Online dating; good idea or not?

I'm seriously thinking about trying online dating. I've been single for two years and would like to date again. Several good friends of mine have tried it and found good relationships. I don't meet very many new guys, everyone in my office is 20 years or more older than me. I'm not into the party scene, I only go out to a bar for dancing about once every other month. I am in university, almost done my degree but my program is tiny, there's only 90 of us so meeting someone through school hasn't really worked for me. My hometown is rather remote and most people, myself included, work 50 hours plus so other than the party scene, there isn't much of a chance to meet many new guys my age.

I'm 20, average looking and well, my friends believe that if I just met more guys (as in ones that I haven't known since kindergarden!) I could probably find a good guy. Is online dating worth a try?

Because what I'm doing right now is obviously not going to help me... I can tell you right now that unless some guy under the age of 30 walks right in my office or I meet him at the grocery store... I'm going to see the same 20 faces all summer.

Updates:
Wanted to update this. I made a profile with the help of my friends. So far its okay. My friends showed me how to make my settings so that not just anyone could message me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My sister met her boyfriend online, my friend met his wife online, my co-worker met his wife online, and I met the first girl I have ever dated online (have been dating for one month now).

    Here's the thing about online dating: almost EVERYONE who makes a profile says they are embarrassed to do online dating. It's the 21st century -who the f*** cares any more? If anything I'd say it's less incestuous than only sticking with people you know (what if everyone you know sucks?)!

    Here's my advice for online dating (give it a try before you judge -duh!):

    1) Make a profile and fill out as much as you can about your interest and goals; don't be skimpy or guys will only judge you based on how pretty you are in your photos. I never date girls who don't have anything in common with me or don't write anything because I figure they are only interested in sex and just post pretty pictures only.

    2) Don't wait for guys to message you first. If you do that then some guys will be forever out of your reach due to the fact that they might be looking at other girls first.

    3) Make your intentions clear: a lot of guys and a lot of girls (surprisingly) go to online dating sites just to find f*** buddies.

    4) Keep things casual and do not play 20 questions on the first date; if you play 20 questions then you aren't looking for a date -you are just screening people who will begin to think you are stuck-up. Just treat the date like you are meeting a friend you haven't seen in a long time or something.

    5) Don't lie on your profile. All that does is piss people off when they learn how you really are.

    If you follow those rules you are automatically better than 50% of the girls online (meaning I wouldn't skip over your profile when looking for girls to message and I would be trying hard to land a second date with you since you clearly have things in common with me listed on your profile).

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    • 6) Make a separate email address for online dating purposes. Do not associate it with yourself ever. I talk with everyone via site messages and then e-mails using my pen-name.

      7) Don't give your number out until the day before you have your date.

    • Thank you! Very helpful. I might just try it. Thanks for the heads-up on the second email, will do that. My main concern is having a rather unique name... so definitely going with pen name.

What Guys Said 10

  • It's worth a shot if you can put up with all the perverted messages guys send out.

    Just meet and greet is what I suggest. If he wrote you something coherent and his profile is in good shape, just meet quickly. Do not have all these long 50+ message convos because you'll just meet up and find out you two are totally different on paper than in person. Drive yourself to and from your dates and stay public until you feel safe.

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    • That's sort of what I'd want to do. There's a few nice public, low-pressure spots around here that I'd use. I always drive myself.

  • Despite the fact that I've recently met someone who may be awesome on OkCupid, I'm STILL going to say bad idea. I talked with probably a total of 100 girls over the year online and 95 of them were messed up in some way, and about 75 stopped talking to me as soon as they saw my pic. Others stopped talking to me when they found out I'm not loaded, since when they say "must have a job" they don't just mean a job, they mean "must be able to buy me expensive jewelry". And most of the ones who kept talking to me after seeing my pic and knowing I'm not rich ended up giving me a weird, creepy vibe, one that I can't explain. The person I've met recently seems awesome, but I've been on OkCupid since 2006 or 2007 and other dating sites here and there and I've yet to determine if I actually met someone awesome or if I'm just gonna get hurt again.

    So basically, online dating is not even a crapshoot, it's a slot machine, you pull the lever thousands of times losing and losing until you actually win something.

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  • Word for the wise:

    Don't get all excited if you have 30+ guys messaging you in a day. For every girl that gets 30 messages, there's a single guy sending out 30 messages. -_- Also, expecting them to write long, heartfelt messages is just going to leave you dissatisfied, because, well, they've gotta sort through an entire site full of potential matches who are probably just going to reject them, OR ask them to get to know each other better before they give up their phone number, end up talking for 3 months and then forget all about each other.

