Two years ago I was dating this guy for about 4 months. Everything was going great, or so I thought. One morning I was on my way to work when he called me, only it wasn't him, it was his wife, that I had NO idea he had. I felt so awful about it, but she was surprisingly nice to me and understood that I didn't know he was married. I willingly told her anything she asked. He and I never spoke again. Well, now its 2 years later and he emailed me. Told me he is now divorced and has been thinking about me. We exchanged numerous emails and texts over the last few days. He wanted to see me, but given his history of lying I was too hesitant and said I would need more time. I did a quick online search and found out that not only is he still married but his wife is having their second baby in a few months. I emailed him saying I knew that and to please leave me alone. But this girl seemed so nice when I spoke to her and think she deserves to know. Should I tell her or stay away and mind my own business?
Should I tell his wife?
What Guys Said 24
Are you the kind of person who'd enter a dump area and rummage in trash if you assumed (not knew) there was something valuable in it? If yes then go on and tell her, if not then walk away.
1. They are having a 2nd child - good enough reason for you not rocking the boat even with a fact
2. She was nice to you - so she may have caught on to you and maybe others the same way. Clearly this guy doesn't or is not good at covering his tracks
3. They may have some kind of an open relationship (maybe not too)
4. Cause she was cool to you doesn't mean that she's gonna be cool back home
5. If she's having a 2nd child with him after 2 years of having spoken to you, then there's more than what meets the eye out there and I'm sure you don't want to find that out
6. If burning your fingers once isn't enough then please enter the fire ;) - I assume since you quit on that guy after you realized ;)2
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That's a tough call, with the baby on the way.
No, wait. It's an easy call. Imagine that poor kid going through a divorce in a few years when his or her dad gets found out again. I didn't cheat, however, it was still hell on my boy when his mother and I got divorced.
It would be better to tell her nothing has happened but he's up to his old tricks. If she has some way of dealing with it and will stay with him, at least she can stop him from acting out again. It's got to be easier dealing with a cheater when there's warning signs of another episode coming on.
If he can't get in your pants, he'll find someone else. Go ahead and let her know he's about to hurt her again. It's got to be better this way. He's not really into you, he's just into getting away with doing that to her.0
You run the risk of destroying his marriage if you tell her, but that isn't your fault that is the guy's fault... however, I would imagine that even if you turn him down he is probably going to look for something from some other women.
I do believe in the occasional white lie to avoid unecessary drama but this may require that you let this woman know. This guy needs to be exposed and she needs to know exactly what she's dealing with, because while you may save his marriage by keeping quiet, the issue of his philandering will never be dealt with if he never suffers any consequences.
I think in this case the truth is probably the best policy. I'd tell her.0
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I would tell her.
Tell her exactly what happened just like you wrote it here. Maybe she already knows, maybe she doesn't, but especially given how understanding she was in the beginning, she deserves to know the truth. It may hurt her, especially with a kid on the way, but it could also prevent her from being hurt much worse. Better to deal with the problem you know than be ran over by one you didn't see coming.0
It is tempting to tell her since she was not one of those psycho-stalker "creep in the window" type of people when she found out. On the other hand, it could open up more issues for you with the guy as well depending on how he takes it when he finds out you told her.
I know some people say "It's none of your business" but you are already kinda stuck in the situation now.0
well, no one cheats without a reason. Usually that reason is that they are unsatisfied with a current relationship, but don't have the "fortitude" to either ask for some sort of effort from their partner to satisfy them, or they know it's a lost cause to ask but don't have the logistics/backbone to break up with them anyway.
Regardless of whether or not she "needs" to know about him trying to cheat, I think the woman does need to know that her guy is unsatisfied enough to seek other opportunities.. Worst case scenario is you break them up, which sounds like you'd be doing them both a favor anyway..0
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Your options are ruin this persons life/marriage have the kids without a daddy and tangle yourself up in there drama or pretend that it never happend... Hmm tough choice I would go with option C the anonymous letter that leads to option A lol. In my opinion trying to establish a side relationship is messed up when you have a wife and kids so honestly this dude needs to learn karma is a bitch. you would want someone to tell you if that was your husband was cheating on you or trying to establish a relationship with someone else and he said him and his wife are divorced... It's all up to you0
First, the wife knows.
