I ask this respectfully, why do you think girls are bad at giving dating advice to guys?

We have all heard the saying amongst the male gender:

"don't take dating advice from a woman!"

How much truth do you personally think there is to the underlying theme behind this statement that women give subpar to downright awful advice to guys when it comes to dating?

Use examples of yourself or others in your question if you so choose to further describe your viewpoint. 8-)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Some girls give good advice but I'll admit, in my experience I do tend to find guys to be a bit better at giving advice. Obviously you can argue that I'm biased since I'm a guy so of course me and another guy can relate to each other better with regards to dating issues.

    I think the main reason that girls tend to not always be good at giving dating is advice is because they lack the ability to discern the "why" in most scenarios.

    Girls are emotional creatures, more so than men. This means that much of what they do is all about feel. They're not sure what they are doing or why they are doing it, it just feels right and they like it. For example, she might find a guy attractive, but have no idea as to why. She'll describe it as something abstract or vague like "he had this aura about him". Guys on the other than can usually write you a list of the 10 or so things that have really attracted him to that girl.

    I think this lack of logical analysis tends to make them lead guys in the wrong direction. Some examples of this are things like, telling guys they are horn dogs and perverted when in reality they like a guy who is relatively sexual and forward, which leads guys to put a lid on their sexuality. Another example is the nice guy vs jerk debate. Girls say they want a nice guy and not a jerk, but what they really want is a dominant guy. This leads guys to slip to far into one of these extremes. Finally, another example of this would be girls who claim to want all the mushy romance novel/movie type stuff from their relationship, but as soon as a guy does it, she gets confused and scared, which means she telling guys to shoot themselves in the foot.

    Simply put, I think guys logical approach to dating tends to put them in a better position to also analyze the dating game and give advice on how to play it better. Since girls aren't as logical and analytical by nature, then tend to give very vague and confusing advice.

    Again, this is not black and white. I feel that men and women both tend to fall somewhere on a spectrum in terms of how emotional or logical of a decision maker they are. Some people, man or women, are more or less free spirited than others. However, I just think its pretty much common knowledge that women on average fall more towards the emotional end of the spectrum.

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    • Oh and I also forgot to add that I think guys, by nature of them taking the active role in dating, tend to be more knowledgeable about dating and the opposite gender, simply because we have to be. We're the hunters so its our job to analyze our prey. Deer do not study the hunters who are chasing them. Guys simply put more time into studying the science of dating than women typically do. Just look at books on dating. They're mostly for guy on how to pick up women.

What Girls Said 15

  • Because every girl is different and often when we give advice, we stick to personal experiences. Dating advice becomes a minefield because its so individual and so personal. What works for one girl will probably not work for another. What I like and what a guy needs to do to get my attention will probably not work for another girl.

    I'm fairly careful with what dating advice I give to guys. And only if asked. The only person a guy can ask me about when it comes to dating would be my best friend since I do know her fairly well. So there is probably some truth. I don't think I've given any bad advice, it was always given with the best of intentions. The only advice that works no matter what is communication. Everything starts with a conversation. I won't go much farther than that because well, as said, what works for me will probably only work for me.

    It does at times help to get the opposite gender's perspective. Its about the same as getting dating advice from guys... which amounts to "Smile! Talk to him!" if I ask my guy friends LOL.

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  • So why do you come on a website such as here asking so many Qs to girls for advice then? Huh?

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  • I don't think that's true. I think you shouldn't get dating advice from people who...are bad at giving dating advice. lol

    On here I've helped 5 people get with someone long term

    In real life its 7. Of those 7 only 2 have broken up but they still lasted longer than they normally do.

    I'm not the best of advice, but my advice works for some.

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  • On the contrary, men are terrible at giving advice because half the time they are not in touch with their emotions - and what's worse - they are not even aware of it!

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    • That pre supposes that taking your actions based on emotion (instead of reason) is the correct thing to do.

      Guys often value the fact that they don't take action based on emotion.

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    • Well said 7gnat. I was saying that basing decisions with absolutely no emotional considerations is disasterous for relationship - and hence decisions purely based on logic do not work here. Similarly - basing rash decisions purely based on emotional reactions is disasterous also. I was of course not condoning this! There is a balance to be made. This is what I was referring to. Jesus, talk about complicating things.

