Caught my girlfriend sexting another guy

My girlfriend of almost 3 years is pretty much a live-in girlfriend, even though she still has her own place which she shares with friends. I first saw naked and clothed gym type pics of this guy in her email when she left my laptop open after using it. When I challenged her it turns out this was like 2 weeks after she met this dude at a club, like 11 months ago. In the emails she was just flirting back saying "oh you have a nice body" and such and talking about how the pics were too big to come through on her phone texts. So when we argued about it she said "We're just talking about gym training and weight loss and the like- he's a personal trainer". I said I don't care I don't want you texting back and forth with a guy who is telling you how good you look and sending you naked pics. She said "OK you're right I won't be in contact with him anymore" "we're only talking about weight loss and fitness"... I thought we'd got over it.

My girl would never share her phone password and I pretty much have let it go even though she never leaves her phone unattended. Recently I was suspicious of why so much secrecy and never leaving the phone out in the open and I grabbed it from her while she had it open, and discovered that she has been sexting / naked pics and you need to f*** me messages back & forth with this same guy, a guy she met at a club about a year ago, and even a recent one about planning meeting for a "date". We had such a fight about it and she's like "oh it's just fantasy, I would never meet him again in person", and now she's angry at me for "crossing boundaries and going through her private stuff" by grabbing her phone. What do you think?

Updates:
"Is breaking one kind of trust more important than breaking another? These are all questions I'm just bringing up. But I'd be interested to hear what you think?"


Hers is an iPhone. You know how they show the sender and part of the text as a pop-up when it arrives? I'd glimpsed his name when she wasn't quick enough to grab her phone. When I asked her, she said No, you must be mistaken, but refused when I calmly asked her to prove it by opening the phone. That's when I grabbed it. No excuse

1|0
11|6

Most Helpful Girl

  • Do you think texting is cheating ? If you had naked pictures of girls on your phone, would you feel like you were cheating?

    I think its important to establish your own rules and how you feel in conversation, ideally before you have conflicts. I think this falls into a grey area for some people. Its kind of like watching people on webcam and typing things to them. Would that be cheating?

    Its something to consider. Its different for everyone. But what are your thoughts on this? Is the fantasy cheating?

    Well, you did invade her privacy, knowing she didn't want you going through her phone. So technically, youve already broken a rule that was set so that's cheating (if cheating = breaking the rules, which is how I define it) And you guys clearly have issues if you lack trust in her, which I assume you do because you said you're suspicious and you went into her phone when she made it clear that this was something she was not comfortable with. If you had just gone through her things without there being a precedent set where she said "NO." to going through her phone, that would be one thing. Or coming across it by accident. But if someone you're with tells you not to do it or makes it clear by not giving you a password to their phone, and you do it, your lack of trust is the issue. And then after that, even if you guys did make up, she now probably has trust issues with you because she knows you could snatch her sh*t at any moment and break the rules by looking through her things. So if there's no trust on either end now, its probably best that you both go your separate ways.

    I won't even sit here and pretend that I wouldn't feel the same in her position, whether or not I was doing something shady. Sure, she may just be turning things around to avoid it being all on her, that's part of it. But you did invade her privacy. Not just by mistake, but knowing she didn't want you in her things. I think a mature adult decides to sever ties or discuss things that don't make them comfortable if someone makes it clear they don't want you in their things. If you aren't comfortable, then you have the right to break up with her and find someone who gives you the kind of openness and password freephone relationship that you want. My own parents don't snatch my things from me and go through my personal stuff. So that's asking to get slapped for me, personally. Everyone is different, but I don't play those games, I'm not a child.

    However, then it becomes a question of "does the end justify the means?" If you hadn't broken the rules and violated that trust and right to privacy, you wouldn't have discovered this. I think its important to accept both.

    Is breaking one kind of trust more important than breaking another? These are all questions I'm just bringing up. But I'd be interested to hear what you think?

    0|0
    0|0
    • No excuse for what? I'm confused what excuse would be needed? You're not entitled to look in her personal things, if that's what you mean. She can say no. lol

      Do you pay for her cellphone? I mean even that doesn't guarantee that agreement but then I could at least understand why someone would have to make "excuses" to not let you in their things?

      But you didn't answer my question either. Is breaking one kind of trust more important than breaking another?

    • Show All
    • he doesn't have the right to do anything. the moment you violate someone elses trust or start getting possessive, it shows insecurity in the relationship and lack of trust. you should (in my opinion, just as you all have yours) be mature and talk to the person about your feelings and about the future of the relationship or break up. If someone goes through my sh*t - There will be problems. Like I said before, I'm not a child. You don't have "the right" to go through anything that belongs to me.

