Do I have a commitment problem or is this normal?

This happens to me every time I am in a relationship: me and the guy do great for the first month or so but then on MY end the passion dies off and I get bored of the relationship :(

Currently, I'm going out with this really sweet guy who I was friends with for awhile before we started dating. While we were friends, we'd flirt like crazy and hang out all the time, it was kind of like dating but we never labelled it. Then he took the step and asked me to be his girl.

I was hesitant because I didn't want to go through the passionless thing with him. But I said yes because I really do like him! However, now I'm kind of experiencing what I did with the other guys I dated. I don't want to break up with him :(((

But I need to do something to make our relationship exciting again.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's absolutely normal to have that first period of strong feelings for someone and it's also absolutely normal that it dies after a few months. When it does, THEN only, can start real love for a person. Passion is not love.

    If you can't live without this passion, then I guess you'll never be in a long term relationship. Of course people who have been married for awhile are trying to renew that passion however they can sometimes. But in the overall they are used to each other and this "routine" is normal. They don't break up just for that. Otherwise no one would get into long term relationships and no one would have kids and family...

    Rejecting the boredom of routine and breaking up with a guy just because of that, really makes you look like one hell of a illusioned self centered b*tch. And eventually you will undeniably end up alone once your youth and beauty fades away around 40 years old...

    I suggest you start figuring how to keep things interesting between you and him, while at the same time accepting that it can't be exactly like it was at the beginning. Talk to him about the problem and figure out a solution together.

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    • I'm scared to talk to him because I don't want him to think I don't like him anymore, because I do! I just feel like our relationship is getting kind of stale and I don't want that to happen :/

      I'm not going to break up with him though. Unlike the other few guys I dated, I feel something different with him that I can't explain. Maybe its the fact that we were close friends before we actually decided to get into a relationship? Whatever the reason, I can't see myself without him.

    • just tell him. Don't say it's stale. Just encourage him to do small things here and there to keep things spiced up. Do it yourself as well sometimes if you can, take initiatives.

      Ask your parents how they did maintain the flame...

What Guys Said 3

  • Simple...you crave for the initially love-dovey feeling. Once it dies...then it gets boring or it's not fun any more. I don't know whether you want real love...or just the lust or 'faux love' part. Obviously, you're stuck in a vicious circle.

    Like most people who live in 'the now' or this impulsive/fast pace/impatient/entitled generation who think they're 'in love' and when the interest level dies or something goes wrong or you get bored...you kick em to the curb and find that same feeling again. Whether you think it's a commitment issue or normal. It can go either way depending on your perspective.

    Solution: Figure out what you really want and stop breaking hearts in the meantime.

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  • Hmm. Need more info. Do you get "buyers remorse" when you make an expensive purchase? This could be the same psychological mechanism. Or maybe it's the Woody Allen thing that brings self doubt, "why would I want to be in a club (relationship) that would have me as a member." Or could you have unrealistically high standards and when you suddenly realize that "this one's imperfect, too" you get cold feet.

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  • Only you know how to make your relationship exciting.

    Communication is key. SPEAK UP to him!

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you do see yourself in a great relationship with a man of your dreams that will treat you well and understand your needs and desires but to the point here...I think you get bored easily by the guy no matter who he is or what he has done for you because you haven't found the type of guy you've been looking for but here's come the brutally honest harmless question to yourself...do you know what qualities, looks (if important to you), beliefs and values the man of your dreams would have? Be realistic and honest with yourself for a minute and really think about it...do you know what your looking for in a partner? Serious or not...do you know? What do you have to offer to a relationship? Excitement? Passion? Fun? For me its understanding, commitment and affection.

    Trust me that once you find someone that even comes close to your fairy tale man because that's what he is...a fairy tale because his not made exactly like that, its out of our hands really, but realistically find someone close to that idea...then...no matter what happens, he will keep you in your toes for good hahaha just remember, you don't have to go into all of these relationships and start blaming yourself for the outcome because reality is, that you need to find yourself first in order to get what you want. When one keep jumping clueless, now that's when confusion, denial and frustration tends to occur.

    Because we haven't tackled the problem but actually hid it with what 'seems' to be 'a problem.'

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