    • Common sense on Gag is hard to come by at times. Good answer and great comments.

  • Why should women not give dating advice to men? Women know women better than men do so advice from a man might not help.

    A woman, providing she isn't doing it to sabotage things, will have a better understanding of girls and their feelings.

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    • my experiences are the total opposite of what you just stated

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    • Your right, this is one advantage of getting advice from the opposite gender. However, some women are so confused themselves, they don't know what they themselves want. I would say in both genders, this only holds true of the person is smart and mature enough, to have a good understanding of what they truly want in a relationship. Someone who is still figuring things out is going to start sending you down the wrong roads if they give advice.

    • For example: I gave this guy my number and he liked me. His girlfriend (friend-girl) told him to call right away while his guyfriend said to wait to "not appear desperate".

      He took the advice of his guyfriend and waited. I don't play games so when he did call after waiting I never picked up the phone :)

      (We became friends after so that's how I know)

  • sometimes I think it's because the guy will leave out important details about the situation they need advice on or the girl doesn't ask questions that are imporant to know before she gives advice so therefore it doean't always happen like thought it would.

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  • I have many guy friends, we all in the same friendship group and all of them pretty much come to me or one of the other girls. Personally I think that it all depends how well you know the girl and how well they know you and the situation you are in. But I have also heard that allot of men don't take the actual advise and just take them as guidelines ;) haha

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  • I personally think I give great dating tips

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  • I think I give great advice. It's not according to the gender but how these people are.

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  • Ahem ahem I think I am very much capable to give dating advice, thank you very much.

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  • Never take dating advice from the opposite gender.

    Guys approach situations like a male. Women approach like a female. Duh.

    Guys, who need simple, straight forward advice/instruction, tend to get lost in the jumble of words women use to communicate ideas. This jumble of words makes perfect sense to women, as it helps us understand and get at the deep emotional underside of the guy that he is not sharing and allows us to -dare I say it, manipulate - his emotional psyche to best get him to fill a role we wish of him.

    Women can't function with the straight forward information given by guys. Sure, it works for the most part, but we always feel like there is something missing so both genders end up messing things up.

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  • I think the opposite sex tends to give bad dating advice to each other. I would prefer to take dating advice from a woman who is successful with men rather than take it from a guy. The only male's dating advice I trust really is my father.

    Most guys have agendas when giving dating advice, they will never truly tell you how to flip the game and make it yours.

    I think guys probably feel the same way, they think women's advice holds them back and doesn't give them that "control" they crave. Some women tend to give that "sweet guy" advice and not give them advice on how to be a playa, they might not like that and therefore think we give terrible advice. lol

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  • Some people.like my advice and take it, some don't. Some have taken and complained, some have not taken it and complained. Advice is like money, give it away if you want but you can't control what they do with it.

    I don't think ALL women give terrible dating advice, just like I don't think ALL men give terrible dating advice. I think gender is irrelevant, while age/experience isn't.

    Here's what I've come to believe - men and women will never FULLY understand each other, as a whole. We are barely even the same species, when you look at how differently most women think compared to how most men think. It doesn't mean we can't get along and it doesn't mean that we can't try and even succeed. It just means we are very different creatures and we usually have different ideas of what life and love should be. Again, I don't mean everyone, of course. But most.

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    • Some of these answers are strange. If women give such horrible dating advice, why do men constantly ask for it? I'm confused, haha!

  • We aren't ALL bad at giving dating advice, but I think the majority of crap advice floating around comes from people who listen to other people who DON'T have successful relationships. Women also shouldn't take dating advice from other women. I don't know how many times I've heard a woman say, "Well I told Susan what happened and she thinks I should dump his sorry butt!" Then I'll ask, does Susan have a happy relationship and I'll hear, "No, she tends to not keep them around very long, she's single right now." Ok, well then let's take what Susan says about dating with a grain of rice . . . So that is my 'advice', only take advice about something from someone who is already successful in that arena of their life. I'm not going to ask my girlfriend what's wrong with my car, you know? She doesn't know diddly, I'll ask my fiance' who has many years experience working on cars . . . Same concept in different areas of life.

