Why is it that when I show less interest, I get more attention?

I chased the girl for a good amount a few years ago. Got a couple dates out of it, but after that she was trying to get rid of me.

Fast forward to now: I rarely initiate conversation with her, go out of my way to talk to her, don't respond to her texts (this is a big one...before I used to put so much thought into what I text her, now she'll text me sometimes and I won't even respond) and she's trying hard (or at least harder than before) to initiate things.

And we're in our mid twenties. Is this always how it is?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're showing more back bone now, by not being at her beck and call all the time.

    • again, I have to say, the texting thing is huge. I used to always try to come up with something witty and clever, always look forward to her texts. Now I've put zero effort in by not even bothering to respond.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Could be she just grew up and wants different things than she did a few years ago. I wouldn't say that's always how it is, but sometimes people change who they're interested in.

  • you're more mature now and not so needy maybe she always kinda liked you but didn't like that you were so desperate before and she found that unattractive?


What Guys Said 1

  • Yea, you were giving her all the attention in the world and she liked it. People like attention lol. Once that attention stops and she realized you aren't making her your priority, she starts to miss it and will want to get attention from you again.

    • but see, like you said, I figure that all she wants is the attention. And as soon as I give it, she'll drop me again. Therefore, I still don't give it even if she wants it.

    • I wouldn't either. If she wants you to chase her and expect not to get anything out of it relationship wise or whatever you're after, then ignore her, she is just wasting your time by being immature.