How many guys out there that are single, because it's cheaper? Girls are welcome to answer.

I know it's a bad question to ask, but it's on my mind, and it's something that I've been asking myself this question too. Not to be negative, and I'm not trying to point out that I'm a cheap skate, or don't feel like paying for dinners, but it just feels like woman have it easy sometimes (not that us guys have our problems, and are easy). But sometimes I feel like I'd rather be single, and date less, because it's cheaper.

Normally what happens is, the first date I try to do some form of coffee date, and then when it comes to the second date I try to pay for that too, because of how I was raised, and the chivalry of the circumstances that it's nice to do. Again it comes back around, and I wonder if I choose to not go all the way with dating, because of how expensive it is sometimes to have a girlfriend, or even dating...

Again, and I'll point it out... I'm not a cheap skate, or selfish by any means, but it's something that I feel needs to be addressed. Times are tight, and people don't have as much money. Hell, I can't even afford to eat out myself, and then have to pay for two people. It just gets old... Plus sometimes you don't even get a chance to get into a relationship, and you've already paid for coffee (that's not that much, but still a point), and possibly a dinner, and a movie.

Now, I know there are free things, and tons of things to do, but I'm stateing the facts opon the first 1-5 dates (and that's if you get to date that much).

Anyway let me know what you think guys, and girls are of course welcome to chime in, and have the discussion as well...

If anything, I'd also like to know what the Girls point of view is. I feel at some point down the road, when you get into the "relationship", "Girlfriend, and "Boyfriend" status it comes to a 50%-50% way of living (not to say I'd put more that just the 50% into the relationship).

Thanks again for the answers to my question :)

Updates:
First update:

Thank you so much 4 all of your kind words, & your advice on the matter. I guess it all comes down 2 being used sometimes in which I feel. As why-makoto-kun pointed out “The guy treating 4 anything is seriously overrated in casual dating, & it causes so much resentment”. At the same time I agree with kholland65 in which he stated “The money becomes a non issue because I deem her a worthy expense, just like buying a fun gadget 4 myself. I enjoy paying for her”.
Second part Update:

At the end, I’m grateful 2 hear both sides of the story, & grateful 2 know that it’s not one sided as I thought (because of hearing the woman’s side of the spectrum), & that there R decent woman out there (like the 1’s on here that have answered the question).

Thanks so much, & maybe I’ll try a little harder, & not feel used, or resentment, but just have fun with it, & hope 4 the best that I can find that soul mate :)


1|0
13|13

Most Helpful Girl

  • Good question!

    As a girl, when just starting to date a guy, I think it's important to AT LEAST offer to chip in for the bill, especially if its pricey. Also, it seems a lot of guys feel the need to pay for the girl, and it reflects in your question as you try to justify yourself (i.e., "I'm not a cheap skate"..."times are tight").

    You shouldn't have to justify not wanting to blow money on dating. It's perfectly reasonable. I mean, hell, like you said: you spend money going on a few dates, it doesn't work out, and you feel like you just blew a hole in your wallet.

    There have actually been times that I've turned down a date because I knew I couldn't afford to pay my share. I'm always flattered when the guy pays, of course, but I certainly don't expect it.

    Now with my boyfriend, things naturally even out on their own. He'll pay for dinner one night, I'll pay the next, etc. It's 50-50.

    2|2
    0|0
    • Thanks for BA : )

What Girls Said 12

  • I think it's perfectly reasonable to not want to spend all your money on dates on girls whom you might not even end up liking. I'm kind of obsessed when it comes to these things. It just doesn't feel right when I owe someone money, even if it's just a dollar or two. I always make sure to pay back asap, either with money or by treating them to something. I haven't really gone out on actual dates yet, but I can imagine that I would always offer to split the bill, even on the first date.

    However, I don't think money should be that big of an issue when it comes to dating. I'd rather have fun and free/cheap dates than boring and expensive ones. I would understand perfectly why a guy I barely know would want to spend loads of money on me by treating me to fancy dinners, movies etc. I think that's something you should start doing when you know each other on a bit more serious level. I've never actually really understood the point in spending so much money on the first few dates. I'm not in it for the money and the free meal. Anyone who is, isn't actually worth your time at all. :)

    0|1
    0|0
    • I would understand perfectly why a guy I barely know WOULDN'T want to spend loads of money on me*

  • It's 2013. If the guy pays for dinner, many of us feel uncomfortable and expect you to expect us to put out afterward within a few dates. The guy treating for anything is seriously overrated in casual dating, and it causes so much resentment anyway, it's not worth it.

    1|1
    0|1
    • Dutch all the way.

    • Show All
    • I feel it comes back down to that point of the whole 50/50 idea. I hate it when people use one another, and don't expect to "put out", or do something in return " I going to expect you some how return the favor the 5 dates I've taken you on and paid for"... And that's exactly my point too... Life is a two way street, and not so self centered.

    • Thanks. That all makes sense. I just can't risk it around here.

