Had a really huge fight with the girl I am dating, should I give up?

SoI had a rather big fight with this girl that I have been dating on and off for the most part of 2 years. I was out of town for a conference this past weekend in a rural college town and she went out with her friends to celebrate one of their birthdays. I just asked her to tell me that she's okay and home safe. So at 330 I text her goodnight that I am going to sleep and I hope she's having fun. She texted me saying OK and then called me about 10 minutes later. As the call started she blew up on me calling me needy and so forth. I told her that if worrying about your safety is needy then okay. Our whole relationship is basically she contacts me daily and often hourly. I don't call her and if so its because of something important. She drives roughly 2 hours round trip to come see me because she still lives at home and her parents don't approve of me because well I am a chubby guy. But she called me needy and saying she can't date someone who is immature. At this point I got pissed because I am in my later 20's very successful both in my personal life and professional life and felt that her jab was unjust. I told her I couldn't date someone who was crazy and delusional and I hung up on her.

She then texted me the next day asking me to help her with some assignment and apologized for the mean things she said and that she understands if I don't want to talk to her anymore. The thing is, I want to be with and part of me wants to settle down with her. She is a very confused soul. She doesn't have a career, is a perfectionist, and so forth. She has a hard time balancing life as well. I have been there for her as an emotional pillar since we started dating. She tells me how lost she'd be without me and how great I am for her as well as how lucky she feels. She also admitted to me that she has a hard time accepting that I love her given the situation of her life, hence why she tries to sabotage us and test me. I told her I am getting worn down. I am not in my early 20's anymore and want security not this hot and cold stuff. I want to be serious and committed. I have given her (in my mind) until September to find a career stick with it, as well as come to a conclusion of what path we take. Either we are in a serious relationship progressing the levels of such or we part ways and live our lives. It doesn't help that EVERYONE we encounter says we are perfect for one another and that we should just get married. She even agrees but won't let me talk to her parents to soothe things as she is scared of what might come. Anyways sorry this is so long but thanks to anyone who answers.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah your girl definitely sounds like she has some issues to deal with. It must be very tiring for you but I think you should wait till September like you told her. Things may improve, stay the same, or get worse. You can make the decision once you take the time to see which of the three will happen. If things improve, great; if they stay the same or get worse, then you have to decide if you want to work on it more or really end it. For now it seems like you're willing to work on it since you said you want to settle down with her. But you deserve a chance to be happy so giving her time to adjust sounds good for your relationship.

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    • Well I didn't tell her I was putting a deadline. I told her I listen and take her concerns to heart she needs to do the same. I haven't made the effort to talk to her, she really just blew up and rubbed me the wrong way. I might annoy her at times but I've always cared and loved her giving my all. I don't deserve that level of disrespect. I told her that and she's like you're mad at me aren't you. If I didn't have so much love for her I would've probably end it.

    • You don't need to share the deadline with her; just keep it privately until you come to your decision. It might help if you tell her you're unhappy with your relationship and wanna work on improving some things. No serious or accusing tone or anything, just a notification.

What Girls Said 1

  • She really had no right to blow up at you like she did...u may have messed up something she was getting into(a guy) that night. It seems suspect because she got defensive when all you were concerned with was her safety. Its up to you if she is worth the fight. But a true harmonious relationship isn't filled w unnecessary drama

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    • I think she was getting into a guy to be honest. The next day she apologized and I called her before I went to sleep and she was just rather cold. But then this morning she tells me how sorry she is and how she didn't mean what she said as well as how amazing I am. To be honest I love her to pieces but I am far too old to play games. She promised me she didn't meet anyone. I believe her she's a gorgeous girl but has very high standards. Luckily the city she lives is filled with dead beats.

What Guys Said 2

  • You shouldn't give up on her. She's still into you.

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  • It's a real sign of immaturity to end a relationship after a single fight. And you don't sound immature. You sound like you have your head on your shoulders, and know what you're about.

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    • She's just been really cold and in my part I haven't made any effort. I've put up with a lot of her stuff for the last almost 2 years. I've been her rock helping her navigate her confusion and such. I don't ask for much, I tell her to go out with her friends, I'm far from clingy. I just don't understand it. She says she loves me and cares deeply but blows up on the most random crap.

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