    • to the question asker - So have you broken up with her yet ?

What Girls Said 10

  • There are things you should take into consideration:

    1) She kept her conversations with him a secret from you.

    2) After her first offense, she tried to brush it off as a benign conversation about weight loss. To cool things down and to reassure you, she promised she wouldn't be in contact with that guy anymore.

    3) She's obviously lied about not being in touch with him, and if she's resorted to exchanging naked pictures/ flirting, isn't that enough of a deal breaker?

    She's not trustworthy, and if she's planning on meeting up with other guys behind your back, that also makes her infidel. She obviously doesn't care about your feelings. Break it off with her.

    1|0
    0|0
  • The fact that you broke her trust by grabbing her phone and the fact that she broke your trust by cheating are completely separate issues and do not negate each other. Each should be dealt with separately.

    For your 'violation' of her privacy in regard to the phone, she needs to decide if that's something worth breaking up over and how much she's willing to fight about it. (WITHOUT mentioning the dude. Pretend the dude didn't exist.) However long she'd be willing to argue is all that argument is worth.

    For her crap with this dude, you need to decide if that's something worth breaking up over and how much you're willing to fight about it. And don't let your looking at her phone be brought up. It's a separate issue. Cheaters argue that sh*t to deflect and make themselves the victim. They can't be in the wrong if they are the victim.

    That's like someone justifying burning down your house because you drew a mustache on them in their sleep.

    She's cheating. If she isn't already, she will. Kick her ass to the curb.

    0|0
    0|1
  • Don't dump her...yet. Start downloading naked pics of girls onto your computer, phone and leave them out in the open so she can see. If she asks why you are looking at naked women with giant knockers, say you're just friends and you're helping her figure out if she needs lose weight. Also feel free to bring home random women and make out with them on your couch. If girlfriend asks about this also, say that she was choking and you were helping giving her CPR.

    2|0
    0|0
  • She is probably already cheating on you. End this relationship as soon as you can. You did not cross any boundaries. You have the right to know what she is hiding from you. I gave all of my passwords to my boyfriend. Even for my email account, Facebook and GaG because I have nothing to hide from him as I tell him everything. He does it too. I don't sext with other guys as I don't find it something appropriate to do. Your girlfriend shouldn't be doing it either. You don't have to put up with her ''fantasies''. Instead of asking for forgiveness she is putting the blame on you. Dump her.

    1|0
    0|0
  • shes a cheat,u have every right to dig in her phone,u are her man and she should not have any secrets that would jeopardize your relationship..she is clearly lieing to u...let her go

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's wrong all the way around! I don't think you violated her privacy because you had your reasons to wonder! I don't normally tell people to leave but yeah, she clearly crossed the line! With that being said, you need to walk away.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You need to dump her and move on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • She's cheating or soon will. You might have to let her go. Sorry

    0|0
    0|0
  • If it was the other way around would you reckon she would put up with that?. Sounds like she is playing you, she basically cheated on you by sexting this guy. She sent him naked photos for f*** sake. I'd definitely consider that to be cheating.. If she is fantasizing why doesn't she do it with you or use p*rn.. I wouldn't stand for it and neither should you. You have given her too many chances already.. Also what makes you think she hasn't already met up with him if this has been going on for so long.. She must not feel any shame or wrongdoing if she has been sexting him for this amount of time, which she should. This is totally unacceptable in my eyes.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Dump her

    0|3
    0|0

What Guys Said 6

  • In a real relationship you don't hide things like this from the other person. She's a shallow pick-up girl, not someone you want an LTR with, imao. She has no difficulty lying to your face, does she?

    0|1
    0|0
  • Girls know other girls, man. Listen to them (the ones below).

    Consolation- there are LOTS of other girls out there. Better ones...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Gotta love how some people can have the audacity to make a major mistake, then find any excuse to turn it around on you. Personal boundaries? There's a fine line between personal boundaries and your right to know what she's up to. You didn't cross any lines, she did. End things before she cheats.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You really need to break up with her now. What she's doing is very rude and is quite close to cheating.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Man! She's lying out her *ss, dude! When a person hides and guards their phone, etc. so close, there is a reason for it. That reason is they are hiding something. Don't be so niave. There is a whole science about why women cheat...But whatever the reasons, women don't just do these things on a wim, and it doesn't go on for a year of just flirting. Open your eyes, and your door...kick her out and move on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Probably has "grass is greener syndrome".

    Save yourself a bag of hurt and move on.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...