I feel like a scumbag? Why am I thinking of this?

I've been dating this girl for several months. She's dying from a disease called pheochromocytoma. I really love her and want to be by her side no matter what. We have been very distant with each other lately a lot (like since March) and we did talk about it last week (I know guys aren't suppose to talk about relationships) and she still loves me but she has a lot of **** going on back at home and she says she doesn't want to breakup and I'm giving her space, like I'm not texting her or calling her because it's considered clingy. She said that once she has the loose ends tied up that we'll be close like we were when we first started dating. Because of the distance though I feel as if I'm single because I'm looking at other girls but I don't want to cheat but it feels like it. I've broken up with girls in past but I don't want to break up with her because I really love her and don't want to end it because of my selfishness. Why am I thinking about other girls (like even thinking of dating those girls too)? I don't want to because I hate polygamy/cheating. I'm a dude too so why should I be worrying or caring the first place?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Keep in mind, sometimes a woman might say she needs space, but that doesn't mean you should stop talking to her altogether. Give her a text in the morning when you wake up and say something sweet like "Good morning, beautiful" and if she wants to respond, she can, whenever she feels like it :]

    As for how you're feeling, that's just a normal human emotion. Guys have the same emotions as women, we're just (generally) expected to not show them as much. You're just feeling a need for comfort and I'm guessing you're feeling a little helpless in regards to her health.

    My opinion is far from expert, but I wouldn't leave her or tell her how you've been feeling (simply because she has enough stress right now). Just send her a text in the morning (or leave a voice mail if you wake up before her and know the call won't wake her; that'd be infinitely more romantic if you can do that) and let her know you're there for her. :]

    And P.S. - Guys who talk about relatonships and are open about their feelings to their girlfriends are extremely mature. Its a stereotype to think that you're not supposed to have feelings or emotions and you're not supposed to talk about your relationship with your girlfriend.

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    • yeah you're not going to have much of a relationship if you think you're above discussing it.

What Girls Said 6

  • I think subconciously it's her being sick that is doing this to you... I think somewhere inside of you, you're afraid of losing her (in death), and your immature male emotions are what are telling you to look at other girls, date other girls... your emotions don't want to deal with how bad it will hurt if she leaves this world. So you're looking for something simpler to avoid that pain. It doesn't make you a jerk... but you need to sit down and really think about what means more to you. If you love her, prepare for whatever comes with her... and stop checking out other girls. If it's too much for you to handle, end it in the kindest way you can.

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  • your not a scum bag but it makes it hard cause she is dying. I'm sorry about your situation.

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  • Okay, but wait... is she not getting treatment? Pheochromoctytoma is extremely treatable, even without surgery. link

    I mean... ?

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  • You missing being wanted. So you go back to the past, in al honesty there's probably a reason you broke up and the great fun stuff is just that but remember the bad as well. I would talk to your girlfriend about it you need to let it out. Not a bad guy just human.

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  • I'm dude, I'm not supposed to be feeling in general.

    wtf? anyways, break up if that's what you want, your a dude, man up..

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  • Buddy, don't you worry! I'm on the same boat. My boyfriend that I've been dating for a while now has been going through health problems for a couple years now. I knew this when we got into a relationship so unlike you, I can't imagine any time our relationship has been normal because of his health issues. And we are distant right now because he is going through treatment in another city and all I can think of is being with another guy, cuddling, kissing etc. I think we are only thinking this because we are in a hard situation right now. I believe it's just the distance playing it's part; not the sickness. Long distance always makes you start looking at other people. It's hard to think about, but it happens to everybody who has to deal with the distance.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Ok well I understand how you feel because I wouldn't look at girls too but when my girlfriend started to get distant I started to look at other girls. The best way to combat this was just to wait. Resist the temptations. Don't let anything stop you from wanting what your heart wants. With me it got better once she started caring again and not being distant. And I don't look at girls anymore. And we've almost been together for a year. Love is a beautiful thing and we don't have to ruin it by going after sexual desires. Just stay with her. If she's having troubles and problems just try to be understanding and help her out. Show her you still love and care for you and she'll return the same, just don't give up dude. Hang in there

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  • Why the f*** are you not supposed to be feeling in the first place.

    Real men are in touch with their emotions and express them perfectly.

    You should text this girl you've been dating... If you care about her. She said she needed space but if it were me I'd just want her to know I was thinking of her and supportive what she's going through.

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  • Dude, it's as if you're saying you hate yourself for having testicles. Why? Don't you think you look at other girls because that is the most natural thing to do? Because thanks to your testosterone -which you have for a reason- you have a healthy male sexual drive. Why should you feel ashamed/upset for how you truly FEEL? Didn't you know that we guys can distinguish between sex and love? Love and sexual desire are two separate things. Please, stop self-punishing yourself.

    Don not listen to others, listen to yourself. You are the way you are for a reason. You feel the way you are for a reason. It's natural to feel the way you do. There's nothing wrong with you. Listen to yourself, learn about yourself, understand yourself, accept yourself, embrace yourself, be happy for how you feel.

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  • If you didn't feel, then you wouldn't be human, but that's sad man. I can imagine Pheochromocytoma being very hard to know that you have! As well as living with it!

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  • It's perfectly normal. Being in a relationship doesn't make men, nor women, blind to other peoples' attractiveness. We just simply dedicate ourselves to the one that matters the most to us.

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  • It's really okay to feel emotional. We're still human beings.

    Also, try to text/call her. It's now that she has no one to be with her when she has a disease that she needs someone to be there for her.

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  • You should be supportive of her now.

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