  • My boyfriend and I go on countless dates and he spends tons of money I don't force him to he always pay. I am employed and he is a student yet he never allows me too. I think it is a two way street men are providers and women supporters. I say this to say that sometimes I tell my boyfriend lets just chill at his/my place instead of going out to spend money on food, entertainment and gas. Sometimes I order things that are less expensive just so that his bill isn't ran up. If his has trouble with school and his friends I listen and give advice. I will get him his fave beer, chocolate, cake or so when I am coming over without his knowing ( he loves that)I will kiss him in public, just to let him know I am not embarrassed to be seen with him. On his birthday I will do something nice for him or like our anniversary. Its a two way street if he pays to take you out nice places and showers you with gifts and treat you right, you do the same you don't have to offer to pay the bill but find other ways to let him know you appreciate his efforts and that you like being with him. At times if we go somewhere I wouldn't say thank you , but I will compliment on how good the food, service was and let him know he did a good job picking out the place and that I wouldn't have enjoyed it all that much if I wasn't in his company.

    I think that men shouldn't date unless they can afford it, a girl needs to feel special

    0|0
    0|3
  • I do like for a guy to pay for me on the first few dates (I usually select cheap ideas for dates anyways). Then as we get into the relationship, I'm perfectly fine splitting it 50/50. Sometimes I even pay for both of us.

    0|0
    0|2
  • Well, I usually split the bill unless they are really insistent on paying on the first date. I'll admit, it's a very nice gesture but I'd NEVER write a guy off if we split the bill. After the first couple of dates I'd rather split or alternate than have the guy pay for everything. Times are tough and it doesn't make sense to make the guy pay if you have a job and can afford to pay your share. Also, like you said there's lots of cheap dates like galleries, museums and cooking for each other so it can work.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I know a lot of guys who said they won't get a girlfriend until they get a job so they can do nice things for her. I think it's a sweet notion but it's also unnecessary. At least at my age.

    1|0
    0|0
  • My friend is single because of this. I guess it only makes sense, being in a relationship or dating can be very expensive especially for a guy.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I guess! It just depends on the person of course cause, when I first started dating this guy which is now my boyfriend of three years. As, I remembered on couple of our first dates that we had. He always been the type to offer to pay for everything. Even if, I offer to help pay. I mean EVERYTHING. He still does til this day. I mean I'm really grateful for everything he has done for me and plus more.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Go Dutch, why should a guys be the pay master always

    1|3
    0|0
  • As a girl, I always at least reach for my purse when the ticket comes on the first date and wait for the guy to say "No, I got it." If he doesn't, then I have absolutely no problem paying for my own things. Anyways back to your question, I completely understand what you're saying and respect you for that. If I was a guy, I'd probably be the same way lol.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There's this thing called "splitting the bill".

    1|0
    0|0
  • My boyfriend and I end up spending exactly the same amount on each other. Sometimes me even more lately since he has more bills than I. It's made it more difficult though. When he was spending slightly more, I was always super grateful and more attracted to him as a provider. When he's not, I'm constantly comparing every penny spent to make sure he's not just taking advantage and making me buy everything now. I also expect him to take me out for nice dates because he let me pay for a really expensive dinner and then hasn't returned the favor.

    It was simpler when he was spending a bit more and I was doing a bit more with other things.

    0|0
    0|3

What Guys Said 13

  • First of all, if you spend more than $20 per date for your first 3 dates, you are doing it wrong. It's not about being cheap, it's about being smart.

    1. If you can't fall back on BUYING a good time (which really only works with status-hungry girls who will use you and move on as soon as a wealthier/better-connected guy comes along), then you actually have to use your BRAIN and THINK of interesting, fun things you can do together. I *always* get compliments on first dates, because I do different things then they're expecting, and I focus on getting to know the girl rather than trying to "entertain" her or show off. Most girls actually appreciate the thought that goes into these dates.

    2. Girls don't like to feel like they "owe" you something because you've spent money on them. If you spend only negligible amounts, then this isn't an issue.

    3. As you point out, dating can be expensive, especially when times are tough and discretionary dollars are few and far-between. Everyone, including women, know this. Hell, many women your age have spent most of their dating years in the recession, and younger girls have spent ALL of their dating years like that, so it's all they know. Unlike the 90s and to some extend the early 2000s, girls don't expect you to spend much on them. They'd rather just get to know you anyway, and that doesn't cost much, if anything.

    Spending money on girls is best left for serious relationships, and only AFTER you've been together for a while. They'll appreciate it much more, and it will convey the intended meaning, if you hold off.

    And you won't go broke on first dates that don't work out.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I know for a fact that there are some women who will take advantage of this fact. They always try to be in relationships because they know it saves them a lot of money.

    As for the me being a guy, it's not something that has ever influenced my decisions to date, no matter how much money I had, but I don't think you can put a price on love. Saving some money isn't worth missing out on a great girl. That being said, I really like and appreciate when a girl offers to pay for her own stuff. It shows she's classy and not going to be selfish in the relationship. Typically I'll insist I pay because It' just something I like to do for the girl I care about. The money becomes a non issue because I deem her a worthy expense, just like buying a fun gadget for myself. I enjoy paying for her.

