Tables have turned on her. Should I feel bad?

There's a girl who I pursued for a few months a couple years ago. Now she's around again, but I've stopped pursuing her. I don't go out of my way to initiate conversations, I don't initiate texts or tease her or any of the things I used to do.

So now she tries to initiate (she almost never did before) and when she texts me, I don't even respond now. This is a big difference from before when I used to try to come up with something clever in response.

It feels cold-blooded and the nice-guy in me feels bad, but to be honest, I wasn't getting anywhere with her so I knew that it was finally time to cut the cord. Should I feel bad? Or satisfied knowing that all she wanted was my attention?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it all depends on what you want to get. Are you now completely uninterested in her? Would you like a friendship? Whould you be up for a relationship? (it doesn't sound like the latter).

    It's not about feeling good because now she's the one in misery. I mean, that doesn't sound too mature. Then again, you're young and it might seem like justice to you, but in the long run, all you can feel good about is knowing that you're worth someone's effort, and that you did everything you could atfer being clear with her.

    Have you been clear with her? If you're just toying her around, making her believe you're there for her or that you harbor even a small chance for a date and you aren't/don't, then tell her so. Don't waste your time thinking about this and don't waste her time in case she's now interested. Girls can change their mind and maybe she now sees you differently. If you really don't care about her then tell her so, but if you want to get somewhere with her, then don't blow it.

    The nice guy in you should tell her what you think as honest as possible. Avoid all mind games that could hurt either of you.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I totally agree with blue wind...did you have all the facts to why she was behaving that way?. Instead you acted out of Fustration seemingly. It almost sounds as if Ur regretting the decision you made?. Two wrong don't make a right...even tho it feels good but in Ur case no one wins.

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    • well, I poured in half a year of chasing her. We got two dates out of it. And then when she was around again, I again initiated chasing and contact...and got nothing. So what else do I do? Throw myself to the wolves again by starting the process over?

  • Were you really honest with her about your interest? Maybe she's shy, maybe she over thought the situation, etc.

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    • We went on a couple dates.

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    • How did she try to get rid of you?

    • made excuses not to meet me. eventually I got the hint.

  • Maybe she wants more than attention from you, have you asked her about it? (present day?)

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  • If a girl is purposely trying to get your attention now, it means she does like you. Sometimes girls are to shy or naive to understand that a guy likes her. I'm in a similar situation like this. This guy I liked two years ago who would tease me and flirt with me in our class. We sat next to each other, so we always talked, but I assumed it was just friendly. The thing was, I had this huge crush on him, but I thought he didn't feel the same, so I just ignored it and tried to be friendly. I was really shy about my feelings, so I would always deny it whenever my friend said that me and him would be a cute couple. But just this year, I've been texting and talking to him a lot because I finally had the guts to try and initiate something , and he won't talk to me anymore. From a girl's perspective, it is a really hurtful thing to do because she seems to really like you, and ignoring her will make her doubt herself and lower her self esteem. She will feel really bad knowing that she put herself out there only to be ignored. She'll start thinking that you never really liked her in the first place, and it will make her feel really stupid. So tell her if you do like her, or tell her if you dont. Just don't leave her hanging in the middle, because that will really hurt her feelings. And who knows, maybe she likes you and you showing interest back might lead you to a great relationship.

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    • thing is, two years ago I DID show interest. I asked her out a couple times. We went on a couple dates. After that she made excuses and didn't want to meet me anymore.

    • Then I suggest not to pursue her again. If she's not giving you her attention, and if she's really treating you this badly, don't stick around. You'll only end up getting hurt if you do. The majority of girls are not like this, so you will find a girl you deserve. Don't stick around for her if she's not willing to treat you like a human being with feelings. I'm sorry things didn't work out, but its probably the best to leave her.

  • No you shouldn't feel bad if this is the outcome you were looking for.

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  • Please don´t do this to that girl. If you really like her, show her at least some attention, otherwise she is making a fool of her and then she can stop it. I think she liked you, but as you didn´t make a move, she wasn´t sure how she should react. Maybe she didn´t even realize you are into her..

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  • Ha ha I just posted a question that sort of pertains to the situation you're in. This guy gave me all this attention and teasing, flirting. I thought he, in reality, was joking. Because he never asked me out. So I gave him the cold shoulder and didn't really flirt back. And now I'm really trying to be nice( like your girl) . I initiate conversations now when I see him. And, frankly, I don't think he's buying it. Sort of like you. He just half smiles and has this really surprised look on his face.

    But I'm telling you the truth. I WAS sincere the whole time he was flirting with me. I really did like him but I so shy and so scared of getting hurt, I played the hard to get game. And now I'm trying to convince hin that I really sincerely do like him. Like your girl is doing.

    I'm with the rest of the answerers on here. Don't assume its because she was just looking for attention. There are so many other reasons it could have been.

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    • well, when I chased her, we actually went out on a couple dates. After that, she tried to get rid of me.

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    • I?m also in a same situation as you are.. I hate when guys do this.

    • benvenutta- you mean you gave a guy the cold shoulder at first and now you are trying to be really nice to him and he's not buying it?

What Guys Said 3

  • It's not a matter of how you SHOULD feel, but rather a matter of how you DO feel. If you want to keep the "cord cut" so to speak, then you should continue as you are. If you want to be in a potential relationship with her, then maybe you should put in some effort. You can also try to be friends with her and at the very least talk with her :P

    It all depends on what you want out of the situation.

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    • but that was the problem. I put all the effort in before and got nothing out of it. If I start letting up, I'll be in the same situation again.

  • Why should you feel bad? She wasn't interested and/or was just playing games. The girl isn't relationship material so what is there to feel bad about. She will get the memo and stop eventually. But remember, be a man and don't cave because if you do you will just be rewarding her bad behavior.

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  • B & D.

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