What advice can you give a forever single 21 year old?

I just turned 21, and will be a senior in college.

I have never dated. Been kissed (drunk things), but that's about it.

The whole "just stop worrying" approach to dating has not worked.

I'm clearly going to have to do something to get my dating life started, but now I'm nervous. I have little experience, and don't attract that many guys to begin with.

I don't know how to get out there.

Tips, please?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm in kind of the same boat. Turned 21 a few months ago, virgin, never done more than made out (partly by choice, mostly by chance). I don't have much relationship experience because I always kind of just sat back and waited, like you described.

    I'm really into a certain girl right now who just got out of a very long term relationship for people our age (almost 5 years), and she's making things difficult for me emotionally, which isn't a complaint because I understand completely that it's a rough situation. We had a few pretty deep talks about feelings and whatnot and decided there was definitely something more between us, but she wasn't ready.

    Now she's with a guy who she admitted has no long-term potential for her as a relationship. The point of that was just that even when things seem to go well with a person, there's a good chance it won't work out how you want. You SHOULD be patient and not force anything, but at the same time when you do find someone who you really feel something for, let them know and at least see what can happen. I still feel somewhat optimistic for this one, but I also can see how things might not work out for us.

    Don't be shy, wear your feelings on your sleeve, and do what you need to do to be happy :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • If you're nervous, it's because you're putting pressure on yourself. The first thing I'd recommend doing is to go into this without expectations, and just put yourself into some positive social situations with an open mind and see what happens from what there.

    Approach guys that interest you and chat them up. And not even for any desired result of trying to land one, but just to gain some practice talking with men...that's an important first step. The more you do that, the more comfortable you'll become socializing with them. And when you're more comfortable with guys in social situations and around them enough, that's when some good things could happen.

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  • If pushing does not work, try pulling.

    Translation: If the men are not coming to you, then you go to them. It really works in most cases.

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  • i'm 25 and still single as well, be glad you are a girl

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yay, proactive people are the ones who become successful in the long term, and it sounds like you are taking a proactive approach to this!

    Dating is a skill. Flirting is a skill. Relationships are a skill.

    Skills require practice, but you need to learn to practice the right way, or else you'll waste loads of time and may or may not be successful. (It's a lot like studying - you can stare at the book for hours, but unless you sit down and do some practice problems, you're not going to understand it).

    NMMan had a great point! Stress is good, because it pressures you to keep looking for a way to improve, but anxiety is bad, because it could be sabotaging your whole approach. The only problem with his advice is, it's very easy to say "don't put pressure on yourself", but very hard to do that in practice.

    As a girl who had a similar problem formerly, I'd take the second part of NMMan's advice of "chatting up guys...for [no] desired result", but instead do it with guys you do NOT necessarily find attractive! This may sound counter-intuitive, or maybe even a little bit cruel, but if you do this exercise correctly, you will do nothing but boost your confidence (as well as the person's to whom you're talking).

    Start complimenting people every day. Do not limit yourself to guys you find attractive, but compliment everyone: guys you probably wouldn't date, other girls, the lady in the check-out line at the grocery store, etc. Don't give people fake compliments, but every day: try to look for something that you can genuinely admire about every person you meet...and then tell them about it!

    Remember, just like in doing practice problems for school - the long way is actually the short cut. If you start opening yourself up to people in general, you will become more assertive, more confident, and build habits of kindness and being observant of other people.

    People notice people who notice them. If you take the time to notice and appreciate other people, they will notice and appreciate you in turn also. If you do this, you will be more popular, feel more content with yourself, have the confidence to approach guys you like in a way that appeals to them, and have the sensitivity to understand those guys on their level. By the way, that's also the kind of empathy it takes to make a long term relationship work!

    You WILL attract guys (and people in general) if you make a habit of becoming genuinely interested in them. Let people talk about themselves, and they will think you are the most interesting conversationalist they have ever met.

    Good luck, and I hope things start working out for you soon! :)

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    • Thanks, I'm going to give this a try.

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