Taking a break from dating..Advice?

I've realized that I don't make the best decisions when it comes to dating... I have a lot of issues...

I always fall super fast for guys only to be disappointed

Guys always pick other girls over me or already have a gf

I feel super defensive when I can tell a guy wants to get to know me on a deeper level

I'm sick and tired of attracting emotionally unavailable guys. I think I'm also partially unavailable, I just realized this recently. I've been in denial for a long time. So I want to take a break on dating, I always like to rush things. I'm 21. I just want a husband already so I don't have to deal with this mess. I always get caught up. I always do the wrong thing. I don't want to run away from my problems but I feel like I have no choice because I make bad judgements...

Last 3 guys I dated:

-has a girlfriend. Let him use me essentially.

-guy I REALLY liked lives in another country (I met him before) and decided one day to "date his ex again"

-is going nowhere with his life. and texts me like once every 2 weeks. pretty sure he's hiding something..

I'm so frustrated/confused/disappointed :(

Has anyone else been through this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My friends and I call taking a break from dating putting ourselves in the tower (like in Rapunzel). It's not that there is absolutely no way that guys could get to us or that we become complete shrews, we just step far away enough from the dating scene that any guy who wanted us would have to work for us (which guys seems to like). Being in the tower doesn't mean that we play around with guys feelings or misrepresent where we're at emotionally, just that we're not throwing ourselves at their feet (because we're better than that).

    It's my experience that the best way to attract the kind of guys that make great boyfriends is by not worrying about attracting them. First and foremost you have to put yourself in the places where the kind of guy you want to date would be found. I tend to hang out in libraries, at concerts, in bookstores because that's where my favorite guys tend to be. Beyond that when I'm in the tower I spend my time trying to become the kind of girl that the kind of guys I want would want back. I'm not saying that I change who I am. I work to become more of who I am so that they'll recognize that I'm the kind of girl they've been looking for.

    Chin up Buttercup! It's going to be okay. The right guy is out there, and he'll even come looking for you in the tower if that's where you are when it's time for him to make his appearance.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Trial and error, girl.. dating is meant to get to know each other

    People say that when you fall fast, you fall to what you expect that person to be like, whether or not it matches the actual reality

    Although you can't tell your heart when to fall and when not to, some little self-control can help

    OK - I admit, now I give an advice to which I myself can't follow!

    Just one more thing - when you take a break, don't shut yourself off, you never know when "the right one" may appear on the Horizon, it's a big world we live in!

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    • Self control is definitely something I need to work on! I agree w/you.

      It's lame because I shut myself off anyways...like the only way I'll feel comfortable around a guy is if 1. he has a girlfriend or 2. I think he's gay...otherwise I'll get very defensive :/

    • And that's what you need to work on, you must not become defensive when it comes to a real guy or you'll just... remain where you are now

      I know you had bad experiences but there's no other way but to keep trying... sometimes we don't know how strong are we until being strong is the only option left

  • If you want to get married so early, you have to find an older mature man, won't consider the same age with you. But many may have children.

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  • I wen through that experience before.

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What Girls Said 1

  • it's good to take a break, always bad to rush things...I have a friend that's like you, and she will never take my advice, and she always gets hurt. Try and think of why you want to be in a relationship, and set some higher standards...

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    • Hi there.

      Yeah I feel extremely impatient sometimes and get swept up in all the excitement, only to have it crash down on me in a matter of weeks. It's really sad and pathetic. I want to be in a relationship for several reasons, mostly because I hate being alone (I wasn't always like this)... I feel like such a loser for ending up in these situations. I feel bad sometimes for trying to set standards, because each time I think, what if this person can make me happy? They like me.

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    • Yeah you're right. I think I will make a list of things that are potential deal breakers. Okay so if a guy does something like that, that is a deal breaker, do you tell him? Won't that hurt his feelings?

    • It might, but you can't please everyone in life...if a guy asked me out and I found out that he smoked, I would politely say "I'm sorry, I can't be around smoke", they might get upset, but I'm not going give in and expose myself to any kind of smoking, since I have enough health issues. Another thing...you can't believe every guy that says that he likes you, because there are a lot of guys out there that just want to take an advantage of girls.

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