My girlfriend of almost 3 years is pretty much a live-in girlfriend, even though she still has her own place which she shares with friends. I first saw naked and clothed gym type pics of this guy in her email when she left my laptop open after using it. When I challenged her it turns out this was like 2 weeks after she met this dude at a club, like 11 months ago. In the emails she was just flirting back saying "oh you have a nice body" and such and talking about how the pics were too big to come through on her phone texts. So when we argued about it she said "We're just talking about gym training and weight loss and the like- he's a personal trainer". I said I don't care I don't want you texting back and forth with a guy who is telling you how good you look and sending you naked pics. She said "OK you're right I won't be in contact with him anymore" "we're only talking about weight loss and fitness"... I thought we'd got over it.
My girl would never share her phone password and I pretty much have let it go even though she never leaves her phone unattended. Recently I was suspicious of why so much secrecy and never leaving the phone out in the open and I grabbed it from her while she had it open, and discovered that she has been sexting / naked pics and you need to f*** me messages back & forth with this same guy, a guy she met at a club about a year ago, and even a recent one about planning meeting for a "date". We had such a fight about it and she's like "oh it's just fantasy, I would never meet him again in person", and now she's angry at me for "crossing boundaries and going through her private stuff" by grabbing her phone. What do you think?
Hers is an iPhone. You know how they show the sender and part of the text as a pop-up when it arrives? I'd glimpsed his name when she wasn't quick enough to grab her phone. When I asked her, she said No, you must be mistaken, but refused when I calmly asked her to prove it by opening the phone. That's when I grabbed it. No excuse
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Do you think texting is cheating ? If you had naked pictures of girls on your phone, would you feel like you were cheating?
I think its important to establish your own rules and how you feel in conversation, ideally before you have conflicts. I think this falls into a grey area for some people. Its kind of like watching people on webcam and typing things to them. Would that be cheating?
Its something to consider. Its different for everyone. But what are your thoughts on this? Is the fantasy cheating?
Well, you did invade her privacy, knowing she didn't want you going through her phone. So technically, youve already broken a rule that was set so that's cheating (if cheating = breaking the rules, which is how I define it) And you guys clearly have issues if you lack trust in her, which I assume you do because you said you're suspicious and you went into her phone when she made it clear that this was something she was not comfortable with. If you had just gone through her things without there being a precedent set where she said "NO." to going through her phone, that would be one thing. Or coming across it by accident. But if someone you're with tells you not to do it or makes it clear by not giving you a password to their phone, and you do it, your lack of trust is the issue. And then after that, even if you guys did make up, she now probably has trust issues with you because she knows you could snatch her sh*t at any moment and break the rules by looking through her things. So if there's no trust on either end now, its probably best that you both go your separate ways.
I won't even sit here and pretend that I wouldn't feel the same in her position, whether or not I was doing something shady. Sure, she may just be turning things around to avoid it being all on her, that's part of it. But you did invade her privacy. Not just by mistake, but knowing she didn't want you in her things. I think a mature adult decides to sever ties or discuss things that don't make them comfortable if someone makes it clear they don't want you in their things. If you aren't comfortable, then you have the right to break up with her and find someone who gives you the kind of openness and password freephone relationship that you want. My own parents don't snatch my things from me and go through my personal stuff. So that's asking to get slapped for me, personally. Everyone is different, but I don't play those games, I'm not a child.
However, then it becomes a question of "does the end justify the means?" If you hadn't broken the rules and violated that trust and right to privacy, you wouldn't have discovered this. I think its important to accept both.
Is breaking one kind of trust more important than breaking another? These are all questions I'm just bringing up. But I'd be interested to hear what you think?0
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