Online Dating sites, are they all the same?

I have tried many dating websites and haven't had any luck, I am currently on POF and I haven't had one response to any of the emails that I have wrote. I'm not rude in the message, generally just say hello. I literally have sent 60 messages to 60 different girls and not one has sent anything back. Is there something wrong with me, what am I doing wrong? I don't have luck talking to women in person, but now it seems that the ones online don't want to online either. I could understand if, for example, a dozen out of 60 women don't respond, every single one?! I can't wrap my head around this whole nonsense and quite frankly it's extremely depressing. Every site I have been on is the same way. How does a guy get a girl interested? What happens when your not that good looking and not very interesting or have nothing to say? Is it fate that you will stay alone forever? Should I just take the first one that comes along because I want a relationship so bad that I will have no choice but to take what I can get, not that this is going to happen... Not only are the very attractive girls out of my league, I couldn't even get the ones that I find not attractive to like me. It's a lose-lose situation.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Nope, not all sites are the same! I did a lot of research before trying online dating, and from what I found, the two highest rated sites are Match and eHarmony. They cost a bit of money, but in my opinion they're worth it! You really do get what you pay for. On unpaid sites, you get a lot of scammers and fake profiles. On sites like Match and eHarmony, the number of scammers and not serious members goes down dramatically. I ended up choosing Match because it's $100 for 6 months, but if you haven't met anyone in 6 months, they will give you the next 6 free! I ended up meeting my boyfriend (we've been together over a year now!) and deactivating my account within three months, but the site was still DEFINITELY worth the time and money. That's just my personal experience though. I'd recommend googling "online dating site reviews" and reading up on your options, then deciding which is right for you. Regardless, I'm sure you are NOT destined to stay alone forever! Don't give up (:

    • I have tried Match, eHarmony, POF, Cupid, OkCupid, Countrymatch, DateHookUp, and Zoosk. I haven't had any luck on any of those sites and I have been on them off and on for over 4 years. I have wasted a lot of money, to be quite honest it was a terrible investment.

    • I'm sorry, that's quite a lot! ): All I know is that it worked for me, but it's not the same for everyone. I hope something works out for you soon!


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What Girls Said 4

  • I think when it comes to online dating it has almost everything to do with your pictures. If you don't look immediately somewhat appealing in your pics then you are ignored. I know what you're going through. I've contacted 97 guys since March and can probably count on two hands the number of responses I've gotten, most of which were rejections. Even though I've updated what I had written on my profile, it hasn't changed anything because my pics are so-so selfies. I normally don't photograph well to begin with so I'm kinda screwed.

  • Things will happen when they are suppose to happen. I personally wouldn't go on dating sites. You can try it, but mostly try your luck looking for someone in person. Chances are your really not going to meet anyone online. It's really complicated that way. I would try talking to more girls in around your area face to face. Even if you feel shy or nervous at first chances are better that you'd hit it off with someone. Even if it takes awhile at least your getting more practice talking to women.

    • I haven't met anyone online anyways and it's very difficult to meet people in person. Last time I asked a woman out was in 1998. It's harder to talk to women the older I get; I don't have the luxury of 'practicing' talking to women, I'm too intimidated and shy. I hate going online to those sites because I already know what the outcome is going to be, but I always say "What the Hell, why not" and sign up and pay the money just to be disappointed.

    • I'm sorry. It won't always be like that. I know your feeling disapointed, but things in life are always changing. Don't just sit there and think, " Oh I must be meant to be alone the rest of my life". That will get you no where and only brings you down. As long as you still put yourself out there and your still try things will change. They won't if you lack confidence in yourself. I know your shy and being rejected hurts, but remember EVERYONE has been rejected. It doesn't mean everyone will.

  • Plenty of Fish is crap... that's the first thing to know. I was on there for a few months and I got a handful of messages, some were dirty, some just wanted to talk, none led to a date! Complete waste of time. I'm not sure if you've only tried free sites, but I think to get anywhere you have to go on a paid site. I'm going to check out eHarmony soon - I'm really hoping it lives up to all the hype.

    As far as not getting messages, I would advise you not to write too much in your profile, just an outline of who you are and what you like doing, the sort of woman you want to meet. We don't read great long profiles any more than men do. And try to make sure you add the best photo of yourself that you have. And KEEP TRYING! Online dating is frustratingly slow progress... try not to give up.

    • I am starting to believe that all of the dating sites are crap. I haven't had luck on any of them and I have been on at least half a dozen and still nothing. I'm 32 years old and have never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship. Sometimes, more like most times, I feel as if there is no hope or chance that I will be in one. It only gets harder the older I get. I keep changing my profile to shorten it and add just enough information to peak their interest, but that has proven to be a failure.

    • Show All
    • 3-4 years and I usually sign up on several at a time. I go to the free ones now because I am tired of spending the money (about $1000.00) over those years and that is just a terrible investment. I've been alone for most of my childhood and up until this point in my life. I don't have friends and well let's face it, waiting 3-4 years searching for someone sucks, especially when you leave each of those sites empty-handed.

    • Oh, I'm sorry. :( But I have no luck with dating sites either, and though I have friends, they are all with partners and/or have children so I don't see much of them. It can get pretty lonely.

  • No. If the 60 women is really the case, I think the problem may be in the message you are sending out. Does it sound impersonal? Does it sound like you noticed her specifically, or does it sound like you're doing a massive generic sweep of the site and she can tell she's just one out of 60?

    In a book I've read, one character was giving advice to another character how to write a love letter to ask a girl to give him a chance. His advice was, "Tell her you like her eyes and her hair," and a nearby female character angrily exclaimed, "And it doesn't really matter what color her eyes and hair are, does it? That's just something you say to a girl!" You need to make her feel like you noticed her for who she is, not just "You look pretty and I think we might be a good match." Look at what you have in common. Usually those sites list interests, right? Ask questions. Point out something unique about her, like the dimple she has in her left cheek or her profile bio that says she plays three instruments.

    If you sound like a bot (you know, like those computerized programs that say "hey, I'm cute, add me" with a picture of a pretty girl, that you know aren't real) she's not going to answer. You need to have your own voice. Make sure you sound like a person, not an automated telemarketer who has called every house in the neighborhood.

    I wish you luck, and I hope this helps!

    • i read their profile before I send a message. I start out the message with, "Hi, how are you, my name is **********." and then it is followed with a questioned about one of their interests. It never gets any response back. I am just unskilled in the art of conversation. I'm being truthful when I say '60 women'. Not one response back. It's a feeling of hopelessness and it makes me very depressed.

What Guys Said 2

  • trying looking a little more exciting as your give the "mars in the real world" type of vibe out.

  • Well, they are all the same.

    You simply have to be more active in your social life and that's a lot more rewarding than those dating sites.

    • I use those sites because I don't know how to be social especially around women. I don't go out and try to meet women. I save my self somewhat of the embarrassment by being rejected online because they just simply don't answer my emails vs being in public and have them say 'No', I would be very embarrassed and probably won't go back to that place.