Disappointed yet again by another first date

I had high hopes for this girl because she seemed to be into me and really responding to me during class. We finally scheduled a tennis date and we went on it. I guess it was fun. We just did that and walked around a bit and then at the end she offered me her hand to shake. That's how I knew it was a failure.

Every first date for me has failed so far. I can't get past the friend vibe. And if I get too aggressive/push things, it's just weird and awkward.

I don't know what to do. I'm on the verge of just giving up. I don't understand it at all.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My personal definition of first date: The place and time where you unambiguously express sexual interest "I like you as woman, I want to know whether the feeling is mutual". When a woman accepts your offer for a date, it means she likes you a little and wants to see if you're her type of guy. A big mistake many guys do is to play the friend card in hopes women magically start developing feeling towards them. Playing the friend card is understandable, you want to play safe and don't risk anything by showing her your sexual nature. You genuinely want her to see you as a guy who appreciates her as a whole person, not just a jerk who is after sex only. This is a mistake because Men ignore women categorise us in two groups: Men they want to fcuk, and the others; if We don't show us we are interested in them in a sexual way, we'll probably be put in the second group, a.k.a. Friend Zone. All men are sexual, but girls can't conceive the idea that, deep inside, all Men are like that.

    Conveying sexual interest is a must. But there's a catch, it has to be done in a subtle manner and only after getting the green lights from her. Conveying sexual intention can be as easy as displaying our masculine dominant nature: Teasing, giving orders, flirting, running kino. You need to put careful attention to the signs of interest she might give you, only then you can make your moves: going for the kiss, making out, heavy touching, even taking her to your place. If you put your move on her without her giving you any sign of interest is going to look aggressive/pushy/weird/awkward, you're going to scare her off.

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    • yeah, that's why I was at the teasing, giving orders, kino, flirting part. But I felt I wasn't getting strong enough signals to do more.

    • Mmmm, well, it would be interesting to have some footage of how your dates go for analysis and some feedback from guys who know.

    • I don't get it.

      It's like I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling more than a friend vibe. It's so weird because during class, I get more than friend feelings, but during the date, I don't.

What Girls Said 2

  • Well a girl is not going to jump right into your lap and say kiss me on the first date. She could just be really shy and wants to get to know you first. Don't stress about it, if she went on a date with you in the first place it means she likes you.

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    • well, she does "know" me considering we have class together.

    • Well maybe not enough then?

  • I wouldn't be so hard on myself. Just because a girl doesn't go in for a kiss on a first date, in my opinion, means nothing. I wouldn't do it myself, because I don't know you that well yet or I don't want to come across as aggressive. So give yourself some credit and don't look so much into the handshake.

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    • but what about the friend-ish vibe? That's all I feel like I keep getting on these dates. They just feel friendly. And if I do more, it's awkward and uncomfortable.

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    • it was my first date with her. I'm talking about first dates in general.

    • OK then I go back to my original answer. It was a first date, Not every girl is going to be all over you. Especially the shy ones, or the ones that don't want to come across as desperate. Like I said if she continues to go out with you then Id say there is some interest there. don't just assume she wants to just be friends just because she shook your hand my friend.

What Guys Said 2

  • What were you doing when she offered you a hand to shake?

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    • we were in the car watching other people play tennis and making fun of them.

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    • So realistically, what are you hoping will happen? You'll be witty, and after some point, she'll say 'wow, that was funny. Wanna play with my t*ts?'

      You gotta escalate. You. You you you.

    • Yes, but I can't force escalation, can I? How can I escalate if I'm not getting the proper green light. I'm not even getting reciprocating kino.

  • Always many more to come man!

    Sit back and learn from experiances! Also build some charisma, talk to yourself in the mirror

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