Will I look like a bitch if I do this for her?

Ok well there's a girl I'm dating, and I know she is the type that feels appreciated when you DO something for her.

Ok so she's asked me a few times if I know how to do yard, she wants her yard re done. I told her yes, I do, but we are only dating, I don't do stuff like that unless I'm in a relationship because I don't like getting used.

Well she tells me the other day "My ex is trying to get back with me and he's telling me all the right things... like he wants to do my backyard but I don't know if I want him in my house..."

Will I look like a giant wuss if I now all of a sudden do her yard?

Updates:
It's number 3 - she actually told me that she's been thinking of giving him a second chance, but not sure she is going to. I told her to figure it out.
Well he's actually away in another state so they aren't spending time together, she also said he's just texting her a lot but they don't talk, he's just making a lot of promises to her and it's making her think, because if he makes good on them she's considering it.


Yeah there are games here.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This could fall into a few categories.

    Possibility 1:

    Perhaps one, she wants the work done and knowing you're capable of doing it is genuinely asking you to do it as a favor. Though I really don't know enough about her or your situation to really validate this particular theory.

    Possibility 2:

    Another potential is she wants you to do it, but she's testing you to see how much she can push you. To conveniently factor in the ex boyfriend is definitely a sign where she may be employing some manipulative tactics. One good thing (if it is indeed true) is the fact that she stated "I don't know if I want him in my house." It clearly could be an indication that is confirming this theory.

    If they did indeed part under hostile terms then she is possibly thinking she can force your hand by getting you to cave and do the yard to take away the ex option all together. Even then I would not really do the yard simply because for one, it could be the start of your downfall as if she can always bring up an ex to get you to do things, she already knows that is a great trump card to play.

    In this case I would try and get her to open up more about this ex and perhaps she will slip and give you confirmation of how things ended between them. Whatever you do don't jump in and do the yard work.

    Additionally, once you figure all of that out, I would inform her not to make comparisons or threats regarding her ex and you. Remind her she is now dating you and the past should remain in the past.

    Possibility 3:

    Finally, if it is indeed valid that her ex is trying to get back with (and she is actually considering it) then chances are, since they have a history that is most likely stronger than the history you two share (being that you're still just dating her) then I don't think any amount of yard work will make her favor you over him so it will all be in vain anyway.

    Though of all the variables, I really seem to lean on the possibility of the second one. Either way I think you need to stand firm on your decision not to do the yard work. If she doesn't like it, but respects it, then all is well and she will realize that the ex trump card won't work with you. If she continues to date you she will have a renewed respect for you and will most likely not try that particular angle again. If she decides to stop dating you, then it shows that she has some issues and they were most likely going to surface sooner or later, so better sooner than later.

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    • It's number 3 - she actually told me that she's been thinking of giving him a second chance, but not sure she is going to. I told her to figure it out.

    • Show All
    • Well he's actually away in another state so they aren't spending time together, she also said he's just texting her a lot but they don't talk, he's just making a lot of promises to her and it's making her think, because if he makes good on them she's considering it.

      Yeah there are games here.

    • She hasn't gotten any closure and was merely just "trying" to move on. She definitely needs closure but won't get any if she's clinging on hope of his words. Also further makes me question why she would even mention that he was willing to do her yard work when he isn't close enough to even do it. I really don't see him taking a long distance trip just to do yard work. I really think it's best you test the waters while she decides whether to cling to hope or close the chapter.

What Girls Said 4

  • it sounds like she's trying to take advantage of you by mentioning her ex. I hate when I get pressured into doing labor when it's really not my responsibility in the first place. there's a difference between volunteering to help and then being manipuated into helping someone.

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  • Personally I think it's a little weird that she hints that she wants YOU to do it, and when you don't jump at the chance, she mentions that her ex is willing to.

    If I were you I'd find something ELSE nice to do for her, like bring her flowers, take her out on a really fun date etc., to sort of feel out the situation. You don't want to end up being used.

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  • Pfft! WALK AWAY - FAST! Your whole first sentence screamed "USER" - only feels appreciated if you do something for her? BIG RED FLAG! I don't give a rat's if she is drop dead gorgeous, value yourself first and foremost!

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  • Yes, you would. DON'T.

    You should give what you're willing to give, not what you feel forced to give.

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What Guys Said 3

  • If she's even THINKING of maybe going back to her ex, you need to ditch this woman. There are other women out there who are loyal.

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  • you already look like one and a wuss too

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  • Since she told you about that, it sounds like she is trying to force your hand in my opinion.

    I wouldn't do it because I would have the same worry that you have. Either way, she's a user. It will be you or him.

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