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    • Precisely, would you call a plumbing service to mow your lawn? :-P

    • Sometimes it's easier to judge a situation from the outside looking in. Maybe Susan doesn't have a happy relationship but that doesn't she mean she automatically doesn't know what she's talking about. There are people who are good at giving advice but not using their own.

    • A person who can give good advice, doesn't give it 'looking in'. They give it because they have the ability to put themselves inside the situation and respond as they would if it were happening to them. Susan doesn't have a good relationship? She shouldn't give dating advice. I don't have any kids, so I'm not about to go giving advice on how to raise them to my friends who have them. Plus if Susan keeps failing, she's probably making the same mistake and not seeing the error of her own ways

  • ugh I hope I don't give awful advice lol : ( I'd be interested to see what other guys say...

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What Guys Said 20

  • They're not bad at giving advice. Some of the best and most renown dating coaches are in fact women. Where women tend to get bashed is in the numbers. I don't believe men are as inclined to giving dating advice as are women. They have a far greater number spewing their opinions on this topic then we men and thus a far greater number of failed insights.

    In any case, I'm of the opinion that men in general will have more dating knowledge that of which is used to attract the attention of women, but rather women have more relationship knowledge that of which is used in keeping women.

    All in all I'll take advice based on experience and success rather then basing anything on their gender. With that being said, I tend to favor the opinion of my females friends. I don't seek much help nowadays attracting women but rather figuring out what I've done to upset them.

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    • Interesting thoughts you have here, I never thought about the "manipulation of data" angle. :-P

  • Women don't know what they want, the same could be said about men but since women hold the cards in the dating game I'm putting this more on them.

    Women say they don't want bad boys right ?. Well If this was the case then you'd have a barrage of bad boys making threads on here complaining they keep losing out to nice guys...and I think we can all agree that doesn't happen.

    Women advice is based on what they want, but the flaw here is that women don't know what they want...they think they do but in reality they don't. You only have to look around at society to see what women say they want and what women actually go for are two completely different things.

    In my opinion...

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    • This answer gave me a headache.

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    • When I use the term power it’s in regards to the nature and dynamics of early courtship. In conventional terms men are the chasers, it’s up to us to show the woman we’re that guy. A woman will ALWAYS have more options than you as it’s a lot easier for women to attract a male as opposed to the other way round. This is my meaning when I say they have the power, they are the gate keepers. Of course once you’ve got through the gate you can and will change the dynamics of that power. But in more than

    • I somewhat agree with those comments but I have to disagree about the chasing thing. The dynamics of dating have drastically changed. Also I have just as many options as any other woman. I feel attractive and happy to know I am a good catch. I have always had a lot of options. It sure helped having an older sister that had her friends over all the time. If not for them I would of never realized how easy it is to get a girl. I was lucky yes.

  • The majority of girls give bad dating advice to guys. The majority of guys give bad dating advice to girls.

    Those few who give good advice, give excellent advice.

    The problem (with both genders) is that most people are either not self aware enough to accurately assess what actually would work, emotionally, on them, or are unwilling to accept it.

    Both genders (women more, I think) tend to focus on what behavior they would enjoy coming from someone they find attractive, rather then what behaviors actually generate attraction. They answer questions using the rational part of their brain, which is NOT the part making decisions about who we are drawn too. Men -are- guilty of this too - 80% of men swear up and down they like women without makeup, then go hit on a cakeface when they're drunk at the bar.

    Now those men and women who are self aware to judge what would actually work on them? Their advice is invaluable. But that's rare. Its somewhat easier to find experienced daters of your own gender who have learned what works through trial and error.

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  • harveykinkle spot the reason, just she was only half right, of course WOMEN are better at understanding WOMEN, but relationships are a matter of 2, and they are just AS bad as understanding men as we are understanding women, and the very 1st problem we males find is that must of us did not learn love and relationships by playing football with dad, we learn from mom, MOST times, our relationship problems are not because we don't know how to deal with females, mom told us to be nice, to be gentlemen, to be protectors, to GIVE, but the one thing she was unable to teach to her son is how to be a MAN.

    os not that girls give bad advice, is that they can help you with THEIR side of the equation, but I trully believe, most problems in relationships for us men are caused by failures in OUR side, I am NOT disregarding female problems or their behaviors, but like one anonymous girl here said:

    "On the contrary, men are terrible at giving advice because half the time they are not in touch with their emotions" I think her viewpoint is WRONG, but while steroptypes are bad, is scientifically proben that there is a TENDECY, of women being the emotional ones, and we the colder ones, NEITHER is better or worse, you need BOTH at different situations, that IS why females and males complement each other.

