Why Can't I Feel Anything With The Guys I Date?

Well I do feel SOMETHING. Awkwardness, discomfort, disinterest. I'll kiss them and there will be no spark, no feeling. It's just simply pressing my lips to someone else's. I want to feel something, I try to feel something but after a month of dating I usually throw in the towel. Sometimes I think I'm not even attracted to guys... I mean I am attracted to them, just not when I'm in a relationship with one.

I don't know what's wrong, I try so hard to make it work, to feel something. But then I just feel guilty for wasting his time when there's nothing there.

I want a boyfriend but every time I have one I just can't feel anything with him. What am I doing wrong? I date incredible guys. They're nice, they're amazing and I want so badly to feel something for them but I try and I fail.

How can I correct the situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 2 words friend zoned you friend zoned us true good men/nice guys like myself then you go right after jerks,scumbags,a**holes and many other bad men and bastards because 3 things turn you on when dating bad men and they are drama,challenge and mystery don't say you don't you want what you can't have or as they would say you try to change the guy into the guy you want him to be not accepting him for who he is or as articals could say you want to change him into your ideal man.

    If this is not you then I'm not aiming at you I am talking about the ones who do and I am not generalizing and no I'm not stereotyping I'm only speaking in general and in most cases anyway to answer your question step 1. never date bad men date us true good men right from the start never I mean ever friend zoned good men or that tells him you want jerks.

    Step 2. be completely honest with him and with yourself and if you choose to date jerks then tell him only like jerks who hits me or tell him I hate you then at least he knows the truth and don't complain about jerks no good men around and finally step 3.don't ever let your friends influence you who you date and if that guy is a jerk.

    Then you need to fix the problem you have the power to end it no crying to nice guys/good men who you rejected no bitching,moaning about no good men around and if you do then like I said 2 words friend zoned you put him there and if he have no chance with you then he have to act like a boyfriend by being a jerk to get you I can go on and on about this it's kinda difficult to explain so I leave it here for now.

    And before you jump my throat or jump to conclusion read the whole thing before you reply/comment my answer and my answer is just part of what's happening and what happen to nice guys/good men like myself thanks for reading I hope this shine some light on this subject or at least part of it and good luck you'll gonna need it :).

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    • Well I'm repulsed by jerks. If I find out a guy is a jerk I won't even give him the time of day. A guy has to be nice for me to date him in the first place. thanks for the advice though. If a guy ever hit me I would be completely surprised by it because I would never have expected it from him if I'm dating him. And if he did I'd leave that second and never look back. No excuses, no second chances. Just goodbye.

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    • and make up excuses for his behaviors that's why I ask please don't act like that

    • It wasn't me, honest. I don't see any point in either of those, I just respond with an answer instead.

What Guys Said 7

  • I don't know if your situation is the same as mine, but I'm a bit worried about this myself.

    I've been dating this girl I met online for about a month now. We have tons of the same interests and can relate on so many different levels. We even have things in common with our backgrounds and education, and she makes for an awesome friend (the first girl I could ever take turns playing Metal Gear Solid with, even)...

    But I'm not really physically attracted to her and I have no idea how she feels about me. I'm only half an inch taller (if even that) and I've heard wayy too often that girls want guys who tower over them. In addition, she is a little on the heavier side and I am a little on the skinnier side. So I can't help but wonder if she ever thinks to herself "I cannot see this guy ever being on top of me", given what other GAG girls have said. I find myself wondering if we are both in a relationship now where we are just afraid to hurt each others feelings about not being physically attracted to each other because we are too mentally attracted -friends who don't really want benefits.

    We've had some awkward French kisses thanks in part to my inexperience, and I am starting to worry that we will never even get to second base.

    You shouldn't try to change people -I know! But if she could be more comfortable with her body and maybe a little more intimate with me I'd feel more comfortable with getting intimate with her. If she cannot do that, I hope that she at least would be interested in working out with me -but her schedule is busy enough as it is with her commuting distance and I couldn't be so rude as to make such a suggestion.

    If I was a stone-cold jerk, I would straight up ask her if she is attracted to me. If she is then I would tell her to join me in working out or things wouldn't work out. But honestly I don't want to hurt her feelings just because I'm not physically attracted to her; I hate being a jerk.

    All I want is for a girl who can have things in common with me, be sexually attractive to me, and also be sexually attracted to me. This girl is either one or 2 of those things =(

    I'm sorry I can't give you any direct advice, but I hope my rant at least gave you a male perspective of a similar situation.

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    • Well you can be honest with someone without being a jerk. Ask her how she feels about you, be direct. If she just wants to be friends, problem solved. You can say you agree and go on from there. If she says she is attracted to you, then tell her what you like about her. Her eyes, her hair. And if you want her to work out with you, suggest it as a bonding thing, not because you think she needs to lose weight. "Hey, I think it would be a great way to spend more time with you and just talk."

    • So the first thing to do is ask her how she feels about me...

      That feels easier said than done, but I guess there's no real way around it.

      She's an awesome friend, but friends are just friends; I need some passion in my life.

  • How do your dates usually go? How well do you know each other? I'd recommend holding off on that first kiss until after it's "official". I say this because it's as if you're trying to make things happen.

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    • The dates usually go well, especially when we're with other people. They go well, and sometimes they're comfortable, but too comfortable. like I'm with my brother or something rather than actually on a date. Most of the time I don't even want to really kiss them. If it's casual then I usually do. I feel like a lot is expected of me when I'm a girlfriend.

