling her would go down the drain. she is giving you a chance to show her the real you. But if she still doesn't want to be with you after showing her that you're changing for her then you should move on because no one should beg to be loved. You will be loved only if you love yourself. Good luck! Keep us updated :)

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What Girls Said 6

  • It sounds like you're going to be trying to hard to not be what you are...clingy and short tempered. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells on a date or in a relationship, and no one changes in two weeks...no one.

    She's going to be looking for the worst in you so that she can justify why she's not with you. Don't bring her anything, don't play muskrat love in the background and don't try physical contact. If she wants to be physical, she'll let you know.

    I think you should relax and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. That's what she's looking for. She wants to have fun and not have to worry about how you're going to react, or if you're going to get mad about something.

    I think it's a good idea, though, that after the date, you work on yourself. Needy, clingy, short tempered = turn off and run the other way. You can't act like you changed if you haven't changed. It may not happen on this date but if you two get back together and you don't do any work, it's going to happen again. It's just the way it is.

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  • Reading this and the way you're over thinking things, you are clingy and over think things, which is what her criticism was. You're gonna still have the same problems with her even if that one date goes well enough. You haven't changed from being clingy, so why would you risk hurting yourself more if you guys are just gonna break up again? Because that's what will happen. I can only imagine how hard it is to move on after 3 1/2 years. But it's something you have to do for yourself. Focus on you and making yourself better.

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  • I'm gonna say you should go out with someone- possibly ANYONE- else instead. Because damn, dude, if you had to weasel and whine your way into seeing her, it's probably not going to go well. At all. Like the beautiful reunion scene where you both realize that Your Love Is An Awesome Love For The Ages that you have in your head isn't going to happen. Best case scenario, y'all feed some giraffes and she moves on. But, hey- if you're into giraffes, I guess it's still a win.

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  • if you had to coerce her into going, then don't go. don't make time for people who don't want to be with you of your own volition. you're going to start thinking its normal to beg for crumbs and its OK to not take no seriously. not good for many reasons. its delusional first of all. and it can be dangerous because you're not respecting boundaries.

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  • I wouldn't bring her anything as that could be perceived as getting ahead of your self.

    Pay for her ticket, open doors etc.

    Try a little contact not too much, like maybe if she's frightened of snakes etc, go ''Boo'' to show your funnier, more casual side. Joke around alot.

    Dont have songs like that playing, try more upbeat tunes

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  • You had to coerce her into going out with you? Not. A. Good. Sign

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What Guys Said 4

  • Your problem is you made her your only purpose in life and it takes more time to change than two weeks to try to get her back. You need to step back and see what it really important in life than your ex. Don't make women your purpose in life because they will never respect or you will never get the respect as man that you want from that.

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  • WTF is wrong with you? You're p**** whipped as hell. Cancel this sh*t and forget about that bitch.

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  • I got something, try doing the opposite of everything you used to do. Play some white stripes or black keys, none of that relationship music, don't even touch her whatsoever, hell don't even look at her, compare her to one of the monkeys at the zoo, not too much too insult her only to make fun of her, but also say you missed her or say something nice and especially don't pay for her entry if she broke up with you. Don't talk about commitment, talk about the cool asss sh*t you did during the 2 weeks you were away from her, if you didn't then make something up lol. Don't be clingy. don't even pick her up, meet her there. BE INDEPENDENT not DEPENDENT (aka clinginess).

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  • I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need to cancel this date and focus on yourself instead of having a relationship. You've already listed the reasons you're not together anymore (e.g. clingy, short temper). Those aspects of your personality haven't gone away; she hasn't forgotten about them. When she left you, it was over; just because you were able to pressure her into going to the zoo with you, that doesn't mean she wants to be with you again. You need to let her go and start working on improving yourself. If you don't, you'll make the same mistakes all over again with the next girl.

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