    SO, sometimes, you need to to warm up and learn from the girl, and be more emotional, BUT sometimes, a girl needs to be less emotional and more "mather of fact", whenever you are being a d!ck, your girl will be there to move you to a place of warmth and love, touch your heart and bring the nicest side of you, and whenever your girl is so overwhelmed by emotions, she can trust you to be her anchor, to be able to remain calmed even through drama.

    YES, sometimes, she is emotional nd you have to be emotional too, just like sometimes you are all super rational and she has to also put herself into evaluation mode, but often, many problems are solve by girls reacting like girls, and boys reacting as boys, and that's why sometimes, advice from the oposite sex can be mistaken, if you are facing a deep moral issue and evaluating coldly, she can be your conscience and heart, but NOT if she is also in her Army Strategist mode, and also, if she is going through a big depression, while the sympathy will be good, she des not want you crying by her side, but rather being mature, patient and calmed so you help to CALM HER.

    there are things that work for them and other work for us, and there should be a balance, advice from women will be always the BEST, but only IF all problems could be solved emotionally, you may say "dating IS emotional" yes! but dating being emotional means that sometimes being emotional is the answer, and some other, being emotional is THE PROBLEM, is great to let emotion flow when said emotion is LOVE, kindness, FUN, but when it is jealousy, sadness, suspicion, you better start being RATIONAL rather than emotional, she CAN be rational, but you HAVE to.

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  • obviously women never mean what they say and never say hat they mean so why even bother taking advice from them?

    another thing is that not all women are the same. like in my case, my first girlfriend use to tell me that she loves be touched gently and all and to me it seemed pretty dogmatic for a few years as most of the chicks I came across after her did enjoy being touched gently. but then I ran into one that didn't like it soft, so when I did touch her like that she would explode at me

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  • Because when women are giving advice about another guy they are not in love with them so no emotions are emitted to him, so they are thinking rationally. However when she likes another guy, thinks about him and talks about him, it is a complete different story. Why that is? Is because there are emotions involved and we know women are very emotional, so when they are on that spot they do things that make no sense to us men. They stop thinking rationally and start thinking with their emotions. So that is why they say one thing and we experience something else in real life. You know what I mean?

    The other thing as well, is that women are rarely on the other side of the field, so they really don't know how to approach and attract somebody, because that almost never happens to them! So if that never happens to them, how do you think they know how to do it? They just go and say whatever thy think is the right thing to do from their own perspective (being the aprochee), which is rarely the right one. There are exceptions off course, but the rule is more common than the exception.

    Personally when I ask advice I always guy guys that get women all the time...safer bet.

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  • That's actually the first I heard of this. Most of my guy friends are single. Most of my girl friends are in relationships. So naturally, I gravitate towards the peeps who have more relationship experience. Or they come to me...which is weird because I don't have any serious relationship experience to back it up. I just apparently "give good/sound advice" or creative dating ideas...being the single eligible bachelor that I am...lol

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  • I don't think that's always true. It's a mixed bag. About as many guys as girls give crap advice, and if you know how to look for it, it's typically obvious when it happens. The real cause of truly useless advice is something which can affect both genders: dumbassery.

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  • I really think it depends on the girl. Girls have a different perspective, so I think their advice is definitely different. Instead of just asking for general advice, I ask what they would want in their dates.

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  • Both men and women have a totally different way of thinking. We will never understand each other. We can only communicate with each other and do what we can to understand.

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  • They've either never dated or picked up the wrong advice themselves about dating.

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  • Cause they are emotional nightmares lol

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  • Ive found women to give the best advice. They are the ones that got my dream girl back. They helped me write my thoughts correctly. They said yes and no. Guys always f things up. More over saying dump her... Guys mostly suck at advice on this site. Match the type of girl with the one you are asking advice. I absolutely admire some of the advice girls have gave me on this sight. And truly more over some girls say things just like a guy. But the ones that supported me are priceless and they got her back when every card was against us.. Thanks again girls... :D

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  • It depends what questions you're asking. I've gotten really interesting advice from women when I ask questions about behavior and why another girl might be acting a certain way. That sort of stuff I think men can really screw up.