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    • @ DragonLord I do usually talk to the guy I'm dating about how I'm feeling. I hate not knowing where I stand with someone, so I'd never make a guy guess where he stands with me. As I said I don't like to waste time and he's always aware of my feelings. I just like to be sure that I really don't feel anything for him. But he always has the option to walk away at any time if he doesn't want to wait with me. Most guys just tell me they'll wait.

    • @QA ouch sorry to hear that but at least you're honest about how you felt was he completely honest too and yes like what people would say it's a 2 way street

  • Start dating guys who engage you on an intellectual level vs. just wanting to date your body.

    There's a reason they say "he f***ed my BRAINS out"

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  • Strange situation, I understand men and women are different. Maybe deep down, you don't want a bf? Or maybe your just scared of getting hurt?

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    • I do and I don't. I want a guy who it feel easy to be with. No pressure, no pretenses, where I can just be me and we can be honest. And I mean, who isn't afraid of getting hurt? I know it's worth the risk sometimes but I haven't found anyone I really want to risk that for.

  • I know EXACTLY how you feel! I have a similar problem...I put it down to the fact that I just don't love the girl...

    there was only one girl I feel that I have ever loved...whenever we were together I always had butterflies and I got all excited every single time she sent me a text lol. I want to find someone who gives me those feelings again but nobody has come along since. All I can suggest to you is to just keep trying to meet new people and when you meet the one you will know because it will feel special when you connect :)

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    • Well I hope you do find love again. And maybe that's it. For me, I don't know that I want to be in love. I want to feel something but maybe not something as intense as falling in love. Just something more than I'm feeling now.

    • To want to feel it is okay. You're not alone. Many women don't feel anything for their boyfriends. You seem to be way more moral about it and not waste their time. Some girls just want to f*** however. Might I ask, have you ever been in love? And also have you had casual sex - how does that make you feel?

    • I started to fall for a guy once, but I made myself stop. I didn't want to be in love so before my feelings could get any more intense I walked away. I just couldn't do it. He obviously didn't want me in love with him anyway. and no, I've never had sex at all. I don't really want to either, I usually go as far as kissing and stop there. Too much intimacy just freaks me out.

  • There's nothing wrong.

    Perhaps, you're just not into romantic relationships at the moment.

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  • Have you tried dating girls?

    Maybe your body knows something about you that your brain won't accept just yet.

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    • I'm not really attracted to girls. I like muscles and broad shoulders, and five o clock shadows. Physically I really am attracted to guys but then when I'm dating one seriously it just goes away. The only time I stayed attracted to a guy was when we were casually dating. I didn't see other people but I liked knowing I had the option I guess.

What Girls Said 7

  • You can date mr perfect but if there's no spark it just won't happen. That's not your fault, it's not their fault, it's just that you don't match with them. You can't force yourself to feel something, same as you can't shut yourself off if you do. There's not really much you can do to correct the situation, just get to know the guys better before you date them or get into a relationship with them, because you can't really start a relationship without a good basis of knowing someone. I know, dating is trying to get to know someone better but I'd say get to know them before you start dating :)

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    • Thank you for your advice and I do believe you are very right. I do tend to jump into it after just a couple weeks. I'm afraid to wait too long because I don't want to friend zone them but I end up doing it anyway. Ah well, thank you so much. You've been very helpful and I will give it a try. :)

    • Some couples get together after years of friendship. So it's not because you "friend zone" him, that nothing will ever happen.

  • I had this strange situation too :/ Only ONCE did I feel something and it was more recently (about a year ago) I don't know why but I was so in love and fell hard and quickly. Unfortunately, things didn't work out. So at least I know it is possible :) lol

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  • SAME boat. I completely understand and have felt crazy myself. I even got to a point where I thought I was interested in girls since there was no guy that sparked my interest. For me I realized that it takes A LOT for me to be comfortable with someone enough to open up. Also think about chemistry and attraction, some people just date people for filling a gap while others need that chemistry. It takes a LONG time to find chemistry. How do I know that. My ex and I had great chemistry and for the first time in two years I finally have chemistry with another guy. You just need to be patient more and the whole meeting guys in bar thing just doesn't work. Keep on treking girl and good luck!

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    • I like this advice, very deep. And very helpfull to the question asker. I guess for guys, if we are attracted to you visually, we are eager to get to know you, while women are different. I admit I have much to learn! But I'll get there, lol. Meeting people in general isn't easy but hopefully all of us one day will find that special person

  • Do not feel sorry for that, it means you haven't meet your Mr.right.

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  • Do you try to avoid the physical side of things because you're unsure about how to do it or because you don't like the idea of it?

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    • I don't like the idea of it, in all honestly. It's the commitment part of it, but I'm not one who can be casually intimate either. So either way I'm uncomfortable.

  • You just need time to adjust. So when you're with a guy you only see him as a good f*** buddy?

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    • No, actually sex kind of terrifies me. I try to stay away from anything too sexual in a relationship and I do my best to not even make the guy think I want sex.

    • So now that I've read this comment your story finally makes sense.

      The reason you never feel any spark is because you are asexual.

      You should try finding an asexual boyfriend; they may be rare, but they do exist. Sexual boyfriends will probably realize they are never going to be able to physically make love with you and friend-zone you (or vice-versa when they tell you they want to get physically intimate).

      Actually, if you don't want sex then you should be fine with just having friends.

    • Okay well the act of the sex doesn't terrify me. I get urges like anyone else. It's the intimacy involved, the surrender of the body, the commitment to the act. The trust that it takes to give yourself to someone. I've always taken sex very seriously and it's just scary to trust someone that much I guess. Then there's STDs and pregnancy to worry about. That's what terrifies me. The surrender.

  • You haven't found the right guy.

    Just because a guy is nice and cute doesn't mean you will feel chemistry with him.

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