Very complex problem. Would like some honest feedback.

Sorry this will be a little long and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read this.

Me and this girl are really into each other. I REALLY like her more than I've liked any girl since I was engaged, otherwise I would have walked away a long time ago.

The problem is that she has this long time friend who she has been casually seeing, non-exclusively, for a while now so they were free to date other people.

But just recently he decided he wanted to go exclusive with her, unfortunately for me this was about the time that I asked her out.

She told my friend (who she doesn't realize tells me everything) that she really wanted to date me and see where it'd go before going exclusive with this guy. But she was afraid if she said no that she'd lose him as a friend too. And even though theyre "exclusive" now she still wants to date me.

When my friend asked her why she just doesn't date me, her response was actually "my boyfriend won't let me."

So my question is how should I handle this. Walking away at this point isn't an option. Should I just be straightforward and lay all my feelings out there or should I just wait her current relationship out?

Sorry for the long post.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1) Don't ever wait for somebody. If they weren't ready to commit to a single person from the start, then they're not worth waiting for. Plus, you will increasingly look the fool with each day that passes.

    2) You're at a disadvantage because she and this "other guy" have known each other longer, have a friendship behind the semi-relationship and therefore a potentially closer bond than you could forge with her.

    3) How can her "boyfriend" be making decisions for her like that? It's her life and therefore it's in her power to choose who she wants to date and when she wants to date them. If she is one of those girls who guys can easily control then she's probably not particularly bright.

    This leads me to my final question: why is walking away NOT an option?

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    • ^^ Missxt couldn't have said it better. NEVER EVER wait on someone's relationship to end. You may be waiting for something that doesn't come. Also, you can't compete with time, I learned that long ago. If someone has more time in with a lady than u, she's gonna feel that guy more because she knows him better. there's no way to compensate for that times she's already spent with him.

      WALK AWAY. I know you don't wanna hear tht but you really can find somebody else who will love and appreciate u.

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    • My sentiments exactly!

    • Sometimes, you don't always want to hear the advice people give you because it goes against what your feelings for her are telling you to do. The problem is that in hindsight you tend to realize the advice was completely true. But I hope in your case, things don't end up that way :)

What Girls Said 3

  • I don't really get what's going on, exactly.

    In saying that she wants to "continue to date you", do you mean continue to hang out etc. with you without any commitment, while she is supposedly exclusive with this guy?

    And when your friend asked her why she doesn't just "date" you, does your friend mean, continue to casually see you on the side of this other guy, OR; break up with this guy and leave him for you?

    I don't think I'm getting it.

    She sounds a bit greedy so far.

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    • No not date me on the side. Basically she wants to go back to being unexclusive with this guy to date me and see where it goes. But at the same time theyve been friends for a long time so she doesn't want to risk losing him so this is screwy. These are all things that she told my friend. Things she assumes I don't know

      But the fact that she still wants to date me even though she's got a boyfriend proves that he's not the right one right? Especially after so long. Wouldn't it have happened by

    • Oh okay, so she just wants things to go back to how they were before, but she doesn't want to lose the other guy by rejecting him - so she was kind of cornered into going out with him. Yeah makes sense now. She doesn't sound very serious about this other guy but she doesn't sound very serious about you either. The sucky bit is that you have class with her, so there's no way to escape. You can't get over her. you can't tell her you like her then give her space. It just sounds too cramped!

  • Either wait the current relationship out or walk away.

    Although I would be leary to trust a girl who wants to date someone else but is in a relationship because she might do that to you in the future. It makes her sound like the kind of girl who only gets out of a relationship if she has another lined up, even if she's unhappy. Which is wrong.

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    • Very true. Ill have a weekend away from her and I feel like I might be finally starting to move on in my head too. So who knows.

    • It's always hard to walk away, but 99% of the time it really is the best thing. I've always found it amazing how a little distance can change my perspective on the situation and make it easier to leave them in the dust.

  • Since you're not giving yourself the option of leaving you should just talk to her and see where it goes

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What Guys Said 2

  • If she lets someone called a 'friend' dictate whom she sees, even without any agreement about their future together, then she's not a likely partner for you down the road.

    I don't know what head trip she's on, but it isn't a healthy one.

    There re plenty of others girls who don't owe allegiance to some 'friend', but have the power to make their OWN decisions.

    Try to get to know one of those girls, and leave this one to her 'friend.'

    Sure, you can see what happens after this current relationshp is over, but I'm not optimistic about her ever being independent of him.

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    • True enough. I think I'm just going to treat the situation like she doesn't have a boyfriend. Ill back off a bit, but still flirt now and then, and if she starts chasing I'll just casually ask her to go hang out (with a specific place in mind) and see how she responds.

  • You said it yourself she chases you when you ignore her. She knows she has you and that you will wait for her. She chose him over you because she was scared he would leave and knew you won't. The point I'm trying to make here is that you have to scare her a little. Mess up her game. Act like you don't care about her , flirt with other girls. It's a win win situation cos you will either meet someone new who won't make you there spare wheel or she will come running after you.

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    • Im not sure how me ignoring her makes her believe that I will wait. She doesn't really know how I feel. She knows I like her but not the extent of it. And your advice is pretty much what I'm doing.

    • I may have not worded it properly. Ignoring her won't make her feel she has you. Don't under estimate the power of female intuition. There's a good chance she knows exactly how you feel. She even gambled on it by dating the other guy. She assumed you will always be there. You will have to play your cards wisely to win this game

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