    But straight-up dating advice, such as how to approach a woman or what to say? There are always exceptions, but yeah, I'd definitely say that men have given me better advice in that area.

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  • Women know what they should want.

    They don't know what they actually want. Hence why what women advise you to do, and what they actually want and do themselves, are two different things.

    Also, for guys who don't have girlfriends, all female dating advice from women assumes attraction. It doesn't realize you might need advice on how to be an attractive mate for a woman.

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    • Exactly, I couldn't put it into words better myself. That's why it's silly for girls to give dating advices for guys and vice versa. It's pretty arrogant of you to think you're opinion is relevant all the time and you're some kind of an enlightened guru that everyone should always listen to.

    • I mentioned your second paragraph in my answer so I agree. Your last paragraph is interesting and I agree. Something I've never thought of. I think this is part of the reason for your first point, and why guys get confused. They say to themselves "but I did everything all the girls tell me to do", the problem is she simply wasn't attracted. This leaves the guy confused, frustrated, and angry.

  • Never heard that before. Some users on Gag secretly have a vendetta for the female gender and I cannot comment for them. Women and men are capable of giving good or bad advice.

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  • That's quite harsh. Most women have better advices than the guys. I really like reading their answers.

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  • Girls have HORRIBLE dating advice for men! Why?

    The answer: When they tell you what they want, they're picturing a guy they are ALREADY attracted to.

    For example, a girl will tell guys to be sweet and caring..

    Girl: "Be really sweet! Tell her that she is special, and is the only girl for you! Listen to her! Blah blah."

    Fellas, we all know how THAT works out..

    Yes, girls DO like those things, but from guys they are ALREADY ATTRACTED to. In their mind, they're picturing a confident male who's charming, can make her laugh, socially intuitive, has ambition, etc.

    They are NOT picturing: Chubby kid, no drive, socially awkward, etc.

    Don't even get me started on the worst advice of all...

    "Be confident."

    What the hell is "Be confident"?! You think we're like "Oh! That's it?! Be confident?! Ok, I'm going to go and be confident today! Yay!"

    No... HELL no.. That is NOT how it works.

    Furthermore, the second and probably most important reason is this...

    What women say, and what they react to are TWO DIFFERENT things.

    Til next time...

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    • Don't know why you anonymous. You've raised all the points I wanted to especially #1

      +1

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    • "Be confident" simply means believing in yourself and having some kind of goal in life. For instance, most of us like it when you guys are able to hold eye contact that lasts longer than 2 seconds, and without fiddling with your sleeves while doing so. We don't like lazy butts who have no goal in life and worry about anything and everything. It's simple. It's all about your attitude and your views on life, being able to believe in yourself. It's attractive to a lot of girls and women.

    • oppa: You still don't get it. This is exactly why I said women are horrid at giving dating advice to men. You can't just be confident by decision, the same way you can't tell someone who has a phobia of spiders to "just don't be afraid of them."

      Of course those are attractive to many women. That is exactly what my point was above.

  • I think a lot of women give pretty bad advice. One reason I think is that many women don't know what they want. Another reason is that even some of the women who do know what they want are ashamed of admitting it. Also I don't think women understand the extent to which what they find attractive is based on a man's technique. Confidence and charm require technique. A woman might like a funny guy, but that doesn't mean she herself knows how to crack funny jokes.

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    • I do genuinely think that in this feminist era, that women are more afraid of saying what they really want.

      A female can be scared of saying that she wants a man to dominate her and take control, because she thinks that can signal the guy to have a newly built-in excuse to physically abuse or rape her,

      because "well, she said she likes to be dominated and under a guy's control, I'm just giving her what she wants".

  • For one thing, they lack the correct perspective. Their advice is tailored to fit the partner who is pursued, or worse, to describe the sort of guy they think they want.

    Which leads to my second point - girls are notoriously bad at knowing what they actually want. A generation of men listened to them go on about how they wanted men who were unafraid to cry and in touch with their emotions - and we got "Nu-man" and women found out they hated Nu-Man.

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