Why is dating so ridiculously hard?

So clearly I have some major issues with women since I can't get a date 9/10 times, and when I do they always fail on the second or third date even though the first date goes really well. It always feels like work--I always have to drive 98% of the conversation by asking questions about the person, or trying to make jokes, or trying to be interesting. If I don't drive the conversation, it's awkward because it gets quiet really fast. I've never had fun because its stressful trying to keep her engaged for an hour or two. By the second or third date I'm out of conversation material and it usually ends up with neither of us talking to each other again. I have no issues with confidence, and I've been told I'm an 8/10. The girls I ask out aren't even that attractive since I had to lower my standards exponentially to get a date in the first place. I think it really boils down to a lack of shared interests. I would enjoy talking about physics, politics, computer science, philosophy, or even news, but I realize that most girls find it really boring. SO far I've never even found a girl who would be willing to talk about more profound subjects; if they do, I'm sure it would be in a non dating context and I would be insta friend zoned. The last girl I was on a date with liked talking about hip hop, golf, and sports. I would rather stab myself in the eye with a javelin than talk about those subjects. I'm not trying to be sexist, but it seems like so many girls are just a rehash; they like to talk about celebrities, gossip, sports, mainstream music, or have boring emotional conversations. It also seems like every woman is religious and wants to wait till the f***ing 900th date to do anything sexual. And if you don't pay for the date, the girl will never even consider having sex. Dating is such bullcrap for men, and women have it way easier.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Alright, well... it's great that you want to find a relationship with a woman, but I think the problem here is that you're lowering your standards... You even admit to doing so... Would you really be happy being with a woman who has no similiar interests as you like you stated? Why not wait for the perfect woman who meets all of your needs?

    Then your problem would be solved.

    I also think that maybe you shouldn't do ALL of the chasing. If a girl is interested in you nowadays she will show some spark of interest, (staring at you, a smile, flirting) when a girl does those things then you should use your "manly powers" lol and go up to her and make the moves.. It should be her flirting with you then you flirting with her and there should be CHEMISTRY.

    I think your problem is you're jumping head long into something you already know isn't going to work but right now you're bored.. or you want a relationship so for the time being you're settling..

    Like I said.. I think your problem is not all of those things.. Your problem is patience... having an open mind lol (Because not every girl is going to want to have sex right away sometimes you do have to be patient lol).. and waiting for the right girl :P the one you TRULY want

    believe you can get her and don't settle for less just because you're bored or because you don't think its possible to meet the woman of your dreams

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    • I don't think it's unreasonable to lower your standards when your current standards aren't getting you anywhere. I would rather settle for a girl I didn't like that much than never get a girlfriend. The main issue is that true indicators of interest are very rare. A lot of people stare (guys and girls) because I'm super tall, not because they're attracted as I've learned the hard way. I don't think I could recognize "chemistry" even if it existed though; I haven't experienced it before.

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    • Yeah dating sites seem like a good idea. It's sad, but the world is not fair and I accept that. Maybe dating is not for everyone; it's just evolution happening in a contemporary setting, and those with inferior genes get weeded out one way or another.

    • hmm well sometimes people who may seem "inferior" are in relationships to :) I think it just takes waiting to meet the right person. People randomly bump into each other and fall in love usually xD!

What Girls Said 5

  • I think you said it best yourself. You just don't have any shared interests with these women you are meeting.

    I had this same problem when I was online. I would message a guy, leave a long, well-though out message and wouldn't get anything in return. Or a guy would message me interested, but then not know how to carry the conversation. I knew I didn't want to meet them because they wouldn't be able to carry a conversation in person. I don't want to feel like I am asking a million questions.

    Now, I'm a nerd and I usually have to write questions down that I want to ask ahead of time (I get nervous and forget :P). But still, I completely agree with you that these girls should be trying to ask questions as well.

    I think you just need to broaden your horizons. Find girls with similar interests. I know it's hard, but they are out there! You just need to find them (which is hard), but when you do, it's so worth it.

    But yes, finding a girl who meets all the above criteria is going to be hard. Maybe find someone who meets most of your criteria, or at least a liveable amount.

