Can a guy have feelings for 2 women?

Me and a guy were dating for about 3 months. He was dating other women and I other men. I wanted to fully commit to him but didn't want to put all of my eggs in one basket until he made it official. I wasn't sleeping with the other guys--just conversation and a date here and there.

About a week ago he informed me that he can't choose between me and his ex. He has feelings for us both and at times can see himself with her and with me (marriage).

I told him to choose her because I felt he couldn't move forward if he hasn't resolved his past feelings. He told me he was hurt and that he couldn't say he would have chosen her and apologized for putting us all in this situation.

From my perspective, I feel if I didn't back away, he possibly would have gotten comfortable having 2 women and would've never made a choice.The ex knew about me and was accepting of him having feelings for me. He cheated on her before and she was in another state, which is why they broke up. She finished college and just popped back up so I guess I can understand his feelings.

I just cannot accept being a sideline and feel he would not respect me or take me seriously of wanting a committed relationship if I'm accepting of him being with 2 women he has feelings for. Dating multiple women to decide the best one--I'm cool with but an ex changed the whole dynamic because there is history. How can I compete with that? Even if he chose me, because she is so accepting of whatever he does to her, it would only lead up to heartbreak for me. The problem is...I miss him.

dearly. we had such a strong connection.

Have any of you guys had feelings for more than one woman? How did you handle the situation? If one woman broke it off and told you to sort out your feelings with the ex, did you eventually end up with the woman who left? Can a man truly respect a woman who will allow them to get away with anything?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Simply yes.

    However, the feelings are never equal, there is always one person you like more. Although to be honest, she's an ex for a reason and you're with him for a reason.

    I suppose if it really botheres you, you can show your strength and say that he should either decide on who he wants to be with or you'll decide for him and show him the door

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    • Thank you. I've already ended it with him but my feelings haven't. I don't want to force a man to be with me nor am I one to give ultimatums. I know he's not emotionally available and that bothers me because I was ready to give my all to him. I want to give him space because I feel like I would be a distraction and add even more confusion to his heart. I care about him enough to want to see him happy with or without me. Obviously-- I want him with me.

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    • Emotions are a complicated thing because theyre relative to each individual. Men are 2d shapes when compared to women though

    • This is so true...which is why I prefer logic over emotion. Lol!

  • What's up fellow intj. It IS possible to have feelings for more than one person. I've felt that way before, and I chose the one I felt was better suited for me.

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    • I got excited just the fact of you being an INTJ...u know how rare we are. Lol! INTJs always lean towards logic but with this guy I tried to go more with my emotions. It was a very tough thing to do, but I felt he was worth it and wanted to meet him half way. He intrigued me mentally. Ur solution makes perfect sense and is logical to me. I really couldn't see how he was so conflicted but I understood so I gave him space to figure it out on his own.

    • I was also excited, and indeed we are rare. Anyway, let him make the decision, I think you've done enough already.

    • Thanks! I really appreciate your advice. :)

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