    This is essentially the premise of online dating. Pointless bullsh*t smalltalk in the hopes of finding someone you can relate to, attempting to learn all about them before even sitting down for dinner out of fear that they could somehow rape and murder you, and then forgetting all about them and getting caught up in the next hot thing that messages you realizing you could have better. But in the end, its just you, alone on a computer with a bottle of scotch. Wasting your f***ing time.

    As a girl you might be able to avoid this. But I doubt you're comfortable giving your phone number to random strangers, which is what you'll have to do if you actually want to take your interaction offline. So, you'll probably just use it to flatter your ego with all the perverted guys asking if you want to have sex with them. Or getting angry at guys who somehow lack manners. Or bitching about those guys to the one guy who can actually have a conversation to the point where he's driven away from you, because hey, you might be hot, but GOD, you're a bitch.

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    • I'm alright with dealing with messages... this site here kind of can be like that. Well giving out my number right away might not happen (as in not the first message) but otherwise, its no different that giving out at a bar.

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    • I am assuming all girls are like that because ALL girls are like that. I haven't experienced one that isn't. I'm a pretty attractive guy with a pretty attractive career and I'm not too bad in the personality department. As someone who tends to get phone numbers pretty easy in person, I have not gotten a SINGLE phone number from online dating. So sure, there might be a few worthwhile women. But its such a low number that its easier and more effective not to even bother.

    • So its mainly been just all the girls you've run into. So far working out well. The guy I met last night (got along really well!), he gave me his number first but he did end up with mine. The other one asked for and got mine first.

  • My friends dating a girl from match.com and his sister got married to a guy she met on Match.com. the site probably do work but I am sure there's tons of men out there that use the site for sex. So be careful. Find someone that likes to do the things you do for fun. I love to camp, and love outdoors, so my girlfriend better like that too.

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    • Thank you. Yes, I'm aware. But the same thing happens to me at a bar, LOL. I will be careful, some of my best friends found their guys online and they're going to help me out if I decide to do it. I definitely want someone with similar interests.

    • Do it and have your girlfriend go to same restaurant and after sitting at table tell the guy you have to go to bathroom then when you and your girlfriends chat about him. Your only 20, don't worry you will find the right guy for yourself.

    • That's a good idea. I think that's what we'll end up doing. I hope so, got plenty of time :)

  • I'm 50/50 I wanna believe they work but at the same time I believe its all a money/marketing scam. And its easier to be female on those sites then male. I recently joined match,com and said I made around $100k a year which is not true, live off a social security income (SSI). I get around 24 new matches each day, if I was to tell them my real income I wouldn't get no response.

    And my use name on there is touglytodate but that doesn't stop women from responding I wonder why.

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  • I've tried it, and from my perspective, it has failed! I wouldn't suggest online dating. Go after people in your hometown or nearby! You'll really want the physical part of the relationship, and you won't get that in an online relationship!

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    • I'd be meeting local guys, so not truly online.

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    • That's what I'm doing, did end up making a profile with the help of my girlfriends. Actually meeting one guy this weekend while my friend and I head to the city, turns out he's the older brother of a guy I go to school with and my friend knows most of his friends, she's not sure but might have met him before.

    • Awesome! Good luck, and I hope everything goes well ^.^

  • if I may ask what kind of guys are you allowing to message you on those dating sites?

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    • Sure. We set it up so that its only guys 20-25, local (you can set a mileage range) that hasn't been flagged for wanting intimate encounters, and if they want to send me a message, it has to be more than 50 characters (so no "hey, wanna chat?"). My friends had the same settings. So far that's been working okay.

    • Gotcha good luck.

  • It wouldn't work for me personally. It works for other people, but it won't work for me. This is because if I look for someone, I need to see their personality with my own eyes, so I can use my perception to tell whether or not she (future partner) is a good person. I need to see if she has similar values and morals, such as respect, integrity, honesty, kindness, compassion, etc. Furthermore, not only must she believe in such things, she must also practice what she believes in. So this is very hard to find out on an online site.

    Futhermore, there are many people that don't use online sites. I'll find that some of the very religious, the modest ones and the ones that don't use technology to date, are the ones that I won't know about if I use an online dating site. Also, I would want anyone who I choose to be with to be able to see me, instead of seeing me and then deciding that she doesn't like me (if I used a dating site).

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  • Go for it, especially if it's a free service, like OKCupid or Plenty of Fish.

