Am I leading this guy on?

I've known him for an year. He's a decent, smart guy. Nerdish, computer and quantum physics geek. Also cute, although he's tall and very thin.

He knows I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. But he also knows that many times my boyfriend stands me up and that I'm almost always alone.

These last months, I see this guy more often then I see my boyfriend. I talk to him every day, in person and through text, when my boyfriend doesn't even text me for days to see if I'm OK.

He's often the one who texts first, invites me to coffee, and we just hang out alone until other friends show up (and because we don't actually call the other friends, sometimes they don't show up at all).

He's single and we usually comment on pretty girls who walk by (he says they're cute, I say I agree or not) just in a playful way. He's also always telling me that I need to introduce him my hot friends. We sometimes talk about sex (but we don't really flirt nor dirty talk)

Is it possible that I'm leading this guy on? Is my behavior inappropriate?

I'm usually "one of the boys", so this is my way of dealing with guy frieds in general. Am I sending the wrong message?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're cheating on your boyfriend here to a certain extent. If your boyfriend hasn't been able to make plans with you, or because he's busy, that doesn't mean you should run off to a guy friend and have someone temporarily "replace" your boyfriend. If your boyfriend truly is neglecting you and hardly makes any time, then do yourself a favor and let him. Avoid months of drama and arguments, and simply choose the guy who has been there since day one. Are you leading him on? Yes, though not intentionally. Does he know this? Of course. Yet he probably just wants to be there, because he wans to. Plain and simple.

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What Guys Said 9

  • yes - yes - yes ...

    Stop it now. I hate chicks doing this and then thinking that it's not their fault.

    I'm actually glad that you ask yourself the question, it proves that you are probably a good person.

    Sraight things up with him. Tell him straight that NOTHING will ever happen.

    If he stays around you after that, than either he's genuinely fine with it - or - he's an idiot.

    OR

    he's a genius for using you as a pivot (he wants to bang your female friends)

    but since you said he's a nerd... I don't think that solution is very plausible.

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  • It's not what you say, but how you say it and how you behave around him that really determines if you're leading him on.

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  • You need to talk to him. He may be totally alright with your friendship as just a friendship. In which case, you are not leading him on.

    If he secretly has feelings for you otherwise, he's not being honest with you. You're just being friendly. But if he does have more feeling for you than friendship, you may want to tone down your time together a bit.

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  • Yes, I think you're leading him on and it's not very fair to your guy friend. You need to make it clear to him that nothing will ever happen between you and respect his decision if he leaves you.

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  • I think you're alright. But I wonder why you put up with your boyfriend always standing you up.

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  • i feel like I'm reading the plot to 16 candles lol. he's just trying to treat you right but, hanging out alone and spending all this extra time...yeah that's sending him the wrong message for sure

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  • Nope

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  • How can you say you love this guy you're with when he treats you like crap...I don't understand

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  • Yes, you are definitely leading him on and he thinks he has a chance with you.

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