Are my dating standards too high for women?

If I were to get back in the dating game (I haven't talked or approached a woman in 3 years). I would want her to be attractive with a nice personality, she can't smoke or drink, no kids, no male friends, and no crazy exes. Those are my standards, and I won't settle or change them until I find the woman I described. Are my standards way too high?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think that your standards are too high provided you can give her the same as what you are seeking from her. You know, be attractive, have a nice personality, no smoking or drinking, no kids, and no female friends or crazy exes.

    Realistically, if you were to get back into the dating game, just be prepared to be single for quite a long time. While some females don't smoke, a good percentage do drink socially, which will take them out of the running. Of those who don't smoke or drink, some will have a child, which will drop your selection even further. Few will have a crazy ex, which will drop the selection a little more. The biggest hit will be the no male friends, simply for the fact that if they're dating, they will run across males, some of which didn't make their cut for an "intimate" relationship but they do like them as friends. Not to mention, some females will have childhood or long term male friends.

    I think the real key to what you should seek should be the character of the woman and how she carries herself. Many women who do have male friends do not actually sleep with them. Perhaps your focus should be how she interacts with her male friends. If she appears to want to isolate them from you, spend time with them in a more personal setting, then yes, that's a red flag. However, if she incorporates you in every aspect of her life, including only associating with her male friends in public settings with you present, then realistically, I don't think you would have much to worry about.

    Too impose such rigorous standards is actually doing yourself more of a disservice than her because it EXTREMELY limits your options.

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    • Good, with those options limited I'll be closer to finding my dream woman.

What Girls Said 9

  • You standards are a bit high, yes. It'll be hard to find a women who fits all the things you listed, and specially the "no male friends" part. It's not hard to find a pretty woman without kids who doesn't smoke, drink, but adding the no male friends part is seriously cutting down the probability of finding someone.

    Since you don't want to compromise/lower those standards (and I'm not judging you for this), you have to realize there is a very slim chance for you to find someone.

    If you ever find a women like this, there is no guarantee she will want you, and even further there is no guarantee it'll work between the two of you should you start dating. This is why you risk waking up single several years after and realize you left the occasions go by.

    As long as you're OK with this risk, I guess it's alright. Otherwise, you should probably start compromising.

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    • I'll stick with my standards, If it means I'll be alone for a long time then so be it. I'm standing my ground

    • There's nothing wrong with that ^^ Anyway, I hope you'll find the woman of your dreams :)

  • I imagine that the'no male friends' bit is a standard too high for most girls. It's controlling. And demonstrates a lack of trust in your partner. Neither quality appealing.

    Maybe one day you'll find a girl who's down with never talking to another guy ever; but it does seem like a particularly high standard.

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  • Ohhh my god I have the same standards for a man and I haven't dated for 3 years. But I just won't date till the guy meets all these criteria s. I believe this is not good.

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  • Okay, I can understand why you have these standards, and it's a good thing to know exactly what you want. I myself am a very goal oriented person, and have a tendency to set my standards way high as well, (no smoking, no drinking, attractive etc.) but in the end, you can't help who you fall for. The only one that seems a little bit too unrealistic is that she can't have any male friends. That can be a bit controlling, and it's actually an insecure idea. There is no point in dating this perfect person if you can't even have trust in her. but that's the only one that I find out of sorts!

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    • You bet it is an insecure idea, girls with male friends will **** them. Sorry that's a no no.

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    • I don't see you getting hurt again, but that's just because any self respecting woman wouldn't put herself in a relationship with a broken person as you let insecurity and mistrust rule your life.

    • Swirves, nice try jackass but I wasn't asking for your opinion.

  • It breaks my heart to hear that you got hurt, because I.know that feeling. It sucks. Your standards aren't high, but I disagree with some parts. I don't like the no male friend rule and crazy exes rule. Why? You can't dictate who a person can or cannot be friends with. You have female friends, right? How would you feel if I was dating you, and I said no female friends allowed? Also, you can't blame a girl for having crazy exes. Its not her fault that he went loco. She can't control her ex. My question to you is, if you meet a girl and she meets every criteria, except one. Would you not date her? Remember, you have to keep an open mind, because no one is perfect.

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    • I do not have any female friends

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    • Where did you see anywhere in my comment about you chasing after anybody? Why don't you actually read my comment and then reply. Don't put words in my mouth!If you didn't plan on taking our advice, why you ask the damn question in the first place?

    • Because I ask any question I want on MY page! You don't have to answer.

  • No male friends is asking too much (given that they keep a respectable distance from each other) and no crazy exes is asking a lot, especially if the exes don't contact her anymore and she is completely done with them.

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  • You're OK with your standards, but I know no female who has no male friends.

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  • the no male friends is a high standard.

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  • That's not too bad. I fit that description minus the attractive part. I think the hardest thing might be finding a girl with no male friends. I'm pretty much the only girl I know that doesn't have any male friends.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Probably. You're insecure so probably not many women will be interested in you. There are plenty of women out there like that, I just doubt you can get them.

    In any case, what we suggest doesn't matter.

    What you need to do is actually approach women.

    If you are getting women who meet your standards (lots, not one, enough you can be seeing which ones you connect best with) your standards are not too high. If you can't get first dates with women like this, then yup, you need to up your attractiveness or change your standards, or continue being single.

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  • No male friends? Good luck finding a girl that is going to have absolutely no male friends, you sound too insecure trying to tell a girl that.

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    • That's what I want, and I'm not settling for anything less of that.

  • the no male friends is taking it too far

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  • Depends. If you look like this link you should be fine, however if you look like this link you're f***ed.

    Its hard to say how realistic your standards are as it depends on how attractive you are.

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  • Your standards are just average.

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