Not sure what to do anymore.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I'm 20, and he's 25. I do love him but lately we've been having issues. I grew up pretty fast to get on his level and became mature for him. But sometimes I just want to live it up like a regular girl my age, but he just doesn't allow it. We're at the lowest point in our relationship and I met this guy, through my moms boyfriend actually. He's the neighbor of my moms boyfriend. We met a couple of months ago, and hit it off immediately. We have always flirted, always. Then one might we were left alone and he tried kissing me, and I told him to stop and I didn't kiss back or anything. Even though I wanted it, he knew I have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend. I thought it was all friendly flirting. So this last weekend, my boyfriend and I were drinking over at my moms boyfriends and the neighbors was there, and I got pretty drunk(which is NO excuse I know). My boyfriend decided he wanted to go home, so he did and I stayed and at the end of the night everyone went to bed and the neighbor and I were left alone again, and he tried kissing me again. And I let him and next thing I knew we were at his place having sex. I don't even remember it all but I feel terrible and feel even worse that after we cuddled and talked about life, our relationships and really got to know each other. And now I have to see this guy around and I'm not looking forward to it. What do I do? Tell my boyfriend? Break up with him? Keep it a secret? I've never put myself in this position.. And if all you have to say is that I'm a slut, just keep moving. Thanks.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If your current boyfriend isn't "allowing" you to live life in the manner you see fit, I'd say it's time to move on. However, I wouldn't put much stock in this new guy, either - if he cheated on his current girlfriend with you, then somewhere down the line, you may be put in her shoes. He may not even dump his current girlfriend to be with you, instead opting for a friends-with-benefits relationship.

    I'd say out of respect for your boyfriend, don't tell him about this, but break up with him for sure. Infidelity begins in the mind, and if you truly loved this guy, no situation would tempt you. When you have an amazing partner, everybody else just seems... meh. If you've already made the decision to stray, it's a signal that you're over the relationship.

    Think about it, you're 20, he's 25 - he's wrapping up the party stage while you're just entering it. Granted, people are different, but in 5 years' time, he'll be ready to settle down, while you'll still feel not-partied-out. If you don't see marriage down the line, save both of yourselves the trouble and end the relationship.

    It's OK to feel guilty, but I would try not to get hung up on the situation. You say you really connected with this neighbor guy, and that's cool. You should open yourself up to the possibility of dating some new people... you've been off the market since 17. Live it up.

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    • Thank you, you honestly helped SO much. I don't really plan on having a relationship with this new guy, I'm just feeling the need to explore.

    • Go, discover yourself. :)

    • So, how did things go?

What Guys Said 2

  • You have to tell the truth. You f***ed up big time and have to face the consequences of your actions.

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  • Don't break up with your boyfriend, and just tell him the truth. It might get rocky in your relationship but it's still the best.

    The other guy is clearly taking advantage of you for sex.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Wow...what a situation.

    Hmmm...

    For starters,part of me doesn't believe you would have allowed the situation with the neighbor to get as far as it did,if you didn't feel so awful about the relationship you are in.You mentioned that you and the neighbor would "flirt" every time you would see each other...do you believe you would have behaved like that if you and your boyfriend were having a great relationship?

    To be honest,from the sound of your post,it sounds like you are yearning for something different and something NEW that your current partner isn't giving you.It sounds like you are stifled in the relationship you are in,and even though you were forced to grow up fast with him,I believe its important to just be...20. And I think you believe that too.Your relationship sounds stale,and like you're not even that happy in it anymore...so ask yourself this...why do you still want to be with your boyfriend?Is it because he is familiar?Are you afraid to be alone?Are you afraid of disappointing him?What are you getting out of the relationship?

    So do you tell your boyfriend.I can't tell you that right now.I think you need to decide if you even REALLY want to be with him anymore. I know you were drunk when you and the neighbor hooked up,but the START of that happened as the two of you were always...flirting.That was the genesis of this thing the two of you had.So...just think on these questions for a bit...

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    • You're right, I don't think if I was truly happy I would've been flirting in the first place. A part of me wants to make it work just so I can say, "yep we made it." but I mean if after 3 years I'm already straying it can't be the real thing.

      I feel like I stay because I'm scared I won't find someone else..

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    • I think I've come to the decision to just break up. But I just don't feel attractive anymore so I doubt I'll have guys banging down my door. But it will be nice to do ME, for the first time. I'm actually feeling good about this. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you for your help!

    • I don't know where the whole not feelong attractive thing is coming from,work on that girly.BUT...like I said...you're 20.Guys will come a knockin.And yes everything does happen for a reason and I hope you make the best decisions.Give updates of your progress...good luck :)

  • You are not ready for a committed relationship and no one can blame you at age 20. Your boyfriend at age 25 is most likely not as mature as you think he is either. It's unfair for him to not know the truth. You have to tell him the truth or just break up with him. Either way no one deserves to be lied to.

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