Girls, what's your experience of online dating?

Girls who have tried online dating, do you think from your perspective it's worth a man's time to bother with online dating?

From what I've heard, every woman gets bombarded with first messages: several a day. So, the chances of a guy grabbing a girl's attention are small. However, I've also heard that many messages are sleazy. So, would a guy who writes an intelligent first message be able to grab a girl's attention? How many intelligent messages do you get?

Also, I've noticed that there are many girls who are pretty and have interesting profiles who are still, after several months, single and accessing their profile frequently. Why do you think that is?

In my experience of half a year of online dating, out of all the girls I've messaged, only one has ever replied. And she stopped replying to me for no apparent reason. Only one girl has ever sent me a first message, and, when I replied, she didn't reply.

I don't like the bar scene because it's impossible to judge personality, shared interests, etc. But is online dating a waste of time for a (straight) guy?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think online dating can be really helpful, especially if you are not into the bar scene. I've been doing the online dating thing on and off for a few years. I have taken breaks when I was with people. Most recently I'm back after a 2 year hiatus while being in a relationship.

    I think for a guy, especially one that wants a relationship, online dating can be really helpful. It's frustrating for sure, you might not meet someone right away. I know before I met my 2 year boyfriend, it took me about 8 months to find him. 8 months of frustrating meet ups and then no calls. The trick is to keep going. Also don't be afraid to meet people in real life as well.

    Yes, girls can get a lot of messages. But I think you would be surprised by the number. I think sometimes people think girls get so many messages, when that's not always true. There are weeks that go by that I don't get a message. And then some days I get a couple. Not always good quality. Out of all the messages I receive, only about 1-2 are decent. Most people just say "hi", and give nothing to go on. I hate those messages, especially if you reply to them and they don't really converse with you. They just kind of answer your questions, and then don't ask you any (how can anyone get to know a person if they won't ask questions?).

    When a pretty girl is on a dating site for a long time, there's probably a few factors at play. She might not be serious about finding someone. I made a guy's profile to see what the competition was like. And I saw a lot of girls online who put "not really looking for anything, just trying this out". So it sounds like a lot are just not serious. So perhaps that's why a pretty girl is still single, she's not really looking for a relationship. It could also be that she seems okay on the profile and online, but in person she's got some issues. Who knows.

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    • Thanks! What would be a good first message? I tend to write "Hey, I like your profile", then mention something we have in common, give a little more info about myself, and ask her a question. No more than three or four sentences. Also, what are some things that impress you in a guy's profile? I'm not having any success, LOL.

    • That sounds like a great first message. It's good to comment on stuff from their profile, it shows that you spent some time reading it and are putting in effort. Now, its also good that you keep it to 3-5 sentences. Don't spend too much time. Remember the person may not even respond unfortunately. Things that impress me on a guys profile? Well, just that he actually put effort in. Make sure you cover all your interests, what you are looking for and goals for the future :)

What Girls Said 1

  • You have to weed through a lot of messages per day to find maybe one guy who you may be compatible with. I'd much rather meet someone in person while I'm out with my friends or at various events.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I know I am a guy but I personally know some girls in person who also have online dating profiles and even some who have been married from online dating.

    The girls who get 50+ messages are the attractive ones or the ones who managed to tweak their photos to come off as attractive. I have met some girls who when I met in person, found out they weighed more than they were and simply took angled photos or used outdated photos and significantly changed since then. One girl told me she had a photo of her with another girl and the guy met her in person and told her he was hoping it was the other girl. She also told me she got like 50+ hookup requests a day on pof.com.

    Thing is the girls who also get a lot of messages... if it is not a hookup, it's a message that is overly emotional and comes off extremely insecure and weird because of the simple fact that the guy has not even met the girl yet. These are the types of guys that message all the attractive women and then claim that it's all about the personality. If this was the case, they'd have no problem messaging one of the 300lb girls who can't get any messages.

    There are also girls who don't read the messages themselves and will read the profile instead. So you could write a good message but if you're profile's no good it won't get read. Good photos are also insanely critical. People are very visual.

    I would assume the girls who are on the site who are several months on the site are either going on dates and just not clicking, or too hesitant to meet anyone due to bad meets, or they are just really picky.

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    • Interesting, thanks. What would be a good first message? I tend to write "Hey, I liked your profile", then mention something we have in common, maybe give a little more info about myself, and ask her a question. No more than three or four sentences. Also, what did you write in your profile that you think made those girls more likely to respond to your message?

    • The photos are key unfortunately. If you can throw in humor it really helps. Make it an honest profile and avoid anything "clich?" like "I'm a nice guy looking for a good girl." If the statement is negative, flip it around.

      Your messages have a good balance. Include her name if possible and it can make her feel like you're not spamming the website with a cut and paste message.

      You'll still have to message a number of girls to get a reply even with all this.

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