Do you think 'being yourself' works for everyone when dating?

You usually hear people telling that to those who lack dating skills. but does this advice work for everyone?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is actually a very good question, haha. :)

    You are asking if it works or not, right? Sure not. People think differently and you could not please everyone, so by being yourself...you aren't being anyone else which means that others (who are opposite/different than you) will think you aren't a good match or that you're weird or whatever judgement they choose to label you with. There are others who are wise and open-minded enough to accept you the way you are or at least won't judge you based on one or 2 dates. Those people aren't the majority though, haha. Most people JUDGE whether we like to admit it or not. So, yeah...if you are being yourself and you're different, you might not be accepted by plenty of people. If you are being yourself and fit the norm of how people act and think, then you will be most probably accepted by lots of people around you.

    Accepted or not, I think being yourself is very important because I'd rather win myself than lose my identity just to please people around me. If I change how I act and how I think just to please others, I will be changing myself infinitely because people are different and in the end I will ask myself "Who am I?" which means that I have lost myself in the process.

    Great question. :)

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What Girls Said 31

  • Yes! Unless you have major, untreated social/emotional/mental/empathy problems (which should be addressed before dating), nobody will find a good match if they masquerade as someone else or suppress certain parts of their personality.

    When I was 15, after reading a horrible dating book that told girls to "shut up and be mysterious" and said "guys lie to get what they want," I suppressed my personality in subtle ways. After not saying what I wanted to, not revealing much about myself, pretending to be interested in things I wasn't, smiling and nodding when I was angry, etc., I ended up breaking up the poor guy I was dating and blindsided him (he wasn't perfect, but we were 15 and immature). I still blame that book for my warped views on dating during my teenage years, and I wish I had received more instruction from "dating tips" to be myself.

    In my junior year of high school, I said "screw it" and decided to be myself no matter what, and have since become a healthier, happier person, and (surprise) attracted more potential partners. A much better exchange from the silent, stewing, judgmental person who was angry that I wasn't getting good relationships despite "doing everything right" like the book said.

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    • Sometimes being yourself won't really get you partners though. I'm still going to be a quiet and moral person, but I doubt that anyone will be interested in a quiet person like me. That doesn't mean that I will try to be who I am not though.

  • It'll work in the sense that you'll have an honest relationship with whoever you're dating (as opposed to pretending to be someone else who you think they'd like better), and you'll have the peace of mind that the girls you date are with you because they like the real you.

    That said, not everyone will like your real self, so "be yourself" isn't a foolproof method to date and keep anyone you want. But honestly, (most) girls can smell from a mile away when a guy's not being real with them, so being yourself is your best bet.

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  • Yes.

    If you're not yourself while dating...then who are you?

    The point of dating is to trying to establish a connection with someone.

    If you try to be who you aren't then you are misrepresenting yourself and that can lead to your downfall in dating. The person you are dating may be interested in who you aren't.

    How can you blame them?

    They were misled.

    It is wise to be truthful when looking for someone you want to eventually become a pair with.

    Be yourself.

    Don't lie about your wants or needs,

    Don't lie about your interests

    Be upfront.

    If the person doesn't like you for you...well there are other people to date that will be fine with you.

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    • Also, I see people are misunderstanding what being yourself means. No one is saying lay all your phobias and secrets out on the table. That eventually comes with time and getting to know someone. What is being said is don't pretend to be someone you aren't, enjoy your date. If you're a McDonald's worker don't pretend to be a doctor. If you hate Doritos...then don't make believe you love them. Be you.

  • The truth will out. I think you have to be yourself right from the get-go, otherwise you are selling someone a sh*tty bill-of-goods. They might like what you pretend to be, but you can't keep that up forever- the patters struggles to re-assert itself. The real you will come leaking out of the seams of your construct, and then what? Your partner/f/gf is faced with a stranger- not at all the person they though they were getting. It's unfair to them, and it is unfair to you. I'm not saying that behavior doesn't change with familiarity- of course it does. But who you are intrinsically is just who you are, and I don't think you should misrepresent that. It is a fact of life that not all people will like you, and that's okay- not everyone has to. It doesn't mean you are terrible or that there is something wrong with you, all it means is that you aren't everyone's favorite flavor. Life is like that. "Please all and you will please none"- I think that's one of Aesop's morals. Please yourself, and while you are doing that don't hurt people needlessly- and if you are a true and authentic person you will find your pack. And when you do, it will feel like coming home.