Second, I'd stay away from both of them. You are trying to fix the world. You don't know what arrangement they have made between themselves. You want to be a heroine by helping the wife. Spare everybody the drama. Do something positive with your life. Let this go. You are not the love police.0
Imo you're being too much of a "white knight moralist" here. They're divorced, and to be frank, she probably doesn't want to hear about what he EX husband is doing in his dating life.
P.S. Don't feel that you were somehow a catalyst in the end of their marriage; if he wasn't dating you, it would've been some other woman.0
By telling her, you are only going to hurt her. Is that what you want?
Giving him the benefit of doubt, maybe he only had a fling with you, and it was because you are so hot or gorgeous or beautiful or sexy or something!
So when his wife found out, he may have been faithful for a while.
Now, the memories return and he stupidly thinks that he can rekindle some of the passion you once shared?
If he does contact you again, ask him what he plans to do with his wife and new baby that you know all about.
Ask him if he thinks that you are some kind of fool to believe his lies?
Ask him if he thinks that you are some kind of fool to believe that he wouldn't do the same to you?
And then tell him that you will help his wife sue his pants off for alimony/maintenance as a witness to his infidelity if he ever even whispers one word to you!0
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Wow, someone give this guy a shovel, so he doesn't burry himself in lies!
But I agree, I'd want to know if my wife is claiming to be divorced, I could fulfill her wish !2
I would bitch him out and tell him to never contact you again. Their relationship is not your problem now. Stay away.0
let her know1
Yes she deserves to know, your doing the right thing, much respect.2
What twice-shy said.0
it's not your business.1
Just hope he doesn't get mad and come after you *shrugs*0
He is a scumbag. Tell her1
Why would you even talk to him after he cheated on his wife?
Cheating shows someones inner character and his is terrible.
Your mistake was replying to his followup email.1
That guy is my hero. Some day I wanna be just like him :') tell her don't tell her, doesn't matter he'll be up to his old tricks with her or wife #2.0
let her know... I'm amazed she's still having his baby after the first time... that guy is too much lol.
he wants you as his jump off and fbuddy while his wifey is at home preggo havin his kid3
Think you should ignore him and mind your own business, yeah the guys a flake and the wife is probably nice but its not really in your place to go light that fire. Also factor in they already have a baby.1
What Girls Said 7
I feel that she deserves to know. If I were her I would want to know, and I think on matter of principle it is important for her to know unless she has specifically indicated that she does not wish to be informed. It's possible that she does already know or that she is okay with it, and you don't want to be a drama queen, so make your communication with her short, respectful, and composed. But I do think she should know if she doesn't already. If I were in your position I would definitely inform her. And this time, I would ask her if she wants me to contact her if it happens again, or if she would prefer for me not to.1
I would have to tell her. You may stay away and mind your own business but I don't believe he will stop looking for someone besides his wife and YOU to lie to. And I believe she deserves to know. Just my opinion.3
I would tell her, simply because she had contact with you before.
Also, DO NOT get back with him, ever, even if he eventually is single. He is lying and cheating and horrible relationship material. That poor woman has his children, so she is likely stuck with him forever.
I know that if I were married, and gave some cheater-dolt a second chance after cheating, I would want to know if he "slipped" again. The truth is that cheating is not a "rough patch" you work through, or an "accident." It's feeling entitled and not being an adult about your relationship problems.0
TELL HER! Her husband is an idiot and needs to be dumped ASAP. Seriously, I effing hate cheaters. Either leave the relationship or stay faithful, but don't hurt the one you supposedly "love" by betraying them like that.
Think about this way: if he was your husband, would you want to know or be kept in the dark like some idiot? I would want to know then I'd leave him, taking everything with me. Omg, and I can't believe she stayed with him after the first time -___- Once a cheater always a cheater.0
I don't know what you should do but I want to say good for you for telling him no and to not contact you again. Everyone is so ready to attack the other woman but then don't say anything good for a woman like you who said no. Be proud of yourself.0
Yes. Tell her. She has the right to decide for herself what to do with the information.0
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