    The problem for girls is that they get a lot of messages. But, most of them are along the lines of "Hey baby wuu2". The prettiest girls can get 100 messages a day or more. Even an average girl will probably get a few a week. If you think you can spare 5 to 10 minutes a day weeding out the time-wasters, then online dating can be helpful. You're more likely to meet someone with matching interests and personality than in 'the real world'. Even in a big city, going to bars and parties and so on would be a really inefficient way of trying to meet potential partners.

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    • I can't stand parties and my favorite bar isn't a place where you meet people (not that I go often and if I do, its with my girlfriends). My friends suggested POF, that's what they used. I'm quite good at deleting messages LOL.

  • It's a good idea, though the chances of success is small.

    You should just go out a lot, stroll a lot, and hit up on guys you find who's worth it.

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    • I know that success might not happen but at the same time... I think the chances could be better than they are right now.

What Girls Said 5

  • I personally am not into online dating. Its just because I am so old fashioned.

    I think that reading a person's words is so challenging. You can't really read the emotion behind it. Or you might interpret it wrong. However if you go up to someone and meet them in person you can really grasp the emotion and see if they are interested.

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    • I too prefer meeting in person but meeting new guys is really really hard. I'm not shy, I have no problem walking over and saying hello. But my hometown has about 800 people and I grew up with them... I know every guy there my age.

    • Hmm yea that is challenging. Who knows maybe there is someone in town then, if not it is quite possible there's a friend of your friend. Life has its mysteries

    • I was in the pub the other night... I knew every person in that place. Half of the people I went to high school with are married now or at least engaged. There might be someone but meeting them is really hard... as said working long hours out here is more than normal. When I worked in construction, I saw a grand total of 4 other people for 4 months. Literally didn't get a chance to go anywhere.

  • I suggest you try online dating, because now is very popular dating site, if you like older men can go to the agesingle.com dating, dating can also go to other web sites.

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  • You will meet people out of your circle so I think its a good idea.

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  • the thing about online dating is, its difficult to meet someone who has the same atituded towards dating as you do. But then again, that's how it is in real life too, just with online dating, there are loads and loads of guys to choose from, which equals loads and loads more guys to be disappointed in and that is why people say "online dating doesn't work", but it is actually not the website, its just everyones attitudes about dating that makes it difficult.

    A guy online will say that he wants a woman that he can be in a relationship with, and want to love her and wants kids someday, but then he will say, online dating freaks him out so he isn't gonna take this serious.

    He is even more gonna suspect you of being a weirdo because you are just "too good to be true" because "only losers use online dating" so then he is gonna put a whole lot of pressure on you to prove that you are not a crazy weirdo and then you are gonna be putting pressure on him to do the same because he is doing it to you. It just becomes very difficult for people to act natural.

    And its crazy because on one site I saw so many guys from my scool on there, it was practically like my whole school is on there. Some of the guys I already knew they were a**holes and creepers, well because I know them, but yet their profile says that they want to find love too.

    It just goes to show that you can meet the same creepers online as you can offline, but it definitely makes getting an actual date easy, you two just have to agree that you want to meet, but it doenst guarantee that the guy is gonna want to be in a relationship with you because the guy is an actual person too, just like you are. The website just brought you two together.

    If you decide to do it then you have to have a positive attitude about it, just as you would if you were to meet a guy in real life while talking in line at Star Bucks, and if you meet someone who doesn't have the same attittude about it as you, then hurry up and click the NEXT button, that way you will save yourself from disappointment and stressing about dating..

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    • Thank you. That is what I worry about, the stigma attached to online dating. One of my friends ran a search for my area (she has a profile) and the results were decent, quite a few guys close to my age (early 20s)... mostly ones went to the other schools in the district. I know how to deal with creepers, a "friend" gave my number to a guy because she thought we would be "cute" together.

    • @Answerer: You are doing it wrong!

      Don't play 20 questions on the first date; you should do all of your detective work BEFORE planning to meet for the date.

      And it's easy to dismiss people on the first date. I think things would be better for both daters if all of the dismissals occurred on the second date. First date rejections should only happen when people misrepresent themselves in their profiles or your date is CLEARLY an a**hole.

  • I know lots of people who have found successful relationships through online dating. At the very least, it can't hurt to see what's out there since there aren't other options at the moment. I tried online dating once when I'd been in a slump for a while. I didnt' end up with anybody from the site, but it did kind of bring the old mojo back and I got into a relationship soon after with someone I knew in person.

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