So 5 months ago I dated a guy that was mutual friends with my two sisters boyfriend. I was not really excited about it because he wasn't type, but I gave him a shot. It went good, and after a month of dating I already liked him. In that month he was arrested in front of me because he didn't have proof of paying off damage of a car, I knew the story but we were in shock that he got arrested. He was only gone for 3days and got out after he spoke with the judge. So then I began seeing that he was a bad boy, he admitted he did certain things. So then I started getting concerned but already liked him. So I was in denial thinking he would change, and then asked him after about 3months of dating if we were on the same pg (as we had discussed before) and if he did wanted a relationship. He said he liked what we had and that why would I want to ruin it by putting a label on us. We argued that night and he said I didn't like him for who he was, I just thought that maybe he would change for the better, I was wrong. Then he started telling me that he felt I liked him more than what he liked me and said goodbye to me, that was rude, childish and cocky. I think deep inside he has issues and he once told me he is scared of relationships because he has been cheated on more than once. We still keep in contact, but keep it small talk.You can tell we have an attraction but mentally we are not on the same pg. He has been flirting a bit lately and texting, but I don't want to date him if he won't change. Can a guy change his ways for good? I know I should of just ignored him after what he said, but I feel that he needs someone to direct him to a positive path.
Most Helpful Girl
First you have to face the fact that you are NOT going to change him. It's easy for women (myself included) to come up with reasons why he isn't what we want him to be, and then think that we can make him face those issues, and ultimately get what we want. Let go of that delusion now.
Let's say he does change after having a revelation, or whatever, but how long will that take? Are you willing to wait around for the slim possibility that he does? Looks like he likes you, but only on his terms. Staying with him means you are agreeing to that dynamic. Maybe you like him enough to settle for that, but don't believe for a second that this is all for his benefit, and will ultimately lead to the committed relationship that you want. Attraction can be very persuasive, but it takes more than that to have a relationship that is title worthy.
It think you just have to be clear about what you want, and whether you are willing to compromise, or settle, for something less than what you want.0