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    • What kind of questions do you usually ask? And how much do you think men should be driving the conversation? like 50/50, or maybe 60/40?

    • I think both people should be driving the conversation. It's going to be hard to find a person who is your exact equal. But a conversation should never be one-sided. As for questions: What type of stuff do you do in your spare time? What are some important qualities you want in a partner? Come up with questions around what is important to you.

  • whats wrong with being quiet for a while you don't need to talk every single second. you're too worried about performing and you're not just being in the moment getting to _know_someone which includes silence, which isn't achieved by talking nonstop.

    anyways you have quite the prejudiced view of women. probably comes through and this is why you're not clicking with anyone.

    instead of complaining no one shares your interests...try meeting someone at a political event if you wanna talk politics. or at a physics convention if you want to talk physics. or find someone watching the news and strike up a convo.

    its absurd for you to say most women anything because you don't even know1$% of al the women on earth.

    what is a bring emotional conversation in your opinion. because you just had a super long one right here. you're whole post is about how you feel. did that bore you?

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    • I obviously didn't have an emotional conversation because it was a monologue for starters. Although finding a girlfriend is emotional, my logic about obtaining a girlfriend is sound. Next, by most women I meant most women in the united states. Considering that MTV is one of the most popular networks, I would say my position is justified. Sorry that makes you upset, if you can't accept the reality. Finally, your suggestions are ridiculous considering that a physics convention is mostly male.

  • And also... if those girls are boring you so horribly.. Don't ever go on a date with them EVER again. You're probably giving them another chance but if you're bored don't expect to be much more excited unless you're willing to get to know them deep down as a person but if you 're so turned off by their personality lol that might not help either lol

    Find a girl that you can stand.. and that you want to spend time with...

    I think you should probably focus on working on yourself.. just so you can be happier and then the right girl will come around

    You just have to be patient and let life bring you to her

    Remember settling brings divorce but waiting for the right woman brings a lifetime of happiness :D

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  • You're dating the wrong girls; a lot of them are nothing like that.

    Easier said than done, I know. But with the right person it's not unpleasant and "work" like that.

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    • I've dealt with similar types of boring people. You just move on when they start being lame, lol :)

    • I'm starting to think it's just me that's boring

    • Of course you're going to start blaming yourself when you keep meeting bad matches. Just keep trying.

  • It seems like you are going out with girls that aren't putting forth much effort. That sh*t get's old. You need to find someone that likes you just as much as you like them.

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    • Thanks for the response. Why would women even accept the date if they aren't going to put in the effort? Free meal maybe?

    • just to do it..

What Guys Said 3

  • what makes it difficult is when

    you start over thinking things ^.~

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    • Can you elaborate? I would find it very useful if you told me how I was over thinking things.

    • you say "it feels like work", I say love should be natural

      and simple, real love doesn't require much thinking as you both

      love each other, if you feel you have to force yourself

      the girl you're with isn't worth it, just that ^.~

    • I don't really expect to find love in my lifetime due to my unusual personality. It's already tough finding girls who will accept a date. I'm worried that forcing it is inevitable in order for me to form any sort of relationship at all.

  • Well, it's hard since you are easily depressed, afraid, and fearful of rejection/embarrassment.

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    • Nothing I said implied I was depressed, afraid, or fearful. The fact that I asked out so many women is counter evidence.

    • Not true. I'm easily depressed, and afraid of rejection, and on Facebook and sometimes irl I ask girls out. Then on a date I run out of conversation topics. so I quit dating the normal way and started just hanging out with girls who are friends of friends and I try to date by talking casually with these girls until I discover I'm very close with one. So, I can't really explain to you how the above poster is right, but I'm just like you and I know he's right. I could have wrote the OP a month ago

    • Right, well what you're saying has some truth. Getting rejected a bunch of times is depressing for sure. I don't really have any friends who are girls though, so the dating scene is all I have. Would you recommend trying to befriend a girl first, and then trying to date her?

  • Never give up on your dreams.

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    • I think it needs a stronger term than dream; more like unrealistic fantasy.

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