    The best though is when some girls go as far as to return the favor. I had an amazing Girlfriend once who I payed for all the time. Again, it was something I always wanted to do, no matter how much she insisted she pay for her own stuff. Everyone once and a while, she would say she was taking me on a date to as a way of saying thank you for always taking her out and for treating her well. She would pay for dinner and what ever else we did. Obviously the money didn't equal out to what I was dropping on her, but it was the gesture that counted. It really shows she appreciated what I was doing for her, as well as showed that she was investing just as much of her effort into the relationship and me, as I was into her.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Don't get me wrong, while I don't mind paying for my girl, I can definitely tell if I'm being used for my money and that's not cool. It's like anything else. I'm only going to enjoy paying if I feel I'm getting a good value for my money. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm expecting sex, but showing some sort of appreciation.

  • I get the whole being chivalrous thing, but I would never let money stop me from dating a girl. Sometimes it's alright to not spend a ton of money on dates, or if you can not spend any at all. Girls are people too and they have money issues just like guys do and they'll probably understand if you can't afford to throw money around. It might even make the date better because then you can see if she really likes you for you and not because you spent a ton of cash on her. But that being said, yes having a girlfriend does cost money, as much as you can split things or try and not spend too much, they still cost money. If you either can't afford or don't want to spend the money on a date, maybe it isn't the right time for you to be dating.

    1|0
    0|0
  • There's plenty of ways to have free/cheap dates and if she's not interested in those ideas, she's only in it for the money.

    Sandwich at a park. Nice outdoors and so on.

    Coffee like you said.

    Cards

    Puzzle games

    Board games

    and so on.

    The problem is that most people don't know how to have fun nowadays without expensive stuff being brought into the picture. Of course we don't spend money early on to protect ourselves from gold diggers. There's plenty of women with no conscience who will have dinner and never contact back. Just keep being creative.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, I don't think that relationships are always planned like that. Sometimes they're spontaneous, and you're in love before you realize that you already have to pay for many things.

    Some things are worth the money. It may be cheaper financially to go without dating for the first few dates, but in the long run, not being in a relationship may have a physical and/or emotional drain. If you can get into a happy and satisfied relationship, that will make you feel that much better about yourself and your partner. You might even be able to have a longer life span, and a much more rewarding life.

    You're not a cheapskate. But if you go into a relationship thinking it is a drain on your money, you likely won't be putting much effort into it. What would happen to the human population if they decided to quit at the first sign of bad finances?

    You should be self-sacrificing. If you go into a relationship thinking exactly 50-50, then that isn't enough. Do your best in a relationship. The significant other shouldn't take advantage of you and do very little work, but she should be putting her all into the relationship, as should you.

    I would never think like that. I would never think that paying for a girlfriend is too much to ask for. It may be about chivalry, and/or it could be about being a gentleman. Have you seen Asians culture? Everybody insists on paying for the bills, man or woman.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Bro... I make 170 dollars a month and got a girlfriend. And still dated without spending money. one up or comment if you wanna here how

    0|1
    0|0
    • Just the other day we climbed a 5-6ft cherry blossom tree and took pictures, cost:0. Go to an art walk around the town, 0 dolla. Watch a movie at someones place, 1.50. Play cards against humanity. Video games, hell there is so much fun free sh*t to do lol!

    • Well, as I stated in my answer, I know there are free stuff, but it's the general idea that I was referring to. But don't get me wrong, I understand your idea's, thanks :)

  • I think it's fine for a guy to pay for the first few dates, then the bill needs to be split in half or take turns paying for each other.

    To me, that shows respect on both parts.

    0|0
    0|1
  • No, by choice and the worst luck is why I'm the dreaded 'single' as it applies to some. And even I were in a committed relationship, it wouldn't be too much of a problem so long as it's not overdone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm single because I'm not that good looking I have money, so its not like I'm poor but not rich either.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly, if a girl is attracted to you, it won't ever need to be a big expense to be with her.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nope. I'd just spilt everything 50/50 if I did get into a relationship

    0|0
    0|0
  • Realistically speaking, when you consider that pretty much nothing happens until third dates, if you make it that far...

    Coffee date at starbuckd: about $10 for both of you to get a coffee and a pastry, conservatively.

    Dinner date at an average restaurant like Texas Roadhouse, if things look promising: about $30, with tip.

    I can think of plenty of fun things I can do with $40 bucks that don't involve trying to win some girl's approval. And God forbid I think buying her dinner earns me the right to a kiss, even though not buying her dinner would mean I'm a cheapskate who doesn't want to pay for her time. And how many times do you do two dates and it ends in failure? Plenty.

    So for a broke university student taking 18 hours and just getting by? Girls just aren't worth the money, really.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Nope, single as I can't handle a relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...