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  • I think you need to be your best self. On a first date it's very important to stay light and positive. For example if you're the type of person who likes to fart every five minutes, you might want to hold that in. This doesn't mean you're not being yourself, you're just showing your best side :) You should never lie on a first date, or pretend to be something you're not but that doesn't mean you can forget all your manners. Bring up only positive things about yourself like interests and hobbies you might have in common. Always stay classy ;)

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  • This is a great question !

    From my personal experience I have never asked myself this question as it may seem obvious in a long term relationship as after a certain amount of time , your personnality will eventually show. But I guess if you're really into somebody and are only attracted to them physically then yes you may change your personnality to date them.

    Again if this works is a win-win situation, if you match your personality to your date of course things will go great but in the long term how do you expect your relationship to evolve if you are being 'fake'. However if you go on a date with your own personnality you may find that your date is totally opposite and that things won't work out obviously .

    I'm not saying to act crazy like you would do with your best friend, that would just freak your date out. But at least to not act dumb or easy (even if that's the guys personnality type) if you're a girl and not act rude or like a 'bad boy' if you're a guy. Be yourself

    It's a choice to make for the type of relationship you want, a long and serious one or just a fun one without many complications or because you are VERY physically attracted to this person or if you're just looking for a hook up. :)

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  • No, some people don't hook up with people that would appreciate the real them, they try to date people who are more into rigid molds of people.

    For others they hook up with people who appreciate their real personality but being yourself doesn't work for everyone.

    That's not to say it's not worth it.

    Being yourself works in the long run, it weeds out the people that wouldn't work or the fizzle type of relationships.

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  • I think ultimately it leads you to the person you need to be with or the person you match with... I mean you can act for a while, but unless you are going to act for the rest of your life and never be yourself, there is no reason to act anything other then the way you always do on a date.

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  • I think so because I've dated people who were absolutely amazing when I first started dating them, however, when the true colors came out things went sour. I know people want to be their best upsfront but honestly, why wait to let someone know you do drugs in your off time or you do enjoy drinking or you really do absolutely hate doing volunteer work. I wish people would be true to themselves and do what makes them happy, not put a happy front up.

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  • Of course it works in the long run. If pretending to be someone else gets the person you like, how long will it last? You will eventually start being yourself and that person could end up feeling betrayed or resentful since they were basically lied to. Being yourself will weed out those that are not suited for you, sure you may like them but it won't work due to personality conflicts. People are always better of being themselves and waiting for the person who will love them for it.

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  • Only if you aren't a freak

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  • "Of course, just be yourself."

    But sometimes it sure seems like being someone else will get you a date.

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  • Hmm... I definitely think it will not last if you're not being you! Sometime, your partner will find out! It also might be stressing not being able to be comfortable.

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  • Horrible concept to follow in the beginning. Especially for guys.

    If they were themselves to start off, unless it's a different kind of setting/environment where everyone already knows each other.

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  • If you can't be yourself dating what happened if its turn into a real relationship, I can tell you that it's not going to be a happy relationship

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  • eventually yeah. but def waay into the relationship.. further down the road it'll come out and help keep both people together

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  • I often find I'm not being my full self when I'm dating, when I should be because they're clearly dating me for the person I am?!

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  • Yeah just be you but I guess it would mean don't be shy or nervous kinda thing :)

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  • If your gonna date anyone then you have to be yourself im order for the to like you the way you are

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  • Well not every one but u should be ur self with anyone

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  • No but it's best to

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  • You should always be yourself when dating someone. You never know how long you'll end up together. You don't want to spend the rest of your time in that relationship being someone you're not.

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  • It doesn't work with everyone, because sometimes there are the rude people you date who don't like your real self. Don't change for them

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  • Yes, cause if you are yourself, the person likes you for YOU, and if they don't well then they aren't with you lol.

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  • It depends on what type of girl you are after, if you are a sweet guy, don't go after a bad ass girl cause it won't work usually

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  • Yes. You can only be yourself

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  • should it? yes. does it? not at all. I mean every once in a while yes it does, but it's not going to work with every guy/girl you meet. but that's a good thing tho. imagine if you connected with every single person you ever dated. how would you know who was the right one for you? be your self always. it might not get you far with one girl, but it will take you forever with the right one :)

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  • It's hard to say whether it'll work because who knows if you being yourself will be compatible with every girl you go on a date with, but wouldn't you rather find someone who likes you for you than someone who likes the fake you. All I'm saying is it'll feel amazing when she's saying she loves things about you which are the real you, so why not give yourself that opportunity!

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  • Being yourself is always the best bet. There's no set 'dating skills'

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  • yeah. its the ultimate key!

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What Guys Said 18

  • Yes & No.

    If you've got a sh*tty personality, being yourself won't work. If you're naturally a spiteful, bitter, angry and all around hateful person, you're not gonna attract many people, and those who you attract won't enhance your life.Working on it will help you have a better life all around. Then once you've changed, beings yourself will work.

    I don't think changing your personality or aspiring to better yourself is "losing your identity" and it's certainly not to please others. Changing yourself for the better is moulding yourself to your ideals, it's creating your identity. I'd even argue that a personality you create and shape for yourself is a lot closer to your real self/identity than following traits that you inherited from your upbringing which you may or may not have consciously brought into your personality.

    That being said, most people don't have huge problems that require a shift in personality in order to have a decent shot at dating, so being yourself works for the majority case. And almost no one needs to change themselves unless they want to.

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  • The thing is, people generally expect people to be "polished up" while dating. So being yourself might actually result in being expected to be worse in a relationship. I think especially for guys, women would like someone that knows how to behave in formal occasions and make an effort.

    What is dating? You dress up and groom yourself, you spend quite a lot of money for a day/night out and you are on your best behavior . No girl wants to hear that you didn't feel like shaving because you were tired or that you prefer take out because a restaurant is ridiculously expensive or that you are planning on meeting up with friends later. Having a stubble, ordering take out and hanging with the guys for once is perfectly acceptable once you are in arelationship, but not as a date. Because if that is you making an effort, what will be reality later on? Letting yourself go, being a cheap bastard and never showing an interest in her?

    Dating is superficial. It is advertising. We don't expect a movie to be as good as the trailer promises, but we do go see the movie with the best trailer.

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  • I might tell someone to "be yourself" only if he or she is not being himself or herself. If people fake who they are, it isn't long before their false mask slips and they reveal their true colors. We should try being who we are, instead of who we wish we were. Of course, that doesn't mean that we can't try changing ourselves once in a while.

    You have to be yourself, otherwise you risk making the other person fall in love with your "false self". Then you'll be forced to hold up a facade of yourself.

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  • The advice doesn't work at all.

    Being yourself can work well. Note that this means being yourself while relaxed, confident, not worried about impressing, and not suppressing your sexual nature.

    However, most people are shy, nervous, worried about how they will be received, not confident that they have other options and afraid to express their sexual nature.

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  • Sort of. Initially it lets people get a feel for one another but in the long run, everyone changes.

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  • Being yourself may not work for everyone, but trying to be something other than yourself almost NEVER works for ANYONE.

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  • It depends. Be the best you can be and then be yourself, but if you're like shy or mentally unstable, then no.

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  • It's true, you should be yourself, but you don't have to tell every detail about stuff. It's okay to hold back certain things, but don't lie.

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  • if you can't be yourself on a date, it'll only cause surprises when you're yourself in a committed relationship.

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  • Look at this image: link

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  • no because each person is expecting a certain something from that person and if they dont provide it, its a turn off

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  • The reality is: no

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  • The main reason why relationships do not work is because of people lying about who they really are.

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  • Yes because then u can genuinely get someone to like u

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  • It seems to be working pretty well for me.

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  • only if you're good looking

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  • If you are dating someone who is also themselves, and not into all the little social rituals, then yes it does work.

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  • Of course not. Not sure how you would not know this but there are many people with such large imperfections, faults, phobias, habits, odd looks that they are either undatable or they are nearly undatable. Many decent physically and mentally healthy people can of course just be themselves and be likable and datable. I have no problem showing my true self from the start. Many people like to only show fluff and bullsh*t in the beginning of a relationship and then are put on a pedestal. Many people get swept away with how perfect someone is and then eventually they are let down as they start to see who that person is. Most people lie and most people only show their good side as much as they could so sometimes it take a while to really know who someone is.

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    • Everyone is kind of crazy by the way. If you show someone all these crazies things most people would run

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