Do you "test" the people you date?

Do "test" the people you're dating? If so, then how and why? If not, then what do you think of tests and the various games people play in relationships?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's normal to some degree, and I think "testing" happens on a sub-conscious level. Case in point, I used to date this guy who never got upset about anything, ever. He was so laid-back it's like he was in a coma. I found myself being more and more obnoxious and bitchy to get a reaction out of him. I didn't actually put it together at the time, though. It was like a game- I wanted to see just HOW big of an a**hole I could be and still "get away" with it. People with no discernable boundaries are targets for some people (like me) who just have to know where they will draw the line- or OF they ever will. It's childish (and to be fair to myself, I was much younger when this happened) but I think what I wanted was for him to finally call me out on my bad behavior- and he never did. ANYthing I did was okay with him, and that wasn't okay with me.

    I think most people are like that. I think it has to do with what Malcom X said that time, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." I mean, when you know where someone stands, you will have a better idea of where *you* stand in relation to them. If that makes any sense. Which possibly it does not, but I tried.

    Anyway, if you mean "testing" as in making up a bunch of sh*t you try to get the other person to do in order to make clear the pecking order- I think that's manipulative and underhanded. I don't do THAT, and if I felt like someone was doing that to me I would not react well. At all.

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    • "that wasn't okay with me." why not?

    • Because (in retrospect) I felt like that amount or permissiveness implied spinelessness. I don't really want to hang out with anyone -male or female- who takes such a passive role in life. Instead of something actively lived, life then becomes just a series of events that happen to you, like you have no control over anything. That way you don't have to take responsibility for anything because if you let anything go then obviously everyone else is responsible for what happens to you.

    • I'm not saying that it's wrong to be a really passive person, but I don't get along well with overly-passive people. They make me think they have no standards and I think standards are good. They imply a sense of self-worth. I like that. I mean if I'M supposed to value you, I think YOU ought to value you, too. If you let people walk all over you, it's not only a reflection of themselves, it's a reflection on you, too- that you would allow it. See what I mean?

What Guys Said 2

  • tests were meant to be cheated on

    and no I don't

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  • I did it once, because I had some doubts. She failed the test.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Do you "test" the people you date?

    Yes

    If so, then how and why?

    I tend to find their weaknesses or insecurities and exploit them in scenarios that can not be legally blamed on me (in case they go off the deep end and try to kill themselves). I do so for my entertainment and amusement.

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    • Killing you would be SO worth going to jail over

    • @Koldhearted

      Seems you're quite butthurt so you're okay with testing on cheats but a person who tests is worth killing...lmao

  • i don't understand why some one would have to test someone in a relationship. that's happened to me before and it's a game changer. it's about trust and if someone has to test me than that does not sit right with me and I look at them different for doing that in the first place.

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  • Yes,I do test someone I'm dating.I think A LOT of people do it.How else will you know if you're compatible. Some of my tests include,are you a gentleman (opening the door for me),do you have a backbone,(I can't stand when a man is weak in his morals,standards and opinions.I like for him be his own person.) And other tests until I know him better,and realize we are compatible.This usually happens at the genesis of our relationship...

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  